A Recent History of Weird Things Happening at Walmart

As a discount retailer that's open 24 hours per day and sells everything from 12-gauge shotguns to Cherry Slurpees, Wal-Mart is a place where shit occasionally gets weird. And, it shouldn't come as a surprise. If you're the manager of an airplane hangar that's chock-full of X-Box games, Acer laptops and hollow point bullets, then it's safe to assume that you'll have at least one face-to-face conversation each day with a uniformed police officer. There's a hidden fee to buying a 42" LCD TV for $217 dollars, and that cost is usually in the form of a drunken haymaker from a fellow shopper. These streets aisles aren't always safe. So, to keep you informed of the big box madness, we present A Recent History or Weird Things Happening at Wal-Mart.

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Date: March 2014
Location: Wichita, Kansas

Frustrated that a Wal-Mart self-checkout station would not allow him to make a simple transaction, a Kansas man did what we all do when we're angered at computers: Swear incessantly. But, when he was confronted by a man who was offended by his language, the technologically inept customer ended up losing a tooth. According to witnesses, the confrontation made it's way to the parking lot where the frustrated shopper allegedly mixed a few racial slurs in with his curse words, and—consequently—ended up catching a punch in the face. There's never a dull moment at the local Wal-Mart.

Date: March 2013
Location: Crawfordville, Florida

When a Wal-Mart employee refused to honor her "dollar off" coupon, 61-year-old Mary Frances did the only thing she could: Wander out to the parking lot and threaten workers with a gun. After a heated confrontation in the store, Frances reportedly struck an employee with a shopping cart, drew a .38 from her car and stated, "‘I have something for y’all" to the employees in the parking lot. When police arrived on the scene, Frances refused to leave her vehicle and, as is customary in Florida, was Tasered during her arrest.

Date: March 2014
Location: Lincolnton, North Carolina

While helping a Wal-Mart shopper try on shoes, Michael Anthony Clark—who represented himself as a podiatry student—allegedly put the shopper's foot in his mouth. When the women became upset, Clark reportedly offered to pay for her groceries, but she opted to press charges instead. Ultimately, Clark was charged with assault on a female and held on $50,000 bond.

Date: Waldorf, Maryland
Location: December 2011

In what has to go down as a "Top 5" dumbest crime of 2011, a Maryland man attempted to rob a Wal-Mart on "Shop With a Cop" day, a charity event in which members of law enforcement buy toys for needy children. Yes, Timothy Randall Clark (pictured above) allegedly tried to lift 26 Playstation and X-Box games from a retail store crawling with police officers. As you'd expect, cops—who were tipped off by the store’s loss prevention team—apprehended Clark immediately.

Date: March 2010
Location: Washington Township, New Jersey

Shoppers at a New Jersey Wal-Mart were outraged to hear "Attention Wal-Mart customers - all black people leave the store now," broadcast over the store's intercom system. The message was apparently delivered by an unidentified person who hijacked an intercom phone, not an employee. But, shortly after the incident, a shopper filed a $1M lawsuit against Wal-Mart, claiming damages from emotional distress.

Date: March 2013
Location: Anchorage, Alaska

After a confrontation with a Wal-Mart employee over whether or not his service dog needed to be on a leash, an Alaskan man—who was driving a motorized scooter at the time—allegedly shot the employee in the stomach. The suspect was apprehended moments later in the parking lot and reportedly chargedwith first-degree assault and fourth-degree weapons misconduct.

According to witnesses, it didn't take long for the store to resume regular business. "We didn't know if it was a live shooter, going crazy shooting up the store," Army Sgt. Carlos Morales said at the scene, "You can't just continue checking people out, like everything is normal."

Date: November 2012
Location: Taylor, Pennsylvania

After reportedly flashing his breast implants to Wal-Mart shoppers and proclaiming that he was the "best whore in town," Jeremy Owens was arrested on a city bus. While in police custody, Owens allegedly banged his head against the interior of the police cruiser, drawing blood that he'd later spit at officers. His bizarre outburst resulted in nine years probation and a fine of more than $500.

Date: July 2013
Location: New Castle, Delaware

Frank J. Short Jr., a 22-year-old Delaware man, was arrested when police allege that he flung a "glob" of semen on a Wal-Mart shopper because he thought she was "hot." According to the victim, she was texting in the store when Short approached her and said "excuse me." The woman then felt wetness on her leg and noticed what appeared to be semen below her knee. When confronted by police, Short claimed that he sneezed on the victim, but later admitted that he “basically gets a thrill out of such an act.”

Date: November 2011
Location: Los Angeles, California

During that annual gathering of the scavengers known as "Black Friday," a California woman was so committed to getting a discounted X-Box 360 that she opens up a can of pepper spray on Wal-Mart shoppers, including children. While you might expect a situation like that to end with a security guard throwing the woman in a guillotine hold, the shopping environment was apparently so chaotic that the woman was able to pay for her gaming system and leave the store without further incident.

Date: December 2013
Location: Deerfield Beach, Florida

According to investigators, a Florida Wal-Mart worker was so incensed by another co-worker winning employee of the month that he shot up her car. After winning her award, the woman was reportedly confronted by Willie Mitchell who took her to task about her "work load" and told her, "I'm gonna show you." A few hours later, he allegedly fired a gun shot into her unoccupied vehicle.

“She was announced as the employee of the month which you would think that would be something good, people would be happy for her,” a spokesman for the Broward County Sheriff's Office said. “But there was one employee who wasn’t happy.”