The Top 10 Signs You Front Like A Celebrity On Social Media

Have you ever looked at one of your friend's on any social media app and wondered aloud, "Why is this fool standing in the grass, holding an alligator like Beyoncé?" Saw a Facebook and Twitter status that sounded like it came from the mouth of an Oscar-winning superstar? Or even a Vine or Instagram Video that looked as if it were pre-planned in the offices of Ryan Seacrest or Andy Cohen? While it's known that celebrity culture has slapped the smart completely out of CNN and other news outlets, it's not just the media caught up in its rapture. It's your cousin, ex-girlfriend, and that person you thought you had a crush on until you noticed the personality disorder. Here we take a look at the top signs that you're fronting like a celebrity on social media. If you exhibit one or two qualities, it's okay, you can work that off. Three and above? You're a lost cause

While obviously everyone has the right to do with their timelines as they see fit, I'm perplexed by those who treat it as if it's their equivalent of Keeping Up with the Kardashians and The Real Housewives of My Couch and Cubicle. Why are you live tweeting every intricate detail of your life? Why are there people into that? Is this about to become an even bigger trend as the YouTube and reality TV raised children grow older? Say no. I can't take a yes in this instance. No really, just do it. Tell me no.

Of those still reeling over not being popular in high school, some turn to Internet popularity to compensate for not sitting at the lunch table they felt wrongly isolated from. While many tend to earn their Mike Jones-esque notoreity online the normal way, others take the easy way out and buy followers and likes. Somehow, this convinces them that finally they are somebody that people like. It might not be the cheapest option, but an investment in therapy is like riding in the HOV lane on the road to high self-esteem.

Considering opulence and the "Bitch, you see me!" mindset are classic American values, it's not at all surprising to see people across social media snap pictures of their flights from "first class" while the actual ticket holder is taking a bathroom break, stand by expensive cars they don't own, or lie about places they're "turnt up" at. But, like, why? Yeah, you were at the same BET Awards party as Ciara, but you were valet. And that's fine—so long as she tipped you well.

Whether it's false claims of "bae" catching you sleeping or accusations of your computer and/or phone being hacked, pretending your nude pictures "leaking" has become all the rage among the classless who don't mind showing ass for attention and peen for promotion. We don't believe you, but I'm sure plenty are grateful for the preview.

Why are you announcing your social media hiatus? Is it really serious enough that you have to tweet, "Sorry I haven't been tweeting much guys?" It is bad enough when celebrities do it. Stop it.

This is the type of person who stages candid shots and captions with, "Paparazzi got me." And by paparazzi, they mean their friend or the timer on their digital camera or Apple Photo Book. Likewise, folks of this ilk look at major magazines and decide that they must duplicate the photoshoots they see. Listen, you can visit Walgreens and buy all of the Reb'l Fleur and Dove lotion your heart desires. Your ass will never be Rihanna.

The only thing worse than an attention whore is an attention whore who feigns anger over getting exactly the kind of attention they wanted. Shut up and enjoy the notoreity. You earned it.

I have no idea why people shoot thank you videos dedicated to the people following them on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram Video, Tumblr, and Vine, but none of those platforms are the Grammys or the Oscars. Save your thank you speeches for the day you actually win an award. And if the universe doesn't grant that for you, oh well, at least you got a certificate for perfect attendance back in second grade.

A regular person naming their followers as if they are your fans is as stupid as it is irrefutably insane. Seriously, call somone who can write a prescription if you do this. And for the record, it's bad enough music artists keep doing it. All of y'all need to stop it.

If you have booking info posted in your Twitter bio and you don't sing, rap, appear on TV and film, or anything else that would garner the attention of club promoters, ask yourself: What am I being booked for? If the answer shifts to something classified as adult entertainment, post that sort of info up on a more applicable platform. Wait, don't even do that. Just take that crap out of your bio. You know good and well that no one is booking you for a damn thing.