Image via Complex Original
In the latest roundup, Stevie Wonder may need to go bald, Justin Bieber can catch the fade, and your cousin might want to find a new hobby besides painting portraits of Maya Angelou (R.I.P., GOAT) holding President Obama in her bosom. Plus, thoughts on how to propose, potato salad, and why you should never, ever question the acting ability of us Black folks. P.S. Shoutout to Tyga and Batman's illegitimate Black seed, Jaden "Fuck Your Wedding Attire" Smith.
Michael Arceneaux is from the land of Beyoncé, but now lives in the city of Master Splinters. Follow him at @youngsinick.
On Justin Bieber
Days after dropping a song with Migos, Justin 'White Mike' Bieber finds himself in a bit of a scandal in light of a new video showing him making a "joke" about niggers surfacing online. The clip was shot before Justin's balls dropped and met Black people, so chances are he's going to skate by on this. That said, if he catches a fade, or at the very least poked in the head with a Black Power fist afro pick, oh well...
Is Tyga Dangerous?
I don't even know how she reached this conclusion, but it's hilarious all the same.
Check Your Kid and Hit Bat Suits, Smiths
I understand that Xenu (allegedly) taught Will and Jada that children are little adults perfect for what the rest of us would consider violations of child labor laws (allegedly) and should be allowed to just be or some shit like that; however, Jaden Smith showed up to the KimYe wedding in a white Batman suit. That is some bullshit, no matter what you say. And as Twitter user @metroadlib noted, "i bet donda woulda put jaden's little black ass out. alls i'm sayin'." I wouldn't be mad if her ghost made Jaden go cut a switch.
That Ain't No Damn Potato Salad
I knew the second this entered my timeline that Black folks would get riled up. We take potato salad, very, very seriously. White people, if you're ever invited to a cookout, don't bring no shit like this around -- and for damn sure don't label it potato salad. You are warned. You are welcome.
And The Nominees Are...
Truth squared. White folks, get your people who questioned our collective talents as thespians.
The Ring Didn't Mean A Thing?
Twitter, and in particular, Black Twitter, is an interesting place when it comes to discussions about love, sex, and relationships. Frankly, I find most of you motherfuckers crazy, but I do enjoy reading your thoughts about the need for $200 or even $1200 dates. Every three months. The same goes for the engagement ring debut wherein people suggest (and then delete their tweets) that you should pull the okie doke on a woman -- i.e. giving her a cracker jack box sized ring and if she says no, that somehow proves she's not really the one for you. Why even bother proposing if you still have those kind of doubts? Stop making sense, simps. Y'all are the reason that even La La Anthony can become a New York Times best-selling author for writing a relationship book. See this same topic in July, y'all. And August. Then October. And then on Black Friday.
Wrong Number, Bae
No explanation needed. Just laugh. Really loudly.
Obama and Maya Hug It Out
There will always be a certain sect of the Black community itching to get their JJ Evans on by way of mix and matching historical Black figures together in some sort of art piece that's perfect for your Mee-Maw's dining room, a car wash on MLK, or some hole in the wall that doesn't really have a liquor license. Enter a piece like this, which is kind of like that other famous shot of Malcolm X baptizing 2Pac. I love my people, but hell nawl.
Bugawolf 'N B
There's been so much R&B 90s nostalgia as of late, but mostly about the music. Here, one of my favorites, Bassey Ikpi, reminds us of one very important part of the era: A lot of the artists behind it weren't (argubaly) the most aesthetically pleasing. Remember this, R&B fans (and ladies in particular) as you singalong to all of these R&B singers with fresh facials and oiled up sex packs crooning about how bitches ain't shit like all of the rappers.
Scissors For Stevie Wonder
With all due respect to the legendary Stevie Wonder, those of us who actually see his head (and that's no shade) have noticed that he tends to have three hairstyles in one. That's actually an accomplishment, only it's soiled by the fact that the first style starts in the middle of his head. Now, I'm already worried that the more I keep typing, the greater chance I have of waking up bald tomorrow morning so I'm gonna stop right here and let this tweet carry the message over.