A Recent History of College Party Girl Shenanigans

The metamorphosis of a 20-year-old coed into a full-blown drunken disorderly personified is not unlike Bruce Banner's transformation into The Hulk. Only instead of being triggered by rage, these girls are turnt on vodka shots, and an enraged, giant green monster is a lot easier to handle. When the sun sets on campus, the freaks come out and the chances of catching a spiked stiletto to the back of your cranium skyrocket. Understand what you're getting yourself into before you go to out tonight with a recent history of college party girl shenanigans.

Written by Sean Evans (@seanseaevans)

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Date: 7/26/2013
School: Dartmouth University
Party girl(s): Tri-Delt sorority, Dartmouth University

Because nothing says fun like the idea of two violent street gangs sharing fish bowls of blue curacao and grinding to Imagine Dragons songs. Alongside the Alpha Delta house, Dartmouth's Delta Delta Delta sorority hosted a "Blood and Crips"-themed party that, as expected, incensed a ton of people. Whether you find this idea objectively offensive or not, you have to be a little surprised that Ivy League-level students didn't see the inevitable shit storm coming. Both houses eventually apologized for the party's insensitive theme.

Date: July 2012
School: Gainesville State College
Party girl: Celia Alchemy Savage

Partying can mean different things to different people, and blowing up toilets in the woods with homemade pipe bombs is Celia Alchemy Savage's version of a three-story beer bong. The Gainesville State College student was arrested when federal agents stormed her home and discovered a stockpile of illegal firearms, weapons, and drugs. As you can see by the Facebook picture above, she wasn't shy about her affinity for firepower. With a name like Celia Alchemy Savage, it shouldn't have taken a 9-1-1 call from concerned neighbors to know that she was up to something weird. That just sounds like someone who lives on a diet of Monster Energy drinks, beef jerky and hollow point bullets. Savage ultimately pleaded guilty to manufacturing pipe bombs.

Date: 12/11/2011
School: Monmouth College
Party girl(s): Five members of the Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority

We've told you about the types of people you meet walking home from the bar, and, invariably, you'll meet the kleptomaniac, or kleptomaniacs as it were. Five members of Monmouth College's Kappa Kappa Gamma sorority were arrested in a Taco Bell parking lot (of course) after swiping Mary, Joseph, and baby Jesus from a public nativity scene and scattering the stolen goods on their college president's lawn. Of all the things to get arrested for in college...SMH.

Date: April and May 2010
School: Ohio University/Miami of Ohio
Party girl(s): The ladies of Pi Beta Phi, Ohio University and Miami of Ohio respectively

In spring 2010, the Pi Beta Phi sorority made national headlines TWICE for a pair of ridiculously sloppy parties. Miami of Ohio's chapter struck first with a rager at Lake Lyndsay Lodge in Hamilton, Ohio, which included complaints of widespread vomiting, the flipping of an appetizer table, and guests defecating outside of the venue.

LOL. We understand getting wasted and crying in a bathroom or trying to break into a Long John Silver's at 3 a.m. to feast on popcorn shrimp, but taking a shit in the grass is totally beyond us. That's next level partying that we cannot relate to on any level. Public service announcement: If you find yourself crouching down like a Yorkshire Terrier and actually making doodie on someone's lawn, you need to chill with whatever drugs you're taking.

Not to be outdone, Ohio University's chapter wreaked havoc on an art center in West Virginia a month later. The center claimed damages caused by guests pouring liquor bottles out on the dance floor and frolicking in the puddles, breaking a bathroom sink by way of attempted sexual intercourse, and—if you questioned the egregious carnal energy of this shindig—one of the event's bartenders reportedly witnessed a couple having sex in front of a cheering crowd. In sum, the Pi Phis take these Ke$ha verses wayyy too seriously.

Date: 8/28/2010
School: University of Alabama
Party girl: Kristen Saban

Alabama head coach Nick Saban reacts to every false start penalty as though a student driver just rear-ended his Mercedes S-Class at a red light, and—naturally—his daughter seems to share that same hair-trigger disposition. In a lawsuit filed against Kristen Saban, Sarah Grimes (one of Saban's sorority sisters) claims that Roll Tide's empress assaulted her during a beer-fueled fight over Facebook.

The two had apparently exchanged words after a night of drinking when a comment Saban left online ("No one likes Sarah! Yayyyyy!") became fodder for a physical altercation. The lawsuit alleges that Saban had to be separated from Grimes by two other people, and the beating left Grimes with "repeated night terrors, anxiety, physical trembling, fears of dying from brain injuries, trouble sleeping, and intrusive recollections of the event." That sounds like sensationalized personal injury lawyer talk to us, but the lesson is clear: If you're going to sling shots with Kristen Saban, show up to the bar in full pads.

Date: December 2012
School: Penn State
Party girl(s): Nu Gamm chapter of Chi Omega, Penn State

It's hard for college parties—with their lines of cocaine on bathroom sinks and egregious butt chugging—to be especially salacious, but that didn't stop a group of Penn State sorority girls from at least trying to lower the bar. Chi Omega's Mexican-themed party featured ponchos, fake moustaches, and a pair of contradictory signs that read, "I don't cut grass, I smoke it" and "Will mow lawn for weed + beer." Well, which is it ladies? Are you exchanging lawn care services for dime bags or not?

The sorority eventually apologized for exploiting stereotypes because they like tequila shots, closing out an astonishingly disgraceful 2012 in Happy Valley.

Date: May 2013
School: University of Colorado
Party girl: Taylor Powers

Drug use is as much a part of the playful outdoors experience as s'mores and Bigfoot sightings. That said, Mother Nature can be an erratic host, particularly when you're tripping balls on mushrooms. Taylor Powers found out the hard way when she was rescued from Boulder's Chautauqua Park, naked and blasted out of her skull on the psychedelic version of a very popular pizza topping. Her cohorts, Colorado students Brian Mulligan and William Collins, dialed 9-1-1 to report that their fallen hiker was, "high on mushrooms and in distress." Rescuers eventually came to her aid and, once she was treated, charged her with unlawful consumption of a controlled substance.

Date: 4/17/2013
School: University of Maryland
Party girl: Rebecca Martinson

As Patrick Henry's "Give me liberty or give me death" speech was to the American Revolution, sorority girl Rebecca Martinson's "I will fucking cunt punt the next person I hear about doing something [awkward], and I don't give a fuck if you SOR me, I WILL FUCKING ASSAULT YOU" email was to inspiring sisterly love between the young ladies of Delta Gamma.

After a few "FUCKING BORING" and "AWKWARD" sisters failed to impress during a handful of "Greek Week" activities, Martinson channeled her inner The Kid Mero with a profanity-laced, all caps email to her entire sorority chapter. Quotable excerpts include:

Ultimately, and sadly, the email's notoriety led to Martinson's dismissal from the organization. Without their waify, Vince Lombardi-like leader, we're sure the girls of Delta Gamma still SUCK, WE REPEAT, LITERALLY FUCKING SUCK.

Date: 8/31/2013
School: University of Iowa
Party girl: Samantha Lynn Goudie

During a Hawkeyes football game against Northern Illinois earlier this year, Samantha Goudie (better known as "Vodka Samm" by those who hold her hair back) allegedly tried to rush the field when campus police detained her. During her jail experience, Goudie became Internet famous with a series of admittedly hilarious tweets and by blowing a rather awe-inspiring .341 on the breathalyzer. If you're doing the math, that's the equivalent of, like, a six-pack of High Life, a dozen swigs from the Fireball bottle, and a cowboy boot full of boxed wine before kickoff. Or, as they call it in Iowa City, "a solid pre-game."

Shaming her school aside, shout out to this chick for somehow maintaining a brilliantly half-baked online persona despite a handle's worth of distilled liquor coursing through her blood stream. Like, navigating one's TiVo is a challenge after a tallboy and a bong hit, but Vodka Samm over here hashtagged her way to 20,000 followers with her brain effectively soaked in lighter fluid. The Princeton Review recently named Iowa the No. 1 party school in the nation, and it didn't take long for this girl to defend the university's proud, beer funneling tradition.

Date: December 2008
School: University of Oklahoma
Party girl: Elyse Downs

So, this girl apparently set her Alphi Chi sorority sisters off when she pulled the pin on a fire extinguisher and made it snow in the sorority house. We're guessing this chick also had, like, nine bottles of malt liquor because she's blubbering inconsolably and breathing through her mouth like an inebriated vacuum cleaner attachment. Props to Elyse for owning up to her mess, though. She's prepared to sweep, take a fine or "whatever it takes to be an Alpha Chi."