The 25 Worst Things to Happen in Florida in 2013

It's impossible to make it through the week without hearing some absurd story out of Florida, the black eye of the United States. Whether it's the tale of a ridiculous arrest or a tragedy, you can count on Florida to deliver terrible news on consistent basis. The entire state is a mess, and it needs a thorough cleansing.

With the year drawing to a rapid close, let's all take a moment to reflect on the absolute worst things to happen in Florida in 2013. It's nice to think this will inspire people to better themselves in 2014, but that's likely wishful thinking. Expectations for Florida have been low since the aftermath of the 2000 Presidential Election. There will be no redemption for Florida in the new year.

RELATED: The 25 Worst Things to Happen in Florida in 2012

City: Orlando, Fla.
Date: January 2013

When it's over for some people, it's really over. 29-year-old Faron Thompson was arrested in Orlando for allegedly shoving his fiancee's engagement ring down her throat in January. Thompson and the woman had been in a four-year relationship, and she told police she was in the middle of moving out of the apartment the former couple shared.

In the midst of the moving out process, she and Thompson were arguing, when she suddenly realized that her diamond engagement ring was still on the kitchen counter. When she went to retrieve it, Thompson reportedly tried to make her eat it, then threatened to burn the apartment down on some "Love The Way You Lie" shit.

The woman told authorities that Thompson pushed her against a wall while she was holding a 1-year-old, then covered her mouth and nose and tried to stop her from breathing. The woman fled and called law enforcement.

Thompson was charged with battery via strangulation and child neglect. This relationship needed to end because dysfunctional is not the way to go.

[via The Huffington Post]

City: Manatee County, Fla.
Date: February 2013

Living with your significant other can be a struggle at times because you have to adjust to someone else's, um, "habits." Ronald Howard Jr.'s girlfriend had a problem with him sitting on the couch getting his Al Bundy on, and the incident escalated to the point of Howard's arrest.

According to The Smoking Gun, 25-year-old Shalamar Petrarca told Howard that she was disgusted by him scratching himself because she was about to eat. That's when Howard got aggressive, telling her to "stop judging him" before pushing her into a corner. Petrarca says that after scraping her ankle during a fall, she was thrown out of the house by Howard.

Howard had a different version of how it all went down. He claims that Petrarca punched him in the eye for "scratching his balls," and that he tossed her from the home because he didn't want the argument to escalate. However, the arrest report states that Howard wasn't injured, while Petrarca's injury was consistent with her story.

Howard was arrested and charged with domestic battery.

[via The Huffington Post]

City: Milton, Fla.
Date: February 2013

Parents Jonathan Glass and Victoria Cain were arrested in Milton, Fla. after their 3-year-old son drank Drano out of a sippy cup inside of a meth lab. Glass, 36, left the cleaning solution in the cup, which was inside of the apartment's bathroom on Feb. 20. This allowed the unsupervised child to drink from the cup, triggering an "immediate reaction."

Drano, as you may or may not know, is a key meth ingredient. According to police, several people at the apartment were involved in the production of meth.

[via The Huffington Post]

City: Seffner, Fla.
Date: February 2013

In February, a 100-foot sinkhole opened behind a home in Seffner, Fla., swallowing an entire bedroom and killing 36-year-old Jeffrey Bush. His brother, Jeremy, reportedly tried to rescue him, but a sheriff's deputy would have to rescue him from the rubble.

Janell Wheeler, who also resides at the homes, says "It sounded like a car hit my house." The hole grew from 30 feet to 100 overnight, and is reportedly still expanding. At the time, it's cause has yet to be determined.

[via Gawker]

City: Cape Coral, Fla.
Date: March 2013

41-year-old Jose Acevedo of Cape Coral, Fla. has been charged with aggravated assault and attempted murder for crashing a vehicle into a room where his wife and son were sitting. According to police, Acevedo knew that his wife and son were inside of the master bedroom of their home when he drove his minivan into it. He also allegedly ran into the house and beat his wife with an aluminum baseball bat in front of their 7-year-old son.

Only his wife's cries of "I love you. Don't kill me." stopped Acevedo's attack, prompting him to call 911. Police explained that Acevedo told them that he wanted his wife to die, and that he "saw stuff coming out of the back of her head." The woman was treated for forearm fractures, skull injuries and assorted bruises and wounds.

Acevedo's wife is expected to survive the attack.

[via The Huffington Post]

City: Gainesville, Fla.
Date: March 2013

Average citizens aren't the only ones who routinely indulge in unacceptable behavior—it goes all the way up to government officials. In March, Craig Lowe, the mayor of Gainesville, was arrested for DUI after he was discovered sleeping behind the wheel of a "badly damaged" vehicle in close proximity to an accident.

Exhibiting the tell-tale signs of intoxication, Lowe told authorities that he had three beers the previous night. Police performed a blood-alcohol test on him at the scene, and he was well below the legal limit. However, troopers still decided to arrest and charge him for DUI due to his impairment at the time of the accident. He was also charged with property damage.

Lowe's arrest came just a month before he was scheduled to participate in a runoff with former City Commissioner Ed Braddy to decide the city's mayoral race. As a commenter of Gawker mentioned, Braddy was arrested for drunk driving back in 2006, only he was rolling with a 0.184 blood-alcohol level.

[via Gawker]

City: Orlando, Fla.
Date: March 2013

This will probably scare a lot of folks away from escorts. Deputies in Orange County, Fla. were summoned to a Crestwood Suites in March after reports of screams and growls from a second floor room. When they arrived, they found a man covered in blood with "significant" bites to his penis and testicles; he also sustained injuries to his legs, chest, fingers and abdomen.

The escort, 29-year-old Priscilla Vaughn, was reportedly "nude, and had blood around her mouth, which had spread to her face and head." According to the police report, she also "growled and snarled at deputies." The victim says that during sex, Vaughn "became more aggressive, and she began to bite his genitals." The report states that the man "described it as if she were trying to eat his penis and testicles."

The man was unable to escape, claiming that Vaughn was simply "too powerful." Talk about an animal in bed. He also told police that she took away his cell phone when he tried to call for help. According to authorities, the hotel room looked like a murder scene, and there was a sex toy that had been "severely damaged" by bite marks. They believe the damage to the toy was done prior to the attack, which suggests it was going to be used to inflict pain.

Vaughn was charged with attempted murder, false imprisonment and tampering with the man's ability to phone authorities.

[via Orlando Sentinel]

City: Miami
Date: March 2013

A Miami pimp was accused of forcing a 13-year-old girl to tattoo his name on one of her eyelids after she tried to run away from him. Roman "Suave" Thomas lll forced the girl to tattoo"Suave" on her right eyelid and "House" on the left. The 26-year-old Thomas was arrested in March along with 23-year-old Shanteria Sanders. Both allegedly “compelled and coerced” the teen to work for them by providing her with drugs.

The girl, who Thomas and Sanders called "Sparkle," met Thomas at a USA Flea Market after running away from home. This led to Thomas taking suggestive pictures of the girl and uploading them to Backpage.com. The duo gave her condoms and taught her how to interact with customers, and kept her heavily sedated with marijuana, liquor and Molly.

When Thomas and Sanders tied her up and threatened to kill her after accusing her of stealing money, the girl knew she had to escape. When she tried to flee, they took her back to the flea market where she was tattooed. Sanders also has "Suave" tattooed across her chest.

Once the girl's mother found her, she pointed authorities in Thomas' direction. He and Sanders have been charged with human trafficking, lewd and lascivious exhibition, delivery of a controlled substance to a child and false imprisonment.

[via NY Daily News]

City: Lauderhill, Fla.
Date: March 2013

A man in Lauderhill, Fla. was arrested for beating his girlfriend with an Xbox and stabbing her to death in March because of her Zodiac sign. 22-year-old Darrius Johnson "sacrificed" 23-year-old Monica Gooden as she slept in the home they shared because he thought she was a Taurus. Johnson reportedly wanted to kill his grandfather as well, but couldn't because the man lived too far away.

Gooden, who attended Broward College, wasn't even a Taurus.

After murdering Gooden, Johnson walked over to an apartment building and attacked an elderly woman. She was rescued by her nephew, who stabbed Johnson before he ran off. Police later arrested him at the home and charged him with first degree murder.

[via NY Daily News]

City: Boynton Beach, Fla.
Date: April 2013

So much for romance.

After a seemingly perfect date to cap off her 21st birthday, a Florida woman was carjacked at gunpoint by the young Casanova. Nimeha Milien met 19-year-old Donald McGee, Jr. through a flurry of texts, and on their first date—also their first meeting—he robbed her in a parking lot.

The unexpected carjacking came after a romantic walk at Ocean Inlet Park. McGee, a native of Hollywood, Fla., first explained that he was waiting for his older brother to pick him up, then brandished a .380-caliber Kel Tec handgun. After pointing it at Milien's face, he ordered her out of the vehicle and sped off.

Milien called 911 and McGee was apprehended after an eight mile chase. He was arrested and charged with armed carjacking, possession of marijuana, robbery with a firearm, fleeing police and driving without a license.

We bet this is the last blind date Milien goes on.

[via Gawker]

City: Orlando, Fla.
Date: May 2013

Mohammed Ahmed's new bride and her family have to be pissed. That's because Ahmed, 21, was one of several men arrested in May during a prostitution sting in Polk County, Fla. Not that soliciting prostitutes is ever acceptable, but it's an extremely bad when you're on your honeymoon.

Ahmed allegedly answered an online ad that was posted by an undercover police officer pretending to be a prostitute. He showed up to their arranged meeting place, paid who he thought was a prostitute and was arrested for soliciting a sex and marijuana possession.

Meanwhile, his concerned bride reported him missing. She was devastated when police informed her that Ahmed wasn't missing, he was in police custody for trying get secure his last hurrah. The honeymoon—and presumably the marriage—are over. Don't get married if you aren't done getting your thrills, bro.

[via The Smoking Gun]

City: Ocala, Fla.
Date: June 2013

Andrew Joseph Lobban can't take a joke. The 31-year-old club bouncer allegedly killed three of his "friends" outside of an Ocala, Fla. bar because they recorded a video of him misfiring his weapon at a gun range. According to the Ocala Star Banner, 25-year-old Josue "Sway" Santiago recorded the video, then showed it to 23-year-old Benjamin Larz Howard and 20 year-old Jerry Lamar Bynes, Jr.

Angry and embarrassed, Lobban shot all three of the men in the head. According to police reports obtained by the Huffington Post, Lobban told authorities that he only meant to shoot Santiago; Howard and Bynes, Jr. were shot by "mistake." Right.

Lobban faces three counts of first-degree murder. These four really weren't that friendly; friends don't kill friends over shit like this. Or at all.

[via The Huffington Post, Ocala Star Banner and Sun Sentinel]

City: Fort Lauderdale, Fla.
Date: June 2013

By now, you've probably seen the video of a ridiculously disrespectful woman filming herself verbally assaulting employees at a Florida Dunkin' Donuts. The Smoking Gun has identified the vicious shrew as Taylor Chapman.

Chapman, 27, visited the establishment in June to complain about not being given a receipt the night before. Though she claims the employee neglected to give her a receipt and instead provided her with unnecessary attitude, it's difficult to picture anyone with a more disgusting disposition than what Chapman displays during the eight minute video.

Believe it or not, her behavior reaches a new level of ugly when she sees Nithi, the employee who allegedly didn't give her a receipt. She goes from being an asshole to a racist asshole by referring to the woman as a "complete c**** sand n***** whore" to another customer before hunting her down and antagonizing her, calling her a "sand n****" to her face and promising to upload the video, as if she's the victim. She even gets all 'merica on the employees, referencing "big fat Arabs bombin’ the Trade Center."

Chapman is one of those people who thinks life itself depends on the comments she leaves on Facebook and other social media sites; as if the Earth must stop spinning because she's unhappy. People like this are so delusional, they fail to realize that they're in the wrong. Apparently, that "business degree" she earned from Nova Southeastern University that she won't shut up about gives her right to talk to people as if they aren't human.

Her brilliant plan backfired, as people are firing her up in the comments section of the YouTube video, not the Dunkin' Donuts workers. People destroyed her on Twitter; it almost reached #AskDraya levels of bad. She's since deleted her precious Facebook page, and most likely ruined her miserable existence. That's karma in action.

[via The Smoking Gun]

City: Plantation, Fla.
Date: June 2013

Convinced that her husband was cheating on her, a Plantation, Fla. woman fatally stabbed death. In June, 26-year-old Tyra Holmes went through 35-year-old Michael Holmes' cell phone and found text messages from other women. When she called one of the numbers and no one answered, she and her husband began to argue.

The situation grew tense, leading Holmes to retrieve a knife. When Michael Holmes attempted to resolve the situation by embracing her, she stabbed him in the chest. "You stabbed me," a shocked Holmes said. They exchanged final "I love you's" and Holmes died at the hospital.

Michael Holmes' sister Alexis Jewell told NBC Miami he was not cheating on his wife. "He was good to her and his kids and she murdered him for a senseless reason, a senseless reason, she took the life of my brother for a senseless reason," she grieved.

Tyra Holmes initially told police that she blacked out after raising the knife. She would later admit to losing control of her emotions and stabbing her husband. She was arrested and charged with first degree murder.

The couple had been married for less than two years and their children have been placed in foster care.

[via New York Daily News and NBC Miami]

City: Kissimmee, Fla.
Date: June 2013

A Florida community can finally retain some type of normalcy now that a violent foursome has been apprehended. The two-week period of terror that left two people dead was fueled by the youngest and most terrifying member's belief that it would be "fun" to shoot someone.

Konrad Schafer, 15, reportedly made this chilling revelation to police. Authorities believe that Schafer fatally shot David Guerrero, 17, on the morning of Jun. 26. Kissimmee Police Chief Lee Massie said the gang killed Guerrero for "no apparent reason."

The shootings began on Jun. 25, the same day that Schafer's father bought him a .45 caliber Hi-Point carbine gun. When police asked Hans Schafer, Jr. why he bought his son a firearm he's not legally old enough to own, he explained that his son was "having problems with unidentified suspects in Poinciana, Fla."

He was accompanied by David Damus and Juan Sebastian Muriel, both 20, and 17-year-old Victoria Rios; they started off by shooting up property before targeting humans. On Jul. 3, they robbed 22-year-old Eric Roopnarine after he was supposed to pay Rios $300 for sex, then shot him and slit his throat to make sure he was dead.

All four have been charged with murder.

[via New York Daily News]

A stunning, nearly unbelievable turn of events led to a woman being hit by the same bullet fired by a man who had committed suicide in a home across the street. On Oct. 16, Jeane Sams exited her cousin's apartment in Port Richey, Fla. to make a phone call when she felt a sudden pain just above her right knee.

She looked down to find a wound with blood pouring out of it.

Sams rushed back into Yvonee Diaz's home, where Diaz and fiancee, Brandon Parker, called 911 and applied pressure to the wound. When police arrived, the mistakenly thought that Parker had shot Sams, dragging him out of his home and throwing him against a car.

Following questioning, they learned that the bullet came from 28-year-old neighbor Michael Bruty. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Bruty got into a heated argument with his girlfriend, threatening to kill himself. He eventually put the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

Authorities are baffled by the fact that the bullet somehow managed to evade two parked cars that where between Bruty's apartment and where Sams was standing. Sams was taken to the hospital and released the following day.

[via Gawker]

City: Hampton, Fla.
Date: November 2013

Barry Layne Moore joined Rob Ford and Trey Radel as the latest politician to be humiliated following a drug arrest. Moore, the mayor of Hampton, Fla., was arrested in November for allegedly using and selling Oxycodone.

Bradford County Sheriff Gordon Smith analyzed the situation with the Rob Ford reference everyone was waiting for. "This isn’t Toronto. We will not tolerate illegal drug activity, in my jurisdiction, by anyone to include our elected officials," he said.

Look at Florida holding itself to a higher standard for once.

[via Gawker]