The Best or Worst Pickup Lines Overheard by Local NYC Bartenders

New York bartenders put up with a lot of shit. But one of the most painful parts of the job is witnessing gag-inducing come-ons night after night. What’s even worse is seeing them work. I spoke with more than 30 bartenders in Manhattan, Brooklyn, and Queens, to find out what kind of game New York guys have. After extensive research, I discovered that pick-up lines come in three categories: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly. Before we get into the actual lines, here's what I mean.

The Good:

The following lines are bartender approved. They usually work and you wouldn’t be ashamed to tell your kids it’s what you used to meet their mother.

The Bad:

They might be a bit deceptive or corny, but at least you’re giving it the old college try. Though college is probably the only place you should use them. These are lines that we condone but don’t necessarily encourage.

The Ugly:

These are lines that will have a girl looking you up on the sex offender registry instead of Facebook. And yes, just like all the others, these have actually been used.

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Verdict: Good

This line is a classic for a reason. It shows that you're bolder than the guy who simply introduces himself. You immediately convey that you don't just want to meet—you also want to share a drink with her. Try to gauge beforehand if she will be turned on or off by the directness.

Verdict: Good

It's straightforward, sincere, and considerate. At the root of all pick-up lines is the desire to meet someone. You'll seem more confident if you don't even bother easing into it. But for all she knows you could just be looking for a seat, which might leave her on the edge of hers.

Verdict: Bad

There will be a brief pause (hopefully not too brief), and then she should crack a smile. Even though it's bad, it's usually enough to do exactly what it says.

Verdict: Good

This one shows off your confidence level. It's frank, but not entirely explicit.

Verdict: Ugly

This is the easiest way to tell a girl that she shouldn't take her eye off her drink.

Verdict: Bad

Cheesy only works when you catch them off guard, then smile charmingly like you're both in on the joke. None of that running-through-my-mind or fell-from-heaven bullshit. Be direct, even in cheesiness.

Verdict: Ugly

One bartender nearly vomited after hearing this one.

Verdict: Bad

This is about as corny as we can allow you to get. It's just witty and forthright enough to justify the possible eye rolls.

Verdict: Ugly

No. Just no.

Verdict: Good

This one produces three reactions. First, catch her off guard. Then entice her with the idea that you're a law student who has your shit together. Then show her you have a sense of humor.

Verdict: Bad

So you had one five too many and your slurred attempts at flirting are making her laugh at you, and not in a good way. What have you got to lose? This might be enough to charm her back to your side.

Verdict: Ugly

In other words: "I think you're a whore. An alluring whore, but a whore nonetheless."

Verdict: Good

Of course, if she says "yes," then you're also in. But hope for the latter. In that scenario you prove that you're funny and you're willing to momentarily sacrifice your filthy habit just to talk to her.

Verdict: Bad

One bartender said she has seen a guy pull this about two or three times a month. Sometimes he says he's a journalist working on a story in the city. It's guaranteed to get a five-minute conversation at the least, and an entire night at best. The only issue is, you know, ethics. Obviously, this only works for the one-night stand.

Verdict: Ugly

In other words: "You're a whore who adheres to a strict schedule of whorishness."

Verdict: Good

This is the Hail Mary. Say it if she is leaving. Hopefully you've had a chance to make a connection already. The key is to come across as spontaneous—as if the spark is too much for you to handle and you will regret not making a move for the rest of your life.

Verdict: Bad

While this one always makes a certain bartender cringe, it almost always gets a girl to smile and talk.

Verdict: Ugly

The Uranus joke will never get old. But mentioning an asshole within the first five seconds of meeting someone is a good way to prove you're an asshole.

Verdict: Good

This could be any article of clothing. The key is to make it about her and flatter her by targeting whatever she's wearing that she hoped everyone would notice when she left her apartment. Show you pay attention to details. Plant the seed and let it marinate for a while before flirting too directly.

Verdict: Bad

You wouldn't want to say this on a first date. But when it comes to first impressions, it's not always the worst thing to seem like a hurt animal that just needs its wounds licked.

Verdict: Ugly

So you're talentless and sleazy.

Verdict: Good

If it's good enough for Clark Gable in Red Dust it's good enough for you.

Verdict: Bad

The curve ball. This one makes fun of the cliché pickup line by throwing in some unexpected realism. Hopefully they'll appreciate the spin.

Verdict: Ugly

OK, actually that's funny.