A Gentleman's Guide to Sex Slip-Ups

The thrill of sex can be boiled down to sheer, simple adrenaline. Some of that heady rush comes from the anticipation of the act. But a sizable portion of that nervous excitement comes from fear that it might go wrong, or at least stray from the normal.

When two naked bodies collide, awkward blunders are bound to happen. Here's how to ensure the unexpected mishaps are just momentary setbacks, not roadblocks.

RELATED: 10 Awkward Things Guys Do After Sex

RELATED: 14 Benefits of Sex You Didn't Know About

RELATED: Urban Dictionary Explains Sex

Follow @ComplexGuide

Have questions about dating, humping, and relationships? Email your stickiest (ayo!) debacles to [email protected], and get your answer in our next edition of our advice column, 99 Problems.

Scenario: Nothing is worse than having a hot and bothered woman on your hands, but no latex.

Solution: If you live anywhere where it's feasible to get your ass to a drug store in five minutes or less, sprint to the corner and be that guy starring in a condom commercial. If leaving isn't a possibility, make it an oral sex night! It's like taco night, but with orgasms.

Scenario: You're doing your thing in a dark room, and you can't exactly find the… entryway. All this awkward fumbling, and minutes later, you still can't get it in.

Solution: Just chill, and ask her to guide you in. She'll be happy to show you the way.

Scenario: You're itching to go, but have neglected foreplay. Now, you're inflicting rug burn on you and your partner by trying out intercourse sans moisture.

Solution: Realize this is embarrassing for her, too; it's like her version of a softie. Still, the blame falls squarely on you. Roll the clock back a few minutes and get her properly worked up for the main event.

Scenario: You and your not-quite-girlfriend are tipsy and high on fumes on infatuation. You're in the moment (maybe a little too much) and you suggest something totally out there. Like, way out there.

Solution: An exciting sex life should be full of twists and turns, and none of your kinks (assuming they're safe and legal) should be left unexplored. But the key here is timing. You don't unleash these during a drunk hump session with a woman you've only known for two weeks. You ease into it. As you two get more comfortable with each other, talk about your interests. Probably she'll have some things she wants to try, too.

Scenario: You're feeling like you have this whole lovemaking thing on lock. You're trying out something new, and it seems to be going well. she's enthusiastic. Until a small, potent burst of air escapes your ass.

Solution: Own up to it. Pretending you're incapable of producing a foul scent will prove futile in this situation. Instead, laugh. Sex is comedy. That's the only way to get through this one.

Scenario: You didn't expect to get any action tonight, but suddenly that plan has changed. The only issue—you've been slacking on your upkeep. Okay, more than slacking—you've got a scouring pad situation going on down there.

Solution: There's nothing to be done right this second. Sure, she doesn't need you baby-seal smooth, but a little trimming would have gone a long way. Now, she's going to end up coughing on your wayward pubes. Next time, resolve to do better.

Scenario: While marveling at the woman in your bed, you whisper, "You're gorgeous, Amy." Her eyes become as wide as saucers. Is she that charmed by your compliment? No, asshole, her name's Nicole, and she's not happy.

Solution: It's safe to say the moment is officially ruined. Rather than trying to play it off like it didn't happen, own up to your mistake. Apologize, and reassure you have no idea why the name "Amy" popped in your head. Convince her it must have been because you were watching Parks & Recreation earlier. Exception: If your ex's name is Amy, you're fucked.

And, just a suggestion—maybe take a moment to reflect on why you've said this. Have you regularly been thinking about someone else? Do some soul searching now, and hump later.

Scenario: Dirty talk is hot. But sometimes you cross beyond the "Tell me you love my..." threshold and enter a weird place. You've exposed a questionable interest that spurs a quizzical look, or even demands a conversation.

Solution: As long as what you said wasn't offensive or illegal (in which case, you should stick to apologizing), you shouldn't ever feel ashamed about pushing the envelope. Half of the excitement of dirty talk is how a few filthy syllables can shake things up. But if you want to take it beyond talk, you should discuss it first. Have a conversation when you aren't having sex about what it is you want to explore. This is the best way to clue her into your kinks.

Scenario: This can go one of two ways. Either she's the one who's totally game to get down to business despite the potential mess and you're squeamish; or, you're game, and she has hang-ups about it.

Solution: Ultimately, this one comes down to personal preference, so you shouldn't feel ashamed of being on either side of the fence. That said, a generous partner will try anything once. Give it a shot, and if it's still not your thing (or hers), at least you tried.

Scenario: After a long night of strong liquor, you're too drunk to get it up. You're limp. Or, it could be that you haven't been drinking, but some stress has left you soft.

Solution: Do not pretend that nothing has happened and try to shove your flaccid penis in her vagina. Offer a joke about your penis not cooperating, and move on to pleasuring her. If you do it well, she'll care less about your temperamental man parts. There's always next time.

Scenario: You're approaching the point of no return and get so caught up in the throes of pleasure that you forget to give her a heads-up.

Solution: Even a woman who's pro-semen wants some warning before you spurt off somewhere that isn't in a condom. If you mistakenly misfire and leave her a mess, all you can do is apologize, and reassure her it was an accident with every iota of sincerity you can muter. You know, after you help clean up.

Scenario: It happens. She grabbed your hair in that way, said your name the way you like—whatever it was, you were quicker on the trigger than normal.

Solution: Penises are famously finicky. No matter how many visions of baseball and grandmas (and grandmas playing baseball) you have floating through your head, you'll inevitably blow the game in the final moments every once in awhile. If she's cool (and not a one night stand) she should be understanding. Of course, she'll be more understanding if you make sure she climaxes, too.

Scenario: Post-climax, you pull out to find that the condom broke. Semen dribbles from the tip. Sex nightmare, realized.

Solution: Calmly explain the situation to her, and discuss your options. Are STDs a possible issue? Have you both been tested? Pregnancy is the other serious concern. The morning after pill is effective up to 72 hours after pregnancy. Plan B is effective, but costly: the pill costs almost $50. The responsibility is shared, and the cost should be split accordingly. Offer to go with her, but if you sense you're no longer wanted, bow out like a gentleman.

Scenario: A solid 45 minutes of intercourse might make you feel like you've earned a badge in boning, but after an hour, it starts to become apparent that you may never pass the finish line. She'll be silently wondering why.

Solution: Don't be afraid to throw in the towel. Honestly, she'd prefer you admit it's not going to happen tonight, rather than have you pump away 'till you're both chafing. She'll understand. Unless it becomes a habit, in which case you might you need to think about what's going on down there. Maybe you're masturbating too much, or with too tight a grip? Tone it down a bit, and you'll both feel the difference.