The Definitive Guide to the Most Famous Fictional Strip Clubs

Almost all pop culture strip clubs have attractive employees. When you're watching a scene unfold in a film or television strip club, you aren’t just watching strippers: you're watching actors hired to play strippers. To a hot actor, being cast as a stripper has the same level of distinction that a lawyer receives when they become a judge. You're exceeding your peers at the one thing everyone in your profession is already good at. So because every actor cast as a stripper is attractive, when ranking fictional strip clubs, we must take other factors into account.

Of course there are the vital issues like music, cuisine, comfort, and staff hospitality to take into account, but there are also issues particular to pop culture's depictions of nudie bars. Are there rumpled homicide detectives ruining the mood? How likely are you to happen upon organized crime violence you really shouldn't have seen while waiting in line for the champagne room? Will the sob story of a single mother raising her three kids—no thanks to her deadbeat ex—tug on your heart strings until you empty your wallet? These are just some of the many issues we need to consider as we set about separating the Landing Strips from the Bada Bings. We attempted to look past the shimmering underwear and impressive acrobatics and ask ourselves which of these strip clubs we would actually like to attend. Here is our Definitive Guide to the Most Famous Fictional Strip Clubs.

Pros: It would be funny to hear people say “Oh!” so much.

Cons: Music your dad listened to when he drove that Camaro in high school blares from the speakers. The place is dominated by staff and customers with a tendency towards violent outbursts. The bartender seems to get beaten down by angry mobsters on a daily basis, which makes it very difficult to receive your drinks in a timely fashion.

Bottom line: Unpopular opinion alert: Fans love The Bing, but would you really want to hang out there? As a mob front, customer service isn't really their number one consideration. Furthermore, being a regular here is hazardous to your health. You'd better not pick a favorite employee, as they end up dead in the parking lot.

Pros: You just don't see clubs like this anymore: live clarinet music, singing girls, intricate backdrops, horse puppets, and performers in top hats.

Cons: All of those top hats and classical scenic backdrops can quickly turn you from a respectable high school teacher into a ruined clown. Talk about a buzz kill! Also, it bears mentioning that girls got much less naked back in the day.

Bottom line: You take risks in life. Sometimes you have to risk clownhood in order to enjoy high-class entertainment.

Pros: A diverse, empowered roster of strippers who will inspire you with their perseverance in a harsh world.

Cons: As this club is the backdrop to the Steel Magnolias of stripper movies, customers here have to endure a lot of crying and storming out between Lilith Fair ballads and Y2K techno.

Bottom line: Unless you're making a documentary of your evening that you plan on submitting to independent festivals, this is going to be tough to enjoy.

Pros: The stage has seen better days, but the private rooms have a nice red velvet theme going on. It's a little cheesy, but well maintained despite wear and tear.

Cons: The staff and the clientele don't seem to have changed for 20 years. There was a time when this music, these customers, and this staff were young, sexy, and cool. Even the workers who still look good have been worn down by the strain of age; their lives have been punctuated by broken relationships and shattered dreams. It would be hard to pay money for a scene this hard to watch.

Bottom line: Until we can hop in the Back to the Future DeLorean that will bring us back to the golden age of hair metal, we're going to pass on this club.

Pros: This spacious high-end club, where the lap dance areas are larger than some mid-size conference rooms, is not the sort of place where you see pervy dudes in sweat pants hanging out in the corner. Here the pervs hanging out in the corner are draped head-to-toe in Armani.

Cons: The clientele of this place look like the extras from Wolf of Wall Street. These happy hour douchebags are so merciless that they start harassing the strippers as soon as they walk off stage.

Bottom line: You probably couldn't afford to hang out here anyway, but given how scummy the customers are, you may be better off skipping the main stage and heading straight to one of the cavernous private rooms.

Pros: The sophisticated lighting reminiscent of a concert venue and a stage longer than a runway at New York Fashion Week make this a can't-miss strip club for true connoisseurs.

Cons: Much like in Flashdance, the club suffers from an experimental streak. The routines have an element of choreographed modern dance. In one scene a regular asks, “What's up with Princess Di today?” The bartender responds, “Her asshole husband disappeared with the kid again.” The implication here is that strippers are allowed to create more dramatic, interpretive scenes if they have a bad day. That has to be bad for business.

Bottom line: While the venue is impressive, the art house attitude is clearly an acquired taste.

Pros: Exotica might be the nicest strip club we've ever seen on or off-screen. Gardens, balconies, reflecting pools: this place must have a full-time landscaper. But it isn't all about the ambiance: the ladies are very attentive here as well. They are apt to engage in long exposition-laden conversations before, during, and after lap dances. The staff is also willing to modify their outfits based on your psycho-sexual fantasies, though most customers apparently just choose “school girl.”

Cons: It seems like rich people can just rent the whole place out whenever they want, so make sure you're prepared to leave at a moment's notice. Also, though it looks very cool here, it can feel a tad creepy at time. I mean, have you seen that DJ's hair?

Bottom line: Finally, a strip club that cares as much about décor as they do about the ladies.

Pros: Table top performers, all-you-can-eat ribs, a sensitive, caring group of employees, and a relaxed environment where uptight working women are allowed to cut loose on stage—what more could you ask for?

Cons: If V.I.P. customer Tracy Jordan is in the house, strippers may start sharing inspirational stories about how he changed their lives. That can really spoil the mood.

Bottom line: As long as your film and television career hasn't had a profound impact on the staff, this is the kind of place where you can really enjoy yourself.

Pros: The décor is unimpressive, but hot damn that is one serious breakfast buffet. If you, like Ron Swanson, “will take a free breakfast buffet any time any place,” then the Glitter Factory is the titty bar of your dreams.

Cons: The soundtrack to this club—woof. “Unskinny Bop” is one of the shittiest songs in Poison's ouvre, which is like saying that you've identified one of Syria's worst human rights violations. Also, the Glitter Factory lives up to its name. Glitter Bombs can leave residue for days. After a night at The Factory, don't be surprised if your “crotch looks like a disco ball.”

Bottom line: Hell of a breakfast spot; not much of a strip club.

Pros: The only positive thing you can say about Hot Metal is that it was short-lived. Despite existing for only one performance, the club still overstayed its welcome.

Cons: Amateurish all around. Literally a community theatre (correct spelling, in this case) version of a strip club.

Bottom line: Feel-good movie, but this strip club doesn't make anyone feel good.

Pros: The cowboy theme is consistent yet understated. Even the cocktail waitresses have side holsters and use the word “Pilgrim.” This is the kind of brand consistency that Coyote Ugly can only dream of.

Cons: This is one of the safest bars in Sin City. That doesn't really speak to the quality of the bar, but rather to the terrors of Sin City.

Bottom line: Any bar where jaundiced monsters hang out is probably not the ideal place to unwind after a long week.

Pros: The homey feel of this strip club makes you feel comfortable. There's also something inviting about frequenting a gentlemen's club where you can see some of your high school classmates, even if they now go by “Destiny” instead of “Denise.”

Cons: While there are no negatives to attending a bar where everybody knows your name, a strip club where everyone knows you isn't necessarily ideal. Do you really want the whole town knowing about your predilection towards lap dances to “Rack City?” Also, small town strip joints have a way of being a bit less rigid. This is the kind of place where underage customers and employees have been a problem. That shouldn't have to be your problem. Finally, strip clubs are already sad enough without a soundtrack filled with Explosions in the Sky, Iron and Wine, and The National. As Tyra once asked Mindy, “Why'd every song have to be a ballad?”

Bottom line: Though a small town feel is ideal for a diner or a dive bar, it may not be the best for a strip club.

Pros: Supports the local teachers' union; presumably cheap beers, as high schoolers can afford to drink their fill.

Cons: It's interesting that the same strip club used in Friday Night Lights over a decade later also has the same problem with under-age patrons. Also, though we understand the importance of “Hot For Teacher” given the plotting of this particular scene, that song is terrible. These factors combined with a very '90s level of fog machine makes this place an after-school activity to avoid.

Bottom line: While the fantasy of the hot stripper teacher can go a long way, they clearly aren't doing anything else to lure clientele The Landing Strip. I Don't Want … Your Club.

Pros: This spot is about as close as you'll get to a friendly neighborhood strip club. Just as McLaren's is the bar you so desperately want on your block, this is the strip club you wish was around the corner. Things like Thanksgiving buffets and a friendly staff are just the tip of the benevolent pole-dancing iceberg.

Cons: There is an almost magical quality to The Lusty Leopard. You may see your girlfriend's doppelganger or frequenting the club may stir visions of your daughter's future as a stripper. Who knows, you might even run into Mike Tyson.

Bottom line: Just head for the door if anything vaguely supernatural starts to happen.

Pros: As someone with an intimate knowledge of Pittsburgh, I can assure you that the drinks are cheap and you'll spend the night in the company good-natured Steelers fans.

Cons: There is a strange, performance art-like feeling to the proceedings at Mawby's. The dancing feels more interpretive than exotic. What's with the two blue light bulbs on the white background? What's up with the chair? What's up with the shower?

Bottom line: Though this bar is better than actual Pittsburgh strip clubs (sorry Cricket Lounge), if we wanted to combine our love of avant-garde art with exotic dancing, we would attend some shitty experimental art installation in Brooklyn, not a Pittsburgh strip club. Also, if you do go to Pittsburgh, be advised that the strippers are more likely to be college students than steel workers.

Pros: Though the Nudie Bar is pretty trashy, apparently, the owners and workers are easily duped. Al makes reference on several occasions to tricking strippers and management out of monies owed. He also has a tunnel from his basement directly to the Nudie Bar. This is further proof that management is oblivious, as there's no way that would make building inspectors happy. If Al Bundy can trick his way out of his tab, you should be able to save a few bucks as well.

Cons: The quality of the Nudie Bar is constantly called into question, even by Al, who has a permanent seat there complete with a name plate. Al admits on several occasions that he is more interested in the fights that happen at the Nudie Bar than he is the women. As he puts it, “Where you can't touch a breast, but you can cave in a chest, at the Nudie Bar.”

Bottom line: This place is a shithole, but the clientele like it because it is their shithole. If you can tolerate awful puns, terribly shticky bits, and a hearty dose of misogyny, you may want to consider becoming a regular yourself.

Pros: The Peppermint Hippo has a healing effect on the denizens of South Park. Chef finds himself in the ample bosom of Spontaneous Bootay. The Hippo is also the place that helps South Park Police Department weed out their wide-ranging internal corruption.

Cons: These moments of catharsis come at a cost. Drug muling, blow gun attacks, and murder-suicides are a common sight at the Hippo.

Bottom line: If you are in deep need of sexual healing, this may be the place for you, but it will come at a cost. Also, the DJ is terrible.

Pros: The music in most film and television strip clubs is awful, alternating between '80s cock rock and emotive electronica. The fact that this film's signature stripping scene is underscored by R. Kelly puts this club a cut above the rest. Also, the spot is managed by the late, great Bernie Mac.

Cons: Dressing room cat fights involving loaded fire arms and gangsters who come collecting with rocket launchers make for a less than pleasant environment.

Bottom line: Great place to visit. Wouldn't want to work there.

Pros: Not a lot of positives about the post-zombie transformation Rhino. There really weren't a lot of positives about the pre-zombie transformation Rhino either. The logo is pretty funny: it's a rhino wearing a thong. That's a plus. Look, we're trying to find anything nice to say here.

Cons: So many cons. Let's get the big one out of the way: all the strippers eventually became zombies. But, let's put that aside for a moment, as they really didn't have a choice on that one. This club was hiring inexperienced performers and serving drinks in solo cups. These two factors attracted an almost entirely bro-based clientele, which in many ways is worse than zombification.

Bottom line: When the zombie apocalypse finally comes, don't take cover at a strip club, no matter how well fortified it may be. When zombie strippers try to murder you by shooting pool balls out of their nether regions, don't come crying to us.

Pros: The club definitely has a hipster Portlandy vibe with tattooed employees and a low-key attitude. The lo-fi vibe here is more disco-ball than new-fangled-laser-beams.

Cons: Very weird clientele—even for a strip club—including a guy with an eye patch and a guy who gets off on strippers smoking his cigarette and then giving it back to him.

Bottom line: Go, but don't stay too late, and don't have an identical twin with whom you share a psychic bond as well as experience each other's physical wounds. You would get that joke if you saw I Know Who Killed Me, which you didn't.

Pros: The combination of neon and fire create appealing décor, and the creative use of boa constrictors is a nice touch. Most strip clubs don't have a live band. The drinks appear to be cheap and strong.

Cons: The only clientele allowed in are truckers and bikers, which leads to a seedier element. More damning, all of the staff are vampires somehow connected to the Aztec temple upon which the club is built.

Bottom line: Location. Location. Location. The best interior decorating in the world isn't going to change the fact that your spot is built on an ancient haunted temple which has given rise to a horde of vampiric strippers.

Pros: Good use of props both commonplace (whips) and unique (a life-sized martini glass/bubble bath). There's solid choreography that isn't too distracting. And all of it is set to a remixed version of the Pink Panther theme which isn't exactly a strip club anthem, but is far better than the music most strip club movie scenes have to offer.

Cons: Be careful if you're offered a free lap dance. The strippers may use their whips to steal any ID badges or keys you may have on your person. Also, it's very crowded in there—has to be a violation of fire code.

Bottom line: If you aren't a criminal, you'll have a good time if you can find a space in the club where you aren't pressed against sweaty old dudes like sardines in a can.

Pros: This is the kind of posh high-end London club where they play Morrissey and all of the couches look really expensive.

Cons: The huge private room has a very creepy vibe that is not helped by the sophisticated security cameras.

Bottom line: Sure, it's a great spot to vent the vengeful anger you're feeling towards your adulterous exes through a sexually-charged conversation that ends in one of you showing the other your vagina. But as a strip club, it leaves us a tad cold.

Pros: A touch of Cirque Du Soleil acrobatics never hurt anyone.

Cons: Strange goth décor and weird hand-held flashlight lighting combine to create new levels of strip joint creepiness. Weird cocoon-like performing netting: metaphorical, yes, but not very sexy. There's even the pouring of hot wax on boobs.

Bottom line: About 500% more S&M Dungeon-y than your average strip club.

Pros: The men of Xquisite really take care of the clientele. They learn complex choreography, sell them drugs, and sometimes even have sex with them. That's what we call service.

Cons: There is such a thing as overdoing it. The complex dance routines complete with themed costumes are sometimes a bit much. If they don't turn you off, McConaughey's acoustic performances definitely will. Strippers should be stripping; if we wanted to see singing and dancing, we would have gone to see Jersey Boys. Also, when strippers get wrapped in hair-brained business schemes, their work suffers.

Bottom line: Though the club gets an A for effort, the men of Xquisite would do well not to forget what the customers are there for.