Cameron Peterson

Maybe don't wear an "I Have Drugs" shirt when you have drugs on you. Also, don't play with fire when your name is "McBurnie."

This week's most ratchet crimes include another cocaine-smuggling attempt and a crackhead couple trapped in the closet.

This week's most ratchet crimes include a crack-selling candy man and various accounts of drug trafficking.

This week's most ratchet crimes include public masturbation and punching a hole through a $10 million painting.

This week's ratchet crimes includes giving a teacher a pot brownie.

This week's most ratchet crimes include chicken sandwich assault and liquid cocaine smuggling.

This week's most ratchet crimes include drug-dealing models and a high school prostitution ring.

This week's most ratchet crimes include inappropriate teachers and ear-biting at a bowling match.

This week's most ratchet crimes in America include a Battleship game gone wrong and a lying, pregnant panhandler