(Don't) Put It in Your Mouth: The Most Pause-Worthy Children's Toys

Toy Story 3 hits theaters today, and we couldn't be more childlike in our enthusiasm! Not just because the flick's awesome and deserves a spot on Complex's list of the 25 best animated children's movies with the other Toy Story movies, but also because it allows us to make fun of suspicious and sensuous playthings that have been put on the market for kids. Like the Ken doll that makes an appearance in the franchise's third installment (check him out in the trailer), these toys will make you say AYO! Just to be safe, cover your children's eyes before you check out the most pause-worthy children's toys!

Company:
Complex says:

"nuclear submarine."between consenting adults

Company: Balzac

Complex says: Get a load (pause) of this jingle, "You can smack it, you can whack it, Balzac!" It sounds more like ball sack! The first image in the commercial is a figure that hatches into what you think will be a penis but turns out it's just a nut (pause) with a trench coat. The commercial continues with kids running, jumping, and screaming to catch this bouncing nut (pause, smh) and when they finally catch it, the nut escapes and says, "Bet you can't bust Balzac". Seriously, if Balzac comes around our kids again, we will bust it—with a crowbar.

Company: Marvel Deluxe

Complex says: The Punisher Shape Shifter can transform the lower half of his body into a crotch rocket. Houston, we have a problem with kids helping a grown man bust shots!

Company: Disney

Complex says: Well here's a shocker! No seriously, that's what it's called in the adult toy store, right?

Company: Milton Bradley

Complex says: Children place balls into Mr. Bucket's mouth, then Mr. Bucket spits the balls out of his mouth (fair trade we guess). First child to collect all of the balls is the winner! Hide your kids because Mr. Bucket wants their balls and he don't know the meaning of "no means no"!

Company: Rody

Complex says: You can ride it, the size is adjustable to allow for expansion, and it's offered in a variety of colors. The only difference between Rody Horse and any number of sex toys is that Rody contains no harmful phthalates (chemicals used in sex toys for pliability and softness), so Johnny can get off and not get cancer! Still disturbing? Giddy-yup.

Company: Mattel

Complex says: Boys will be boys and pretend to be witches by riding around on broomsticks, but why in the name of Quidditch they gotta vibrate? That's just perverted.

Company: Unknown, made in Hong Kong

Complex says: A small custom Batman water pistol is not necessarily sexual, but this toy comes out of the closet when you begin to use it. Simply remove Batman's butt plug, fill with water, cock, and squeeze the trigger, and shoot your pals with a quick load to the face. Keep it moving, nothing suggestive here!

Company: Hasbro

Complex says: The Oozinator is a water gun that requires major hairy-palm pumping action to get to the gooey surprise. We're not sure of the concept behind the commercial, but assuming that Hasbro Inc. wanted to produce softcore child pornography they succeeded (peep the black kid in the commercial smearing ooze on his chest). Pause that, (Has)Bro!