The 5 Most Ridiculous Parade Fails in Recent History

With so many components, some of them massive inflatables, it's not wonder that parades sometimes go poorly. That sometimes they just fuck up.

We've shied away from actual violence, instead choosing to focus on the more ridiculous parade fails in recent history, accidents resulting from too much cocaine, too much dry humping, too much Katie Couric—that sort of thing. Enjoy. And keep your fingers crossed during this Thursday's Macy's Thankgiving Day Parade.

Video here.

Just like so many of the seasonal parades around the country, this little Richmond gem takes its cues from the big guy in New York and features all the industry favorites: marching bands, over-the-top floats, inflatable friends, and Santa Claus bringing up the rear. And following in their big brother's footsteps, the Dominion Christmas Parade suffered the same devastating fate of some of the famous Hindenberg-type crashes of lovable cartoon characters. Only the RIchmond balloons were small enough that when Rudolph came sauntering down Broad Street in 2010, though his nose was red, his eyes were full of fear, as his handlers led him into a point blank execution.

After his cold, Anton Chigurh-like puncture wound between the eyes, people in windbreakers scurried him away, trying to keep the thing quiet. Dallas went to Virginia that day, and anyone who cares to see knows that this was no accident.

Despite the fact that this parade is often followed by some type of gang activity, we're going to focus on official decisions the festival has made in naming its many positions of royalty.

Within the past two years, two appointees to major made-up positions within the parade have been brought into question. Last year it was telenovela actor Osvaldo Ríos, who was appointed to the position of "International Godfather" (something that doesn't clear up all the gang activity related to the festival), despite having serving months in a Puerto Rican prison for the assault of a former girlfriend.

After heat from media, politicians, sponsors (Verizon pulled out the parade), domestic violence organizations, and God, he pulled out of the parade, only to be replaced with the opposite of a violent man, power couple Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez.

The trouble didn't end there, as this year John Leguizamo was named the Global Ambassador to the Arts after constantly mentioning in interviews that he was of PR decent on his father's side. Only that's not what his father said in an interview earlier this year, in which he revealed that he is Colombian. When asked about his father's allegations—don't worry—Leguizamo calmly stated that his grandfather is Puerto Rican (of course!) and he was not stripped of title (because Ricky Martin and Marc Anthony were not available).

1986 was a big year for Dwight Gooden. He had already won the Cy Young Award and was now the poster child for the Mets' '86 World Series Championship. The world was just one big mound he stood atop.

So why shouldn't the 23-year-old superstar go out and party with the team the night before their parade? Why shouldn't he then continue to party after all of his teammates went home? Why shouldn't he go to Long Island to party with some strangers into the morning? Why shouldn't he do enough cocaine that "the rooms are spinning" and he can't read the clocks anymore?

Well, probably because next thing you know, he's watching the parade from his dealer’s house and the rest of the world is wondering where their poster boy went. Claiming to have slept in was about as effective as saying his dog ate his car keys. And the high point of his career just weeks earlier was followed by this pivotal low.

Sure, you can protect and serve and dance at the same time, but does that mean you should? The absolutely crazy-ass dancing of Brooklyn's West Indian Day Parade spilt into the real world when dancers started grinding up on some on-duty NYPD officers. Unlike her Majesty's guards, these men are not made of rock, and started getting into the festivities. Something that would probably seem absolutely harmless if the officers dancing skills consisted of more than some of the firmest dry humping ever caught on camera. It doesn't help that there were nine people shot at or around the Parade that day. Costume for costume, though, the police outfit has come to signify stripping more than those fanciful feathered numbers most of the dancers are wearing. Which stay firmly on. So in a way, the cops were kind of asking to be ground up upon.

The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, 1997. A very young Katie Couric and a not yet that old Willard Scott are calling the action in what seems to be the sweetest batch of Thanksgiving sugar ever dolloped down to 34th Street. But then the incredibly tall Cat in his Larger-than-Lincoln's Hat comes barreling down the avenue like a mean drunk with nothing to be thankful for, rhyming under his breath about dinners and sinners and death.

Anyway, Dr. Seuss' monster runaway from the laboratory ended his escape by destroying a lamp post. A lamp post that then hit Kathleen Caronna, sending her into a coma. There are few weirder ways to be injured than by your childhood as a fully-grown adult, but one example comes to mind: A few years earlier, New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle flew a plane into Caroonna's bedroom for a surprise crash right out of Donnie Darko. Thankfully, she wasn't at home.