The 15 Most Spectacular Celebrity-Owned Restaurant Fails

A theory: There comes a point in nearly every celebrity's wave of fame and wealth when all the people around that individual stop saying "no." The word leaves their vocabulary. And then, when that same celebrity decides to open up a burger joint, or a fried chicken chain, or a dingy spot that only makes chili, there is no one around to tell them to stop. Then the restaurant eventually goes down in a ball of flames, a greasy Hindenburg of shame.

Diners, we present the 15 most spectacular celebrity-owned restaurant fails.

By Timothy J. Seppala (@timseppala)

Celebrity: Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, Elle Macpherson, and Christy Turlington
City: New York
Fail: Fraud, conspiracy, and money laundering

Who knew a restaurant headlined by supermodels would fail? Oh, right, everybody. That didn't stop Naomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer, Elle Macpherson, and Christy Turlington from setting up shop in New York City in '95. Models live on ice cubes and cock, not meat and potatoes, so seeing Schiffer's name (schwing!) on the menu next to a steak wasn't very convincing. After closing in 1998, the federal government indicted Fashion Cafe's founders on charges of fraud, conspiracy and money laundering two years later. We doubt those involved know the first thing about washing clothes, let alone laundering currency.

Celebrity: Carlos Beltran
City: New York
Fail: Stiffed employees

Celebrities don't like paying their employees. This time it's the Mets' Carlos Beltran, part owner of Sofrito. In 2011 two employees claimed he distributed their tips to other waiters in the bullpen and worked them 40 hours a week, only paying them $35 a shift. As an even bigger dick move, he docked them pay when customers walked out and stuff broke. Because, you know, logic. Have fun in San Diego, slugger.

Celebrity: Danielle Staub
City: Los Angeles
Fail: Cockroaches

You'd think appearing on VH1's Famous Food would ensure a restaurant's success. Nope, not when cockroach infestations are involved. Danielle Staub (Real Housewives of New Jersey) and her restaurant, Lemon Basket, had a handful of problems early in 2011, but roaches, discovered in September, pounded the final nail in the coffin. Maybe the skittering insects were just transplant guidos from her native land of Jersey that were along for the ride.

Celebrity: Britney Spears
City: New York
Fail: Terrible everything

Back before Britney Spears was airbrushing a six-pack on her midriff, she had a restaurant dedicated to her two favorite places: New York and Louisiana. She named it Nyla. Creative, we know. It opened in 2002 and lasted 179 days longer than her Vegas marriage because everyone hated it. After reviews came in, she walked out, leaving restaurant suppliers with over $25,000 in unpaid bills. She did warn us she wasn't that innocent.

Celebrity: Jesse James
City: Long Beach, Calif.
Fail: Employees with empty pockets

One thing we've realized while assembling this list is celebrities hate doing two things: paying taxes and employees. Jesse James isn't any different. Not long before his affair with that crazy tattoo lady surfaced in 2010, the State of California slapped James with a bill for almost $4,000 on taxes he hadn't paid since 2007. At least he still had his wife for support, right? Wait.

Celebrity: Eva Longoria
City: Los Angeles
Fail: Slippery floors

November 2011: A woman was out at Eva Longoria's Beso (that's “kiss” if you don't speak Spanish) restaurant for her birthday when she slipped and fell on square on her ass. She claims she suffered “major physical injuries” including damage to her nervous system. Umm, what? Of course, she's suing and of course it's for “unspecified damages greater than $25,000” according to TMZ.

Celebrity: Steven Spielberg
City: Los Angeles
Fail: Excessive tackiness

Somehow, the man responsible for bringing dinosaurs and gigantic sharks to life thought opening a submarine-themed restaurant was a good idea. Co-founded with Dreamworks' Jeffery Katzenberg in 1994, Dive!'s menu featured groaners like “sub-stantial salads” and “sub-lime deserts.” If those didn't make you cringe, the flashing red lights denoting a scheduled “dive” every thirty minutes might have. Dive! made its final voyage to the bottom of the sea in 1999 and was never heard from again.

Celebrity: Hulk Hogan
City: Bloomington, Minn.
Fail: Money hemorrhaging

Let me tell you something, brother. What you need to know about Pastamania, brother, is in '95 it's where the Hulkamaniacs turned into Pastamaniacs by eating Hulkaroos and Hulk-U's. It all went down in the Mall of America, brother, where the Hulkster even defended his WCW heavyweight championship against Big Bubba out front on Monday Nitro, brother. Then Hulk closed it down after it lost a ton of money in its first year because even he knew it was a dumb fucking idea. Brother.

Celebrity: Flavor Flav
City: Clinton, Iowa
Fail: Old potato salad

Flavor Flav wasn't the only part of his fried chicken joint that was past its prime. Last year, he walked into his Clinton, Iowa, restaurant and found potato salad that was over a month beyond its sell-by date. Tangy! Can we interest you in a side of in-fighting between the clock wearer and the store's manager? How about some employees with rubber paychecks to complete your order? Like so many celeb-owned eateries, this sounded like a joke from the word go.

Celebrity: Johnny Depp
City: Los Angeles
Fail: Onsite overdose

Before he was Captain Jack Sparrow, Johnny Depp was a part owner at West Hollywood's Viper Room. Located on the Sunset Strip, its cozy comforts include loud-as-hell music, black walls, strong drinks and on its first Halloween morning in '93, a very overdosed and very dead 23 year-old River Phoenix out front. Drugs are bad and mixing heroin, coke, morphine and fame could kill you, m'kay?

Celebrity: Vince Neil
City: Las Vegas
Fail: Drunk driving

One might imagine killing a bandmate in a drunk driving accident would make you realize how much of a fuck-up you were. Not Mötley Crüe's Vince Neil. In 2010, Las Vegas police popped him for suspicion of driving under the influence. Last place he was seen? Tres Ríos Cantina, his bar and restaurant inside the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas, where rule #35 in the employee handbook is “Never tell the boss 'no'.”

Celebrity: Jermaine Dupri
City: Atlanta
Fail: Unpaid employees

Besides being married to Ms. Wardrobe Malfunction herself, Jermaine Dupri kept himself busy by not paying bills and employees at Café Dupri in Atlanta, Georgia. Weeks before closing in 2008, employees couldn't cash their checks anywhere in town and the lights were off. Then they were greeted by a sign on the door saying the restaurant was “closed indefinitely.” Because injury just isn't the same without insult, Café CEO and Dupri's mom Tina Mualdin told the press “if employees had worked harder, Café Dupri would still be open.”

Celebrity: Sean Combs
City: Atlanta
Fail: Shots fired

Scene: Parking lot of P. Diddy's Justin's Bar and Restaurant, Atlanta, November 2010. Around 10 p.m. three men were in their SUV "listening to music" when another entered. This is reportedly when shit got real. The assailant asked the occupants if they [sic] "KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?!" before opening fire. Two passengers sustained non-lethal injuries while escaping. Unlike the last time “Diddy” and "firearm" were linked, there were no witnesses or Johnnie-Cochran-provided legal counsel. However, Diddy was sued for “failure to provide a safe environment” for his customers. He needs to guard his parking lots?

Celebrity: Rande Gerber
City: San Diego
Fail: Sexual harassment

Proof it doesn't matter who a guy is married to, his mind, or in this case, hands, will wander. In 2009, Rande Gerber, better known as the guy married to Cindy fucking Crawford, was accused of attempting to kiss a waitress three times and “fondle her crotch” one night at his Moonstone Lounge inside San Diego's Hard Rock Hotel. Seriously? Who would do that when you have Cindy Crawford to go home to? Cindy, call us next time you're lonely—we're here for you.

Celebrity: Chris Chelios
City: Detroit
Fail: Murder

Not even retired Detroit Red Wing defenseman Chris Chelios could've stopped an ex-busboy's fatal power play at his restaurant in 2007. Before making off with $10,000, the former busser stabbed two of Cheli's Chili Bar's staff a combined 42 times. When Motor City's finest took the twice-fired not-a-waiter to the penalty box of life later that day, he was still wearing his version of a Wings away jersey: the bloody shirt from committing the murders.