Image via Complex Original
Everyone remembers being a kid and watching teen shows. We couldn't wait to look like the 30-year-olds who were suppose to be 16, to have a drunken party with our best friends, and to finally go through puberty. We'd imagine moustaches and girls galore. We'd imagine a voice like Morgan Freeman when our boys finally dropped. We'd imagine a brick was our very own Zack Morris cell phone.
But the truth is, puberty, for girls and boys, is nothing like the things we learned from our favorite shows. Our childhood years were plagued with "a very special episode" that never happened. We were lied to our whole lives. High school is not just about leaning against lockers and looking cool, it's sitting in class and chemistry, like, science chemistry, not chemistry between you and your crush in homeroom.
Here's a list showing what we learned about puberty from the only source we trusted: television.
Expectation: You'll look back on your teenage years with nostalgia, wisdom, and a deep voice.
Reality: You avoid looking back on your teenage years because they were filled with shame.
Expectation: You'll go to Cabo San Lucas for spring break.
Reality: You went to the Jersey Shore for spring break, with your parents.
Expectation: When you get into one little fight and your mom gets scared, she'll send you to live with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.
Reality: You got into one little fight and got your ass kicked.
Expectation: You'll join the football team and become the brooding and wounded bad boy who gets the girls.
Reality: You were a third string benchwarmer, and the only thing that people misunderstood about you was why you kept trying to grow out your curly, frizzy hair.
Expectation: On your 16th birthday, you'll finally discover your sweet, sweet magical powers.
Reality: On your 16th birthday, your mom walked in on you discovering your body.
Expectation: You and all your friends could be supermodels.
Reality: Nope.
Expectation: When you experience sexual arousal for the first time, you'll develop heat vision.
Reality: When you experienced sexual arousal for the first time, you developed a dependency on Internet pornography.
Expectation: You'll turn into a powerful, scary, and sexy werewolf.
Reality: That new hair just meant you were finally becoming a man, one with body odor and an attraction to girls.
Expectation: You'll be adult enough to form a friendship with fellow adults, like your principal with a heart of gold.
Reality: Your principal only wanted to talk to you about the soccer team, which you weren't a part of. He just confused you with someone else.
Expectation: You'll have an awkward wet dream, clean your sheets, and embarrassingly get caught by your dad.
Reality: You'd try to ignore your wet dreams because you were too embarrassed, until your sheets got crusty and your mom yelled at you.
Expectation: After all your friends have gotten their period, you'll finally fit in when you do too.
Reality: Your dad took you out for spaghetti and bought you tampons to celebrate, and you'll have to deal with this until you're over 50.
Expectation: You'll develop the eloquence and the vocabulary of an English professor.
Reality: You developed acne.
Expectation: A list rating the hottest people in school will make its rounds and you'll land in the top 10.
Reality: You weren't even included on the list.
Expectation: High school will be filled with drugs, alcohol, sex, and rock music.
Reality: You're not Canadian. We don't have universal healthcare so these risky behaviors weren't encouraged.
Expectation: Your elementary school crush will finally fall in love with you.
Reality: Their cute nickname for you was "Who?"
Expectation: You'll be awkward, start trying to grow a moustache (which won't work), and stutter in front of girls.
Reality: You were awkward, started trying to grow a moustache (which didn't work), and stuttered in front of girls.
