Image via Complex Original
Who doesn’t enjoy a good brawl? Whether it’s two bums fighting over a ham steak, two women slapping at each other inside of a pool of Jell-O, or a couple of dudes wailing on each other inside of a cage, violence is just a way of life in this country. But there is one type of fight that is head-and-shoulders above them all. Of course, we’re talking about fights involving seniors.
Most people think of the elderly as forgetful old coots who sit around drooling into their pint of Metamucil; however, don’t let their wrinkled appearance fool you, because some of these senior citizens can pack a mean punch. Nowhere is that more apparent than The Debt, director John Madden's new dramatic thriller out Friday.
In the movie, beautiful 66-year-old Helen Mirren plays a Mossad Agent who was, in her youth, tasked with taking down a Nazi doctor (played by Jesper Christensen) in East Berlin and has an unfortunate secret she's living with. Without spoiling the movie, let's just say that her days of trading blows with vile Nazis are not over. And it's a good thing, because she and her fists represent quite nicely in their advanced age. To celebrate Helen Mirren’s unforgettable knockdown, drag-out brawl, we’re showing respect to our elders with a countdown of The 10 Best Old Person Fight Scenes in Movies. Time for some action, whippersnappers!
10. AL PACINO VS. ROBERT DE NIRO IN RIGHTEOUS KILL (2008)
In between bathing in hundred dollar bills and having their various awards shined by lesser actors, Robert De Niro and Al Pacino occasionally appear in movies just to remind the public that they're still alive. Their uninspired performances may be more lifeless than a morgue, but people still go in droves to see these two legends on the big screen. When these two reunited in 2008, they didn't star in a rom-com or an indie drama; instead, they appeared together in Righteous Kill, a crime-drama where they play cops who may be doling out the death penalty to bad guys.
These two icons didn't exactly show off their range in this movie as they have both played these types of roles before, but their final confrontation is nothing short of classic. OK, it's not classic in a good way, but it's certainly memorable, as the chase and skirmish feature De Niro in a laughably old man athletic outfit: grey sweatpants and hoodie with high white socks and grey New Balance. We're a little surprised director Jon Avnet didn't throw some Depends on him as well.
9. HARRISON FORD FIGHTS EVERYONE IN INDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL (2007)
The most intense battle that Indiana Jones had to fight in 2007’s Kingdom of the Crystal Skull was against bad filmmaking and George Lucas' slowly deteriorating mind. But, besides the fact that the overall movie was a CGI laden failure, Harrison Ford was nothing short of fierce as the fedora-wearing adventurer. Along the way, Ford fought Russian spies, greasers, Shia Labeouf’s stilted acting, and he even faced off against a nuclear weapon.
Ford proved that, despite his age (65 at the time of release), he could still throw a mean haymaker when he needs to. It looked like he never skipped a beat since starring in 1989's Indiana Jones And The Last Crusade; unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the rest of the movie. So until Steven Spielberg either relinquishes the reigns on the Indiana Jones franchise or fires George Lucas, we’ll just have to deal with a bare-chested Ford kicking ass in terrible movies.
8. GANDALF VS. SARUMAN IN LORD OF THE RINGS: THE FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING (2001)
It doesn’t get much older, or more manly, than Christopher Lee and Ian McKellen locked in a wizard’s duel. J.R.R. Tolkien had no idea when he wrote The Lord of the Rings that some day his beloved characters would be played by two of the most respected, and downright toughest, men in Hollywood. With over 120 years between them at the time, this brawl packed a meaner punch than people half their age could hope to provide.
The fact that a heavy amount of CGI and some wrinkly stunt doubles probably did most of the work on this fight doesn't change the fact that these two experienced actors gave a gritty performance that helped the brawl work. These men continued their path of destruction throughout the entire trilogy, with McKellan's Gandalf nearly defeating an entire army by himself. Meanwhile, Frodo couldn't even destroy a ring without blubbering about it the whole time.
7. HELEN MIRREN HANDLES AN UZI IN RED (2010)
If you need any more proof that Dame Helen Mirren is tough as nails, look no further than her performance in 2010’s Red. Mirren plays a retired secret agent looking to add action and adventure back into her life, so she rejoins her former associates for one last fight. The silver haired fox shoots and maims her way through the film with the cold, calculating demeanor of Jason Statham—if Statham got AARP magazines mailed to his house.
Red may not have been a shining example of American cinema, but it surely had many people waking up in a cold sweat after dreaming of getting on Mirren’s bad side. Think about it: Wouldn’t you be afraid of a bitter, postmenopausal thespian chasing you down with a submachine gun? We thought so.
6. WALTER MATTHAU VS. JACK LEMMON IN GRUMPY OLD MEN (1993)
Long before comedy duos like Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly made you crack up, Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon teamed up with hilarious results in movies like The Odd Couple (1968) and The Front Page (1974). The gruff Matthau and the more sophisticated Lemmon may have played pretty much the same role in every movie they were in together, but the act never got old; even as the two of them began getting up there in years.
Perhaps their most well known movie outside of the Odd Couple was 1993’s Grumpy Old Men. The film revolved around the pair of old friends who are at each other’s throats over the love of a woman. These fights seem like they could have been choreographed for an epileptic ballerina, but remember, comedic timing is everything, and Lemmon and Matthau were the kings. It plays a little quaintly now, but Grumpy Old Men can still teach the new school how to bring the funny.
5. ROCK BALBOA VS. MASON "THE LINE" DIXON IN ROCKY BALBOA (2006)
Sylvester Stallone's 2006 return to the Rocky franchise initially seemed like little more than a cash grab, but the movie proved to be pretty decent. What was even more impressive was the physique that Stallone sported for the flick. Of course, it was revealed after his arrest for attempting to smuggle steroids into Australia that Stallone was on the “Body by BALCO” diet, but that doesn’t change the fact that he was more shredded than Enron’s financial documents in Rocky Balboa.
The shape that Stallone was in made it believable that the much older Rocky could hang with the terribly named world champion, Mason "The Line" Dixon. In the film, the two have a brutal boxing match that is easily the equal of the earlier Rocky pictures. Color us surprised that Stallone put together such a good film nearly three decades after the original, but we just hope he slows down on more Rocky movies before he needs a wheelchair ramp to get into the ring.
4. COUNT DOOKU VS. YODA IN STAR WARS: EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES (2002)
There are over 500 years of experience in this fight scene, and it’s one of the highlights of the otherwise painful Star Wars prequel trilogy. Yoda against Count Dooku! Hundreds of thousands of CGI pixels against an 80-year-old Christopher Lee! What’s better than that? Well, a lot, but this fight was still jaw-dropping as it finally showed off what a skilled swordsman Yoda really is.
It also showed audiences that the frail Yoda could suddenly move around like a green tinted Mugsy Bogues when challenged to a duel. It didn't make a whole lot of sense, but it sure looked cool. For his part, Lee put up quite a fight too. Now if only the rest of the trilogy were as exciting as this geriatric throwdown.
3. CLINT EASTWOOD VS. THE YOUTH OF AMERICA IN GRAN TORINO (2008)
To further drive home the point that Clint Eastwood hates everybody younger than him, 2008’s Gran Torino was basically two hours of Clint threatening and pounding his way through some rambunctious youngsters. Eastwood didn’t have to do much method acting to transform himself from a crotchety old millionaire into a crotchety old war veteran, but he was remarkably terrifying as the grizzled, angry racist Walt Kowalski.
The 78-year-old Eastwood takes his frustration out on various gang members throughout the film and shows the world that people who collect Social Security can be just as dangerous as anyone else. He was pretty intimidating in the '70s as Dirty Harry, but Eastwood proved that ass kicking ages like fine wine in Gran Torino.
2. BOB BARKER VS. ADAM SANDLER IN HAPPY GILMORE (1996)
In the '90s, The Price Is Right host Bob Barker spent most of his days demanding people neuter their pets while he got busy with the Showcase Showdown models. It was his appearance in Happy Gilmore, culminating in the featured shit-talking golf fight, in which he shows Adam Sandler's Happy Gilmore that it's best to accept ribbing from your elders because challenging them might land you a beatdown, that exposed him to an audience larger than the lonely housewives and unemployed derelicts who would watch him during the middle of the day. The exact price of seeing white haired Barker knock the piss out of Sandler is...priceless.
1. SIMON PEGG AGAINST THE ELDERLY IN HOT FUZZ (2007)
2007's Hot Fuzz further proved the genius of director Edgar Wright and his co-writer, and star of the movie, Simon Pegg. Along with Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz provided American audiences with the type of dark British humor that consistently outclasses the immature/slacker comedies of the U.S. in nearly every way.
The film's final climactic gunfight involves Simon Pegg doing battle against the Neighbourhood Watch Association, which contains mostly gun-wielding elderly members. The only time that old people have been more frightening while handling firearms would be on a hunting trip with Dick Cheney.
It's completely over-the-top and maniacal, yet brilliant in its originality. Hot Fuzz also points out the danger of the elderly and how a group of highly focused senior citizens could wreak havoc on our world. Thankfully the movie provided a simple blueprint on how to quell a geriatric revolution: pump them full of lead.
