The 50 Hottest American Women

Age: 35
Occupation: Actress/Director
All-american Cred: She made her name as a regular in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a TV show that could not take place anywhere other than the USA.

Age: 26
Occupation: Porn star
All-american Cred: Not just all-American but also all-youngest-states, before getting into porn she did time as a stripper in Hawaii.

Age: 23
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: In Superbad, ended up with Jonah Hill, thus improving the self-esteem of millions of obese American men. Hey, it could happen to you too, Tubby.

Age: 44
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Her run of Dazed and Confused-Mallrats-Chasing Amy in the mid-90s established her as American indie film's sweetheart.

Age: 31
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Dark Angel. Sue Storm in Fantastic Four. A girl in a bikini in Into the Blue. A choreographer in Honey. A stripper in Sin City. Whatever shortcomings she may have as an actress have always been overshadowed by very tight or small costuming.

Age: 25
Occupation: Reality TV star
All-american Cred: She was on a reality tv show, and then she was on another, and now she's fixing to be the baby-mama of an NFL quarterback. It's the new American template for celebrity where you don't actually have to have any special abilities.

Age: 28
Occupation: Model/Actress
All-american Cred: She's sexy enough to make the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and yet has also become a successful actress and TV host. She's good at everything, just like America--no matter what Jeff Daniels says on The Newsroom.

Age: 28
Occupation: Actress/Comedian
All-american Cred: She's done fifty little things -- supporting roles, improv theater, internet series -- that add up to her being one of the it girls of comedy. Sort of like how this list is fifty babes that add up to America. Aubrey Plaza is a metaphor for the United States of America.

Age: 25
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: When self-shot topless photos of the Twilight siren showed up on the internet, her lawyers sent out cease-and-desist letters to sites that hosted them. Lawsuits over boobies--you know, the rest of the world thinks it's a bit silly.

Age: 29
Occupation: Singer
All-american Cred: In 2010, was one of the headliners at the VH1 Divas Salute the Troops show at Marine Corps Air Station Miramar.

Age: 34
Occupation: Singer
All-american Cred: Remember when Pussycat Dolls was a burlesque troupe with Carmen Electra? Yeah, nice idea, but burlesque doesn't really fly in the States, maybe because it's French. Nicole Scherzinger turned PCD into a good old highly-successful girl group.

Age: 36
Occupation: Wrestler/Fitness model
All-american Cred: Wrestling, fitness modeling, and being in Playboy twice -- all things that foreigners are notoriously bad at.

Age: 33
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Are Puerto Ricans Americans? Yes, particularly if they were born in Chicago.

Age: 46
Occupation: Singer/Actress
All-american Cred: In America's First Family of pop-chart R&B, Janet may have been the second-most talented but she is probably the tops in mental stability. Plus she showed boob at America's greatest sporting event, the Super Bowl.

Age: 36
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Her mom ran a day care center in the home and her dad was a factory worker and farmer. She has brothers named Bob and John, and the family brought up 12 foster children. It's like a Hallmark Channel movie.

Age: 26
Occupation: Singer
All-american Cred: She plays in every musical genre known to man, and also has an alter ego, Cindi Mayweather--The Telegraph described her as "a super-musical cross between James Brown, Judy Garland, Andre 3000 and Steve Jobs." She's a country unto herself, and that country is populated by Americans.

Age: 21
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: She's 21 and, thanks to the piles of dough made by The Hunger Games, the highest-grossing female action hero of all time. Proving the point: American girls kick ass.

Age: 38
Occupation: Actress and model
All-american Cred: Miss USA 1996.

Age: 32
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: She played Scarlett O'Hara, the quintessential Southern belle -- no, wait a minute, she played Scarlett O'Hara, the G.I. Joe villainess. And what is G.I. Joe if not a Real American Hero?

Age: 32
Occupation: Actress/Professional Wrestler
All-american Cred: America is a land of opportunity where a girl can go from lowbrow entertainment (professional wrestling) to dating the most debonair man in the land (George Clooney), provided she is really, really hot.

Age: 34
Occupation: Actress/TV Personality
All-american Cred: She was Miss Massachusetts Teen USA 1996

Age: 20
Occupation: Swimsuit model
All-american Cred: She is the current champion of the iconic American sports magazine's bikini issue.

Age: 30
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: No, you probably wouldn't have been caught dead watching Seventh Heaven, but that is the test tube in which mega-sex-symbol Jessica Biel germinated. As they say, you don't have to watch a bunch of crappy TV to be a good American, but it helps.

Age: 34
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Mississippi may be at the bottom of the barrel when it comes to education, prosperity, and standard of living, but there's hope for any state that can produce a Nikki Griffin.

Age: 29
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: She's on Episodes, a Showtime show about how British people aren't as cool as Americans like Matt LeBlanc, which just started its second season three nights ago.

Age: 30
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Marilyn Monroe was the all-time All-American sex symbol -- you don't get the call to play her, as Michelle did for My Week With Marilyn, if you haven't got a bit of that sizzle.

Age: 39
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: She stole the show as leader of the Clovers cheerleading squad (sorry, Kirsten Dunst) in Bring It On, possibly the most American movie ever made.

Age: 41
Occupation: Comedian/Actress
All-american Cred: There is another America, an America that is not all WASPy or NBA-ified. There is the America of Jews telling dirty jokes. They too are Americans, and Sarah is the sexiest among them, by quite a longshot.

Age: 49
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Did a UFO crash land in Roswell in 1947? It's unlikely, but as Americans we like to think that extraterrestrials would choose our country over all others to crash land in. Fifteen years later, ageless beauty Demi Moore was born. Coincidence? Oh, don't be naive.

Age: 23
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Katrina turned inappropriate work attire into an art form on 30 Rock, and if there's one thing Americans like it's inappropriate work attire.

Age: 31
Occupation:
All-american Cred: America at its best: Talent galore and looks good doing it. Her chorus to Jay-Z's "Empire State of Mind" turned an ok rap single into an iconic ode to America's greatest city.

Age: 26
Occupation: Ring girl/Model
All-american Cred: She is generally considered the hottest UFC Octagon Girl.

Age: 34
Occupation: Actress/Model
All-american Cred: Jaime is really good at playing a certain kind of American girl -- can we say sexy trailer trash? We can say that, right? It's meant a a compliment. We did say "sexy."

Age: 38
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Stock car racing (Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby), superheroes (Iron Man, Avengers) and Howard Stern (Private Parts) -- just as good as baseball, mom and apple pie.

Age: 45
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: The Oscar-winning bi-racial beauty is still killing it at 45 years old -- proof that American women are the very best in the world when they're not busy being obese.

Age: 32
Occupation: TV Presenter/Actress
All-american Cred: For Attack of the Show, Olivia never hesitated to impersonate sexy American icons, from Wonder Woman to Slave Leia. And if you're going to correct us by saying that Slave Leia is really a Tatooine or Alderaan icon -- you do know Star Wars is just a movie, right?

Age: 28
Occupation: Model/TV Presenter
All-american Cred: Sara Jean established her hotness as the Playmate of the Year 2007, these days she's doing silly stuff on Attack of the Show and is really good at it. If her superheroine Bustice isn't a force for good and positive role model we don't know what is. She also won Esquire's Hottest Woman of the Year 2012, edging out British royalty Kate Middleton. Yeah, just like back in 1776, bitches!

Age: 26
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: She's playing Linda Lovelace in the movie Lovelace, due out later this year; she reportedly gets naked a whole bunch to portray the female star of Deep Throat, the film that changed American pornography forever.

Age: 33
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: They called the movie American Beauty and Mena was the almost-naked girl on the poster. No additional explanation necessary.

Age: 20
Occupation: Singer
All-american Cred: Winning American Idol is nice, but being eliminated and then getting signed by Jay-Z is better.

Age: 34
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: The twisted story of Don Draper on Mad Men inspires a very American envy: Men want to be Don Draper. And Betty Draper is part of the deal.

Age: 26
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: America is a land of second acts and lucky breaks. That is how we explain the fact that Brian Austin Green is married to Megan.

Age: 26
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: Details are still fuzzy but it looks like she may have ditched her lesbian ways to steal Johnny Depp from a French woman. #hero #victory #patriot

Age: 23
Occupation: Dancer/Musician/Actress
All-american Cred: Dancing With the Stars, Footloose, Rock of Ages, country music career -- there isn't much Julianne does that isn't red-white-and-blue. Well, except win DWTS with Helio Castroneves. That was sort of treasonous.

Age: 21
Occupation: Singer/Actress
All-american Cred: She first began singing at age two and acting at age four, and appeared on numerous TV shows about talented young kids.

Age: 39
Occupation: Model/TV Presenter
All-american Cred: She was discovered by the Venus Swimwear people while working at a Hooters restaurant. Ain't that America.

Age: 31
Occupation: Actress/Model
All-american Cred: She was an NFL cheerleader (Seahawks, natch), a Price is Right Barker's Beauty, and a contestant on the terrible series Are You Hot? The Search for America's Sexiest People. She is, of course, one of America's Sexiest People -- too bad The Hard Times of RJ Berger didn't last.

Age: 30
Occupation: TV Chef
All-american Cred: Her true occupation is "estranged child bride of Billy Joel," who is 33 years older than her. There is a great American tradition of famous older men marrying much younger women, although those guys don't usually get to be married to Christie Brinkley as well. Damn you, Billy Joel.

Age: 42
Occupation: Actress
All-american Cred: She burst onto the scene, in Boogie Nights, as a porn star who'd get naked at the drop of a hat but never removed her rollerskates.

Age: 69
Occupation: Model
All-american Cred: Ok, there are no actresses from Wyoming. Miss Wyoming has never won Miss America or Miss USA. Wyoming has no celebutantes or Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue models. We could find just one instance of a girl from Wyoming being judged hottest anything, and that was when Melba Ogle appeared as Playmate of the Month in Playboy, July 1964 -- and out of more than 700 Playmates, she is the only one born in Wyoming. Are you listening Wyoming? We want more out of you. 48 years without a clear achievement in sexiness seems almost lazy.