10 Game Shows We Want To See Hip-Hop Versions Of

Sometimes randomness can be a really good thing. Take the new MTV2 game show Hip-Hop Squares, set to premiere tonight at 11 p.m. EST. As recently as a few months ago, the idea of resurrecting Hollywood Squares was in no casual, nostalgic television addict’s head, nor was there any shred of imagination working to picture the likes of Ghostface Killah, Biz Markie, Machine Gun Kelly, and Bam Margera occupying the seats once used by Jim J. Bullock, John Davidson, and perennial center square Joan Rivers.

But that’s exactly what’s happened, and we’re all for it. With New York City radio personality Peter Rosenberg in the old Shadoe Stevens host role, Hip-Hop Squares should once again breathe life into tic-tac-toe. Bonus points for giving Ghostface a platform to bless the masses with more “words of wisdom,” even if it’s in the forms of wrong answers.

Why stop there, though? If Hip-Hop Squares is a ratings triumph, MTV2 and other TV networks will surely be looking for ways to emulate the success. Here, we offer a gang of options with our list of 10 Game Shows We Want To See Hip-Hop Versions Of.

Written by Matt Barone (@MBarone)

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Original series run: October 6, 1986 – February 6, 1993 (Nickelodeon)

Ask your favorite rapper about Double Dare; unless they’re over the age of 40, chances are they’d feel just as nostalgic as we do about the timeless Nickelodeon game show. Growing up, we always wanted to take part in a “physical challenge,” not to mention the conclusive obstacle course, so, admittedly, imagining a hip-hop Double Dare is mostly an excuse to bring the show back to the airwaves.

Still, though, there’s tons of potential here. Just imagine the joys of watching Nicki Minaj trying to stuff inflatable balloons into her clothes, or, for that matter, bouncing around in a “sloppy” challenge or two. OK, so it’d obviously need more artists to sign up than Ms. Roman—how about sending requests out to Iggy Azalea and Lola Monroe? Works for us.

Original series run: December 7, 1987 – December 13, 1990 (MTV)

What’s the coolest game show of all time? Our vote goes to MTV’s Remote Control, the lively trivia contest hosted by the late, great Ken Ober and featuring skits performed by Adam Sandler, hotness provided by Kari Wuhrer, and commentary from Colin Quinn. Together, their chemistry, hilarity, and creativity, in terms of the imaginative set design and playful sketches used to act out questions, made for a truly one-of-a-kind show designed for pop culture junkies.

No disrespect to Ober’s memory, but it’s about time MTV gave Remote Control another go-round, and we know just the right people to hold it down: Ice-T as the new Ober, J.B. Smoove as the new Sandler, Amber Rose in the Wuhrer role, and, screw it, keep Colin Quinn on board. That guy deserves more work than he actually gets.

Original series run: September 16, 1989 – May 11, 1996 (syndication); January 6, 2008 – August 4, 2008 (NBC)

Where have all the battle rappers gone? Depending on how you look at it, the recent scarcity of hip-hop beefs is either a glorious testament to industry-wide unity or the absolute pits. For those veering more toward the latter option, it’s an issue of missing the days when LL Cool J dropped the lover boy routine and verbally decimated Canibus. But what if feuding MCs put down the microphones and grabbed foam jousting sticks?

On Hip-Hop Gladiators, currently beefing artists like Azealia Banks and Lil Kim would settle their differences the old barbaric way, with help from gladiators Steel, Venom, Fury, and the rest of their diesel associates. The only downside for us fans: Battles wouldn’t be about lyrical superiority anymore. For nine out of 10 of the game’s rappers today, however, that’s an advantage.

Original series run: July 28, 1997 – January 31, 2003 (Comedy Central)

Who’s a hip-hop multi-millionaire smart enough to defend his riches against a cavalcade of money-hungry contestants in a quiz show format? Diddy, of course. In Win Diddy’s Money, the Bad Boy mogul would put his staggering amount of earnings on the line week after week, as host Charlamagne tha God read the trivia questions and snapped off one-liner jokes at will. And, since Sean Combs undoubtedly has more dough than Ben Stein, the original $5,000 victory sum would be upped to $20K. Pop Ciroc bottles to that, winners.

Original series run: March 26, 1973 – September 10, 2004 (CBS, ABC, and syndication)

Gone are the days of off-the-cuff, unrehearsed freestyle raps—well, if they’re not completely “gone,” they’re sure as hell difficult to track down. An unexpected source of inspiration to get MCs back on that spontaneity vibe could be a new spin on the classic Pyramid game shows; i.e., The $10,000 Pyramid, The $25,000 Pyramid, and so on.

As you may recall, the game was all about thinking on the fly. Given a word or a phrase, the partaking rapper would then have to provide immediate clues to give his or her average Joe/Jane partner the triggers to spit out the correct answer and earn a generous monetary sum. Hell, to give Freestyle Pyramid even more chutzpah, Funkmaster Flex could even be on set spinning instrumentals the entire time.

Original series run: March 1958 (ABC); 1979 – 1980 (syndication); 1997 – 1998 (Comedy Central)

More often than not, rap dudes want to come across as tough guys—just think about how much flack Drake has received for his emo, R&B-infused approach. One way to bust down the collectively hard exterior of present-day rappers would be to have them become comedians for three minutes at a time; more specifically, have them try their damndest to make civilian contestants chuckle out loud on a modernized version of Make Me Laugh.

With the contestant seated and ready to remain stone-faced, everyone from Freddie Gibbs and Freddie Foxx would have to crack jokes, make goofy facial expressions, or do whatever else it’d take to get the everyday player to LOL on camera. The only restriction: The wackest of the participating artists wouldn’t be able to recite their rhymes. That’d just be too easy.

Original series run: April 21 – June 27, 1975 (ABC)

Of all the overused songwriting techniques in hip-hop, one tactic we’d actually like to hear more of, for comedy’s sake, is the lyrical employment of puns. For practice, a new version of the forgotten ’70s game show Blankety Blanks would suffice. On the program, teams comprised of one contestant and one celebrity (here, a rapper) had to solve concealed puns, Wheel of Fortune style, in order to win huge cash prizes. By figuring out that “Mitt Romney thinks he has the right ideas necessary to become president,” artists could add new dimensions to their bars. As long as they realize that double negatives are a no-no.

Original series run: February 27, 2007 – September 18, 2009 (Fox)

In most rapper profiles found in hip-hop magazines, the subject of educational background rarely gets covered with the same prominence as legal drama and/or failed recording deals. For whatever reason, it’s just not “sexy” to spend paragraphs detailing an artist’s academic experience—so who the hell really knows how intelligent your favorite MC really is? And we’re talking “name the 14th President of the United States” kind of smarts.

A hip-hop-centric take on Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?, with Kevin Hart replacing original host Jeff Foxworthy, could allow rhyme-slingers the opportunity to show off their respective brain power by answering questions taken from grade-school textbooks. Or become laughing stocks unable to identify Francis Scott Key.

Original series run: September 4, 1972 - present (CBS)

Rappers bragging about all of the zeroes in their bank accounts has long been standard practice, but how many of them really own everything they rhyme about? Who amongst hip-hop’s studio gangsters and financial poseurs must immediately give the Maybach vehicles in their videos back to the dealership managers on set? Probably more than you think.

So let’s put the rich-boasting spitters to the test, then. By revamping The Price is Right and bringing old host Bob Barker back (because, really, who’s more of an O.G. than Bobby?), we’d have a foolproof method for weeding out the liars from the genuine shot-callers.

To tailor each episode to the respective rappers playing, all of the items on display would derive from their actual lyrics. Trust us, you’d hear artists referencing microwaves and cutlery more than ever on the radio as a result.

Original series run: February 19, 2003 – March 5, 2003 (ABC); June 1 – June 24, 2009 (NBC)

The irony of I’m a Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! was that no one from either of the season’s casts exceeded the C-list caliber of famous person. When the biggest names on your show are Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt, and Tyson Beckford, you know you’ve been scraping the lower ends of barrels. So, to carry on tradition, the hip-hop version would also corral a who’s-that-fucking-guy? list of has-beens and hardly-ever-were types.

The crop of rappers forced to live in meager conditions in the Amazonian Rainforest would include: J-Kwon, Smilez, Southstar, Baby Boo da Prince, Queen Pen, and a few heads from our recent countdown of the 100 Best Hip-Hop One-Hit Wonders. To serve as host, we’d hire Fab 5 Freddy… Actually, to keep the lower-rung nature of the show intact, let’s go with former Yo! MTV Raps third fiddle T-Money. And, lastly, we’d only want a single successful season, to qualify I’m a Rapper… Get Me Out of Here! as a one-hit wonder.