Enter Sandman: Adam Sandler's 15 Hottest Movie Hookups

Layla Maloney (’90s dreamgirl Joey Lauren Adams) is the kind of girl who makes you work for the prize—in other words, she’s worthy of sharing your last name. Prim, proper, and slow-moving, she at first plays hard to get with Sandler’s slacker-turned-caregiver, giving him nothing but a quick peck on the lips for their first physical encounter. With a smile like that, though, we can’t blame him for sticking around and battling through her baby-step romantic process. In life’s big picture, that’s better than smashing an open-legged troll on the first night. Trust us.

Fourteen years before she struck gold on ABC’s award-winning sitcom Modern Family, Julie Bowen sported short hair and business casual outfits as Happy Gilmore’s quietly sexy PR rep. Level-headed and professionally driven, Bowen’s Virginia Venit is the kind of woman you’d catch sipping martinis inside a trendy urban lounge after work hours. To gain access into her personal, um, accounts, one would probably have to drop serious coin on overpriced, non-beer drinks, but it’d all be worth it. What’s she packing underneath those sport-coats—Victoria’s Secret model-like curves concealed by black lace underwear, as seen in the movie’s dream sequences—put the happy in Happy Gilmore.

Confession time: Marisa Tomei could star in a movie as a parka-wearing, frostbite-stricken Eskimo and we’d still get all hot and bothered. Thus, naturally, remembering that she once co-starred with Sandler immediately granted her placement on this list. It’s a good thing that she’s as enticing as ever as Sandler’s loyal girlfriend in the hilarious Anger Management. Within the funnyman’s mostly lowbrow filmography, Anger Management stands out as one of his most credible flicks, due to the Academy Award-inclined cast of Jack Nicholson and our girl Marisa. That’s why we’ll always love Ms. Tomei: She makes dirty thoughts feel refreshingly sophisticated.

Overflowing with big-name comedians and random celebrity cameos, Judd Apatow’s Funny People seems like it’d be hell for day players and extras to stand out in, but not McFadden. The leggy actress, who’s IMDB profile includes nothing but Funny People, makes the most of her hardly-five-minutes-long performance as one of sick movie star George Simmons’ (Sandler) groupie conquests. Wearing a barely-there bikini, McFadden, dripping wet with chlorine water, wraps her stems around Sandler and practically begs to see her favorite star’s bedroom. It’s enough to make you comb through the DVD’s deleted scenes in hopes of seeing more McFadden, but, alas, ‘tis all.

In ’07’s gay marriage romp, Sandler’s character, Chuck, is a fire-fighting ladies’ man whose game is so tight that he takes part in a one-man/multiple-Asian-women orgy, which includes a lingerie-clad Tila Tequila. He’s also a fireman calendar pin-up, which leads to an early scene involving the brunette O'Donohue twins nearly getting into a catfight over who is Chuck’s favorite. Sadly, their screen-time is short, but their two-supermodels-for-one presence is the movie’s most memorable scene, until a certain name actress shows them hows it's done, but more on that later.

Talk about a pleasant surprise. We watched every episode of Friends from 1994 through 2004, yet never realized just how much cleavage power David Arquette’s ex-wife packs beneath her tops. It wasn’t until her brief appearance in Sandler’s prison football remake, as his money-bags girlfriend, that Cox’s glorious mammary glands smacked us in the eyes, waking our sleeping asses up. Since then, we’ve had a whole new respect for Cox, though we only watch her current TV show, Cougar Town, for two reasons. You’re most likely staring at them right now.

In Big Daddy, the aforementioned Joey Lauren Adams represents all that’s great about women; Kristy Swanson, Sandler’s gold-digging ex in the flick, is the antithesis. Angry at Sandler’s character for his lack of motivation, Swanson’s Vanessa dumps him and shacks up with a wealthy senior and his "old balls.” If she weren’t so damn hot, we would’ve kept Swanson’s money-grubber off this list. But, even when our dude Adam picks a heartbreaking dud, she’s a visual treat. He’s not as dumb as self-righteous critics might think.

Spanish actress Paz Vega is a ten-spot who’s right up there with Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz. We’d prefer her to take on roles like Hayek’s bra-and-panties-flashing dancer in From Dusk Till Dawn, or Cruz’s girl-kissing freak in Vicky Cristina Barcelona, but in Spanglish she showed that makeup-less frumpiness could be just as sultry. Vega plays Mexican single mother Flor, the world’s sexiest housekeeper who distracts Sandler’s married protagonist from his cheating wife and other domestic stress factors. After checking out Spanglish, we hired a Mexican housekeeper in hopes of finding our own Flor Moreno, but all we got was a non-English-speaking heavyweight with a passion for bleach. Once again, Adam Sandler wins.

A schlubby clown like Sandler married to a sassy ten like Salma Hayek? That’s exactly the type of confounding matchup that leaves macho guys with hate in their blood and fellow schlubs reeling with inspiration. In the context of Grown Ups, the unlikely pairing makes perfect sense—Sandler plays a big-deal Hollywood agent, and lord knows how above-their-league those guys can reach. It’s a movie in which overweight Kevin James is married to the beyond-gorgeous Maria Bello, though, so suspension of disbelief is definitely required.

Though Veronica Vaughn doesn’t top our list, her legacy is forever untouchable. If this were a list of the greatest MCs of all time, she’d be Rakim, the category’s defining bar-setter. In his first starring role, Sandler plays a dumbass heir forced to reenter grade school in order to take over daddy’s multi-billion-dollar company. Vaughn (C-list beauty Wilson) is the third grade teacher who brings new meaning to “homework.” Her strongest teaching method is one that all physically fit lady professors under 40-years-old should practice: For every question answered correctly, she removes one article of clothing. Two C’s would be a good thing for a change.

Eighteen months before the Boston Red Sox finally won their first World Series in 86 years, Sandler’s hit Anger Management gave the city’s male baseball fanatics a reason to forget about the “Curse of the Bambino.” Under his therapist’s (Jack Nicholson) orders, Sandler’s character flirts with a sensuous blonde (Heather Graham) in a swanky bar. His come-ons work, leading Graham to invite Sandler back to her place. Turns out she’s completely bonkers, but at least Graham tries to seduce him with nothing on but a white Red Sox bra. Or, as Beantown natives would call it, her “braah.”

The high-concept Click is one of Sandler’s least memorable comedies, too convoluted for its own good. The only thing the flick gets right is the casting of Kate Beckinsale as his wife—just ask anyone who’s endured the monstrosity that is Hugh Jackman’s Van Helsing how good Beckinsale is at partially salvaging bad movies. One of Hollywood’s baddest (meaning superficially best) actresses, the English big screen queen would stand out like a sore thumb in any Adam Sandler production; she’s as classy as Sandler’s pal Rob Schneider is buffoonish. But, as any fool would know, an elegant actress who’s slumming is catnip for stupid-comedy-loving men.

The marketing team behind Sandler’s latest effort, Just Go With It, knows how to sell a damn movie. Just re-watch the film’s Super Bowl commercial; in it, the image of busty supermodel Brooklyn Decker emerging out of the ocean in a bikini, a la Halle Berry in 2002’s Die Another Day, is repeatedly shown, doing the DVR-rewind-button work for you. Considering how unremarkable this year’s Super Bowl spots were as a whole, Decker’s bouncing jugs were easily the night’s most effective pieces of advertising. Who are we kidding? We’d be first in line to buy a Just Go With It ticket this Friday even if the commercial breaks were spit-your-beer-onto-the-nacho-plate funny.

Lena, the Palestinian salon manager played by petite knockout Chriqui, is the genuine article. Before he wins her over, Sandler’s Israeli counter terrorist turned hair stylist Scrappy Coco bangs out a small army of elderly women inside her salon; in a way, Lena becomes a makeshift pimpstress. Rather than hating on Scrappy’s man-whore-ish tendencies, she ultimately participates, and that’s something to commend. If we could meet some Chriqui-lookalikes who aren’t disgusted by our past transgressions, the world would be a much, much better place.

Prior to I Now Pronounce You Chuck And Larry, Jessica Biel was an undeniable sex symbol, but one of the movie’s scenes in particular shut the hot actress game down with quick booty jiggles. Under the impression that Sandler’s Chuck is gay, Biel’s Alex disrobes, revealing one of the nicest Caucasian-girl-rumps ever captured by celluloid. Then, just for effect, she adjusts her panties, causing the cheeks to come alive. And once she turns around, the twins, which she assures are all natural, are just as magnificent. Lucky bastard Chuck gets to palm them, just to test their authenticity, and in that moment, we first realized Sandler’s masterplan. These are his movies, after all, so why not grab Jessica Biel’s cans? And that, readers, is why Adam Sandler is one of Hollywood’s smartest men. Clap for him.