The 25 Types Of Celebrities You Follow on Twitter

Celebrities: Patrick Duffy, John Cleese, Roger Ebert
Tweet Formula: Wide-eyed disbelief + cracks about aging

A tell-tale sign you may have fallen by the wayside is when you lack a social media presence. No worries. These celebs only needed to pick up the phone to re-ignite their brands.

Celebrities: Conan O'Brien, Jimmy Fallon
Tweet Formula: Killer one-liner + occasional Instagram photo

The microblogging service great for comics honing their craft, and for the guys who have it down pat, it's solid for a quick dose of funny.

Celebrities: Richard Branson, Martha Stewart
Tweet Formula: Motivational question + link to blog post

If Branson can do it, then so can you! Well, if you're genius with billion-dollar ideas. And a billion to spend on it.

Celebrities: Dalai Lama, Deepak Chopra
Tweet Formula: Holier-than-thou tweet + enlightened hashtag

A little divine intervention never hurt anyone, especially the millions of followers who apparently need reassurance that they're living their lives right.

Celebrities: Bill Gates, Jack Dorsey
Tweet Formula: Tech news tweet + Foursquare travel update check-in + occasional office photo

Outside of Gates, a lot of these guys don't say anything particularly insightful. But hey, you never know. You just might get a good scoop.

Celebrities: Snookie, Vinnie, J Woww
Tweet Formula: Dumb tweet + grammar errors + narcissism

For those sick, sad tweeters who feel 30 minutes of screen time isn't enough to get their Snooki fill, there's this. And yes, reading her drivel is just as awful as watching the show.

Celebrities: Fake Michael Bay, Chuck Norris
Tweet Formula: Part parody + part truth

Like the description says, "Chuck Norris doesn't need Twitter. He's already following you."

Celebrities: Tom Hanks, Meryl Streep
Tweet Formula: Enthusiasm + press junkets + gratuitous Instagram sharing

Who needs millions of Twitter followers when they've got nearly as many shiny gold men to keep them company? Who knows. It's still interesting, though.

Celebrities: Mars Curiousity Rover, Bronx Zoo Cobra, Invisible Obama
Tweet Formula: Humblebrag + real talk

You don't have to be human to use Twitter, you just need to be interesting and relevant. Like the Bronx Zoo Cobra who terrorized the city when he escaped from his cage in 2011.

Celebrities: Ian Zierring, Gabrielle Carteris
Tweet Formula: Paid tweet + wackjob behavior

Back in the day, they would have nabbed 1 million followers easily. Today, they're soliciting strangers to chat them on Skype and hocking anti-aging cream. The outlook's not good.

Celebrities: Brian Williams, Larry Ellison
Tweet Formula: Inactivity + More Inactivity

We get it: When you're busy running NBC Nightly News or a multi-billion-dollar corporation, tweeting just doesn't rank high on your list of priorities. Here's a suggestion: Pay someone to tweet for you. It works wonders for Dr. Dre.

Celebrities: Gucci Mane, Ray J
Tweet Formula: Self street promotion + occasional promotion of crew member's mixtape/ album/ DVD

They say: Download this mixtape, it's crazy hot. The hashtag #crazyhot proves it. We say: Please stop.

Celebrities: Diddy, Kanye
Tweet Formula: Personal mantra + ALL CAPS to drive home the point

What, you're not awake crafting beats in your studio at 6 a.m. with Kim Kardashian at your side? What kind of underachieving poseur are you?

Celebrities: Lady Gaga, Beyonce
Tweet Formula: Call for action + ballad hashtag

Why not use Twitter to heal the world? If MJ can do it in song, Bey can do it 140 characters or less.

Celebrities: Shakira, Dr. Dre
Tweet Formula: Ghostwritten tweets + ReTweets of affiliated products and artists

It's a dirty job, but someone's gotta do it. Even if it's his underpaid press staff.

Celebrities: Cat Power, Chief Keef
Tweet Formula: All Instagram, all the time

The only purpose of these accounts is...Well, there is none. Here's their Instagram feed if you somehow can't find it on Instagram.

Celebrities: Kim Kardashian, Charlie Sheen
Tweet Formula: Ghostwritten ad + laughing all the way to the bank

According to Vulture, "when Ad.ly introduced a self-destructive Charlie Sheen to Twitter, he was paid about $50,000 a tweet." As dumb as it was, you'd better believe it was worth it. The site drew 1 million uniques on that one tweet alone.

Celebrities: President Obama, Mayor Bloomberg
Tweet Formula: Political insights + news you can use

Party affiliation aside, we can't find much fault with a guy willing to talk about the fiscal cliff or show some pride for his city.

Celebrities: Not Dangerfield, Mitchedhedbot
Tweet Formula: Knock-off jokes + bot style

Live from the afterlife, it's your favorite comedian bot! Yeah it's creepy, but we still sort of like it.

Celebrities: Ashton Kutcher, Justin Bieber
Tweet Formula: Passing thought + botched attempt at humor

Oh, Ashton. Didn't your mother tell you making fun of homeless people isn't nice?

Celebrities: Bar Rafaeli, Kate Upton
Tweet Formula: Candid booty snap + corny caption

"Watch your back!" "Keep your pants on!" We know sex sells, but ... oh, what the hell.

Celebrities: John Mayer, Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato
Tweet Formula: Ego + disappearing act + anti-climatic return

John Mayer wasn't the first celeb to ditch and return to Twitter. Miley Cyrus quit the micro-blogging service in 2009 and Chris Brown did nearly a week ago. Demi Lovato cited more serious reasons-"I just get myself into trouble," she told The Daily Mail-but now The X Factor star is right back where she started, retweeting compliments every five minutes.

Celebrities: Waka Flocka Flame, Lil B
Tweet Formula: ALL CAPS + 3 exclamation points + average of 5 tweets per 3 minutes

Between the retweets of teens asking for a follow and the thirst exhibitions, this is lifecasting at its most excessive. Don't try it.