10 Websites You Shouldn't Visit While Drunk

Social Media Sobriety TestFacebookTwitterMyspacesites you shouldn't visit while drunk

CRAIGSLIST

What it is: A site dedicated to online advertisements and listings. Seemingly makes paying for poon OK.

What drunk you might do on it: After bringing home no new p from the club, and getting zero responses to your mass text to all your old p, you set up an appointment with a 38-year-old mother of three who chain smokes—with her wrinkled vagina.

AMAZON

What it is: An e-commerce site where you can buy just about anything for crackhead prices. Official small business killer.

What drunk you might do on it: Write a furious complaint because your attempt to buy a "bag of dicks" and The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: A Child-Lover's Code of Conduct for your friend were unsuccessful.

THE WHITE HOUSE

What it is: The official website for President Obama's administration. Future website for Sarah Palin.

What drunk you might do on it: Come to your own realization that it's the president's fault that it’s noon on a Monday and you’re surfing the Internet drunk, in your boxers. So you decide to write a “respectable letter” in the “contact us” section of the site, which leads to the Secret Service stopping by for a friendly visit.

WORLD STAR HIP-HOP

What it is: A hip-hop-based video site that also includes clips showing random acts of violence and ignorance that would make Martin Luther King Jr. gently weep.

What drunk you might do on it: Become convinced that what you see is acceptable behavior. Your "least expected grandma snuffings" compilation—not cool.

UNEXPLAINED MYSTERIES
What it is:

What drunk you might do on it:

ESPN FANTASY FOOTBALL

What it is: A free site where you and your buddies can start your own fantasy football league and assemble a roster of sweaty, muscular dudes. Ayo!

What drunk you might do on it: Channel the spirit of Jimmy the Greek in explaining to the league why the running backs you "own" have been so successful.

LINKEDIN

What it is: A site that specializes in professional networking, future employment, and annoying invites sent to everyone you know.

What drunk you might do on it: Decide that you want to be productive while guzzling a bottle of Jack, and take the initiative to update your online resume. This brief moment of wisdom leads to your new "Objective": Need. fucking job all ready. werk for pay or dome or fggvhjdc

PRISON TALK

What it is: A forum for people who are currently locked up, have been locked up, or will inevitably be locked up. No C.O.s allowed.

What drunk you might do on it: Let's just say it ends up with you being somebody's housewife.

USTREAM

What it is: A site that lets you stream your personal video content for the world to see. Why would it be a good thing to NOT let people know how crazy and/or stupid you are, right?

What drunk you might do on it: Try to one-up Stephon Marbury by eating a tub of VapoRub. Vaseline = for pussies!