Jason Statham—Turns Out He's Just Like Us?

When Statham's not attaching jumper cables to his nipples, he's totally just a normal dude.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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I know you've wondered this before: Is Jason Statham even REAL? Was he created in a secret Hollywood robot factory that churns out invincible action stars? Like, even his birthday is a goddamn mystery (some "sources" say it's actually Sept. 12, 1972—in which case happy 44th birthday—even though IMdB and Wikipedia say it's July 26, 1967) but I guess it doesn't really matter because homeboy doesn't even seem to age. Honestly—just look at him (ew that's just fucking rude). My man will attach a jumper cable to his nipples like it's NBD. He does most of his own stunts. He was a professional diver before he made all those Transporter movies. He was also a model. This is what Jason Statham looks like on vacation. He also looks fresh as fuck in a turtleneck. My guy bagged model and fellow Not Actually a Real Human Being Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, and whenever I see them photographed together, I just feel real baaaad about myself. 

All these examples would seem to point to the fact that Jason Statham is maybe a demi-god. But I'm here to debunk this myth, after a deep-dive into his Getty well has unearthed a shattering new realization: JASON STATHAM IS MAYBE JUST LIKE US! Turns out when the bald, swole action hunk is not living life on the edge and doing insane things on the screen and looking inhumanely good in a leather jacket and making out with baddies, he likes to unwind in basketball shorts and slippers and do regular ass things... like CHORES. It's about time the world get familiar with Extremely Casual Jason Statham. 

Jason Statham Loads Things Out of His Car

Jason Statham chores

Holy shit holy shit. You know when your mom comes back from grocery shopping and she yells at you to come outside and help unload things from the car and then you run out in her house slippers? This is the Jason Statham version of that. I assume someone else went shopping... unless... unless oh my god DID JASON STATHAM GO TO THE STORE LOOKING LIKE THAT? Of course, though, he's not unloading normal people shit like bulks of toilet paper. I zoomed in and he is actually unloading a box of firewood. Pre-cut at 18 inches. For his fucking fireplace. The fact that Jason Statham did not go out to chop his own wood and instead bought STORE CUT FIREWOOD is probably the most damaging thing to Jason Statham's brand ever.

Jason Statham Picks Up McDonald's

Jason Statham McDonalds

When a paint-covered Jason Statham gets hungry, where does he go? That's right, Mickey D's. Question is: WHAT IS HIS MCDONALD'S ORDER? I feel like he fux with a classic Big Mac but I also feel like he gets Chicken McNuggets as a side instead of French fries. I bet that's his quirk. Anyway, if anyone has leads about Jason Statham's McDonald's order, please drop it in the comments, thank you.

Jason Statham—I Don't Know—Mails a Letter?

Jason Statham Mail

Honestly this post may as well be documenting Jason Statham's love affair with his basketball shorts. And those goddamn slippers again. Here he is—doing I'm not sure what—dropping off some mail? He's pictured with his then-girlfriend Kelly Brook, whose casual wardrobe game is on par with Statham's. Also, omfg, I googled what their relationship was like and turns out Kelly Brook punched Jason Statham in the face at Madonna's wedding while Gwyneth Paltrow screamed. I am OBSESSED with this story. My favorite part of this whole account:

Gwyneth screamed, ‘Oh my God!’ and grabbed her cheeks like something out of that Munch painting. She was so shocked she snatched Rupert Everett’s arm—he was just behind her—and they scuttled off.

Ohhhhmygod. Somehow Rupert Everett's arm is a way more dramatic thing to clutch than pearls. I would watch an entire feature film about this punch, and a sequel about Gwyneth Paltrow's reaction to it. 

Jason Statham Walks Around in Basketball Shorts and Slippers Again

Jason Statham Chilling

If you thought Jason Statham just lived in a leather jacket 24/7, think again. The man loves his basketball shorts and slippers combo. Random note: This photo was taken on my 18th birthday.

Jason Statham Empties Out His Ashtray at a Gas Station

jason statham gas

Oh my god those ugly-ass slippers are back. Here is Jason Statham once again mixing and matching athletic wear brands while his toes grip onto his slippers for dear life. Behold, Jason Statham staring into the abyss that is his ashtray like, "Oy! I don't remember eating that." For the most part, this is jarring because I never thought I would see Jason Statham near a car that looked like anything less than this.

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