10 Taboo Subjects That "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" Hasn't Touched On Yet

After what felt like the world’s longest hiatus, we couldn’t be more pumped about the big return of the Paddy’s Pub gang in It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia—there are only so many times you can watch the same five episodes on Hulu without wanting to bust your computer. Over the past six seasons, the dark comedy’s become notorious for its embracing of taboo themes, making us guffaw at otherwise uncomfortable topics like pedophiles, racism, disabilities, and more.

However, just when you think that Mac (Rob McElhenney), Dee (Kaitlin Olson), Dennis (Glenn Howerton), Charlie (Charlie Day), and Frank (Danny DeVito) have pretty much broached all things un-PC, that’s exactly when the show breaks new ground by having one of the characters launch a protest against gay marriage, or get upset over being mistaken for a *fat* sex offender.

With the seventh season premiering tonight on FX, we can only imagine the new highs (or lows) in untouchable subject matter the series might reach, which is why we at Complex have decided to share our best educated guesses with you. In honor of the show’s return, check out our list of 10 Taboo Subjects That It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Hasn’t Touched On Yet.

Written by Lauren Otis (@LaurNado)

If you think about it, it’s kind of surprising that we have yet to catch one of the characters (most likely Frank—or perhaps a naive Charlie) mid-ass paddling or fisting. The writers haven’t been shy about introducing the gangs to orgies, glory holes, and mother-fucking (literally), among other things.

Moreover, S&M almost seems kinda mainstream these days, popping up in Top 40 songs and primetime ABC shows. But maybe that’s where the problem lies. Could stuffing a ball-gagged Danny DeVito into a leather getup be too obvious a choice for the show’s plot weavers? We guess we’ll find out this season.

On the other hand, chances are low that you’ll hear the likes of Rihanna or Teri Hatcher touching upon the nasty subject of scatophagy, which, for those of you who don’t know, is what you witnessed that fateful day one of your boys urged you to click on a seemingly innocent-sounding link titled “2 Girls, 1 Cup.” Though the subject of watching others poop has been raised on occasion, there’s yet to be any plotline hatched involving prospective diners.

Not that we’re sad about that. While Sunny’s had more than its fair share of gross-out moments, we aren’t quite sure we’re ready to see one of the cast members take that leap (or, em, bite). However, if it had to be anyone, our guess would be Mac. Judging from the promos, it looks like our boy has packed on some pounds this season. Could a revenge-seeker possibly slip the hungry star a peacemaking snack laced with a few “special ingredients"? Blerf. We’d rather not think about it.

As comedies like It’s Always Sunny are all about keeping it timely by slipping in the occasional reference to current events and pop culture, we can already predict how this would go:

1. Some scenario occurs that causes the gang to heckle the shit out of Dee about her oversized feet. (The chick is taller than most of those dudes; big-ass feet come with the territory.)

2. In a huff, Dee storms out to catch an afternoon showing of Snow Flower and the Secret Fan. (Why? We don’t know. Maybe to look like a cultured dame? Or perhaps because something better was sold out.)

3. Dee starts entertaining the idea of foot binding as a potential solution to her problems.

(Don’t worry; as is often the case, we’re sure some form of divine intervention would occur before she pulls the trigger. Were it Charlie, though, the foot would probably be as good as fucked.)

Now, as grimy as they can be at times, we feel pretty certain that no self-respecting member of the Philly crew would knowingly hook up with a corpse—knowingly being the key word here (eating human meat is one thing, y'know?). However, we’ve got to say that we wouldn’t put an accidental tryst out of the question. Here’s why: With all of the sexual mishaps that occur on the show, wouldn’t it just be Charlie or Dennis’ luck to have a chick literally pass away mid-session? (Maybe attributed to a heart attack.)

That said, we’re sure the two aren’t strangers to having girls fall asleep on them during sex, and likely wouldn’t realize their theoretical ladyfriend had croaked until all was said and done. Come to think of it though, Dennis seems just skeevy enough to opt for another round…provided he knew no one would ever find out about it.

As a taboo that most TV networks broach with utmost caution, school shootings almost seem like they would have long since come into play on Sunny. As none of the gang are still students, however, we imagine that the scenario would likely play out with Dee reassuming her substitute teaching post (if the school will still have her) and saving the day after overhearing some disgruntled kid mumbling to themself in the bathroom about their grim plans. This being Dee, however, we’re sure she’ll undoubtedly find some way to offend this already-angry kid and put the entire place even further at risk.

The gang has already tackled the unsavory topic of Charlie’s possible child molestation, as well as Dee and Dennis’ close call with an incestuous (masqueraded) hookup, but an archive of underage kiddie photos has yet to grace the screen. Though the cast had a solid spoof on To Catch a Predator back when they thought Mac was a serial killer, none of them seem quite like the type to own a secret stash of child porn. As much as we hate to say it, we could much more easily envision one of them—Charlie—uncovering a collection of questionable photos somewhere that look an awful lot like him in grade school.