25 Signs You'd Hit It Off With Your Online Crush In Real Life

You have to love dating in this political climate. In your first few minutes cruising online dating profiles, you'll see statements like "I would date anyone, as long as they don't cling to antiquated morality" or "I'm open-minded, but you must share my values." If you are one of the few people who can create an online dating profile without turning it in to an O'Reilly Factor monologue or a Colbert Report sketch, then you'll likely be happy going out with someone else who realizes that dating is political enough without getting politics involved.

You'd think that every online dating site was IvyDate given how often people feel the need to mention what college they went to. We're not sure why people think that the place that they chose to spend four years based on a combination of the ill-informed opinion of the guidance counselor and parental pressure is going to help them find a soul mate. If you and your date are part of the several dozen online daters who don't feel the need to let the world know that they were a Jayhawk or a Longhorn in a past life, then the two of you might have a wonderful time not attending collegiate sporting events together.

A number of words should be forever banned from online dating profiles, and at the top of that list is "spontaneous." We wouldn't be surprised if the number of online daters who describe themselves as spontaneous is at something like 85 percent. If you combine that number with the people who say that they are looking for someone spontaneous, we are pretty sure that the remainder of the online dating community is statistically insignificant. So, if you and your crush are among the seven people on the Internet who recognize that they lack spontaneity, then you should look into spending a well-planned, rigidly scheduled evening together.

There are only two types of "favorite foods" sections on online dating sites. Either you write one pithy sentence or phrase like "pizza" or "I like good food," or you turn your profile into a condensed digest of all the Yelp reviews you've ever written. If you are the sort of foodie who holds forth in paragraph after paragraph about exactly what types of food you like and where to eat it, it might be best to pursue someone with a similar passion for discussing cuisine. That way, the two of you can bicker for hours about what restaurant to go to and really get to know each other.

Everybody does it. Before you analyze the books they've read and the bands they listen to, you check their pictures. Physical attraction is a part of the game, no matter how you play. If a date messages you and dispenses with the "I noticed we're both into Burroughs and Vietnamese sandwiches" stuff, and you can both admit that you have some somewhat shallow intentions, then you should meet in person. That way you can see if the goods match the advertisement, and then have a nice conversation about Burroughs and Vietnamese sandwiches while thinking about the prospects of seeing each other naked.

The only place on the Internet where people try to sound as clever than they do in their online dating profile is Twitter— and it is a close contest. If you're the kind of person who went through several drafts of your profile, laboring over the perfect pun on the name of your alma mater or most charming way to nonchalantly disclose that you have three cats, it might be best if you seek another burgeoning Oscar Wilde for a date. If an online dater has a dry, crisp profile, how can you expect them to meet your standards of witty banter when you finally do get together?

Income range is another item that makes everyone uncomfortable. As a result, a disproportionate number of daters simply put "other" or "rather not say." Whether you already have a stacked 401k or you are just scraping by, openness about your cash flow shows that you don't think it is that big of a deal. Even if the person you're eyeing has a few more zeros in their bank account than you do, the fact that you have both made peace with your piece of the pie might mean that sparks could fly—even if your date is going to have to pick up that check.

No one has it easy with this one. Those of you who are built like Adonis have to incur the envy and doubt of all who look at your profile when you write that your body type is "stacked," "jacked" or something else that ends with "-acked." On the other end of the spectrum, there are those of you who have to make that fine distinction between "curvy" and "dumpy." If you're potential partner is open enough to mention how uncomfortable this process makes them, and you feel the same, maybe you'll end the night discovering each other's bodies beyond the mere use of adjectives.

One of the best things about online dating is that you get one of the biggest questions out of the way from the start: "Do you want to be in a relationship?" Can you imagine walking into a bar and having to tell all of the single females in the bar what you're there for? "Attention everyone! Can I have your attention please! I've been playing the field for a while and I think it is finally time to settle down! Could any single female in this bar who is ready to settle down and thinking about a serious relationship please step to the front so I can buy you a drink!" Even if you aren't looking for something serious, this is a bonus of online dating because you know right away if it's going to fall apart in six months because you can't commit.

One of the strangest moments in creating an online dating profile is answering whether or not you want children. We don't know about you, but there aren't very many days when we wake up and contemplate whether or not we want kids. Going into a casual date with that kind of pressure is a very weird feeling. Whether or not you want to have a family is the kind of discussion we usually reserve for at least the six-month mark in our offline relationships. If you and your date both want kids, but don't want to talk about wanting kids, then you might make a good couple that takes meticulous precautions with contraceptives.

We only say this because we are pretty sure that every single online dating profile in history has included that statement that the user "loves to travel." Who doesn't? We understand if you "don't mind spending quiet evenings in your pajamas eating take out" or "enjoy unwinding with a nice glass of wine" (also things pretty much everyone says), but we have yet to meet the person who wouldn't jump at the chance to see the world if their job, family, hobbies, and favorite TV shows weren't always getting in the way. Nonetheless, almost every online dater wants potential partners to know that they imagine themselves conquering the world with their new companion by their side...even if they haven't gotten around to getting that pesky passport yet.

The number of profiles that begin with "I'm a glass half-full kind of person" is staggering. We have yet to meet someone online who claims they are a glass half-empty kind of person, and we feel like we would like to party with a person with that kind of honesty about their bleak outlook on life. If you like to lead with your optimism, and express said optimism vis-à-vis how you look at liquid, then it might be good to find a person who also sees the world through half-full glasses.

It isn't called "online friending," yet there is always an option to claim that you are on an online dating site to make new friends. We understand why this is here, though. When someone walks through the restaurant door and proceeds to bore you to tears within minutes, then you can fall back to discussing how you are trying to make new friends (i.e. never see them again). There is nothing wrong with the safety net of making new friends. If you are cruising a profile and they say the same thing, you know that both of you are the kind of people who like a back-up plan. Just be prepared: If they steer the conversation to how they are trying to make friends when you do finally meet up for a date, then you'll know exactly what they mean.

Everyone likes walks on the beach. Who doesn't? The beach, in general, is one of the nicest things on earth. That's why people vacation there. No one says, "Oh God, I can't wait until the summer to get away from this and spend some time on the prairie." Why then, do we think that two romantics who write that they love nothing more than waterfront strolls will hit it off? Well, it takes a special kind of person to admit that you like the most clichéd thing to like in the history of liking things. If you have the courage for this, then you deserve a lover who is just as earnest as you are.

Online dating is one of the only times in life when you have the chance to take your time and compose that perfect response. Many users take a few too many liberties with that time. Who can blame them? When someone messages you, it means that they took an interest in your profile. You want your messages to have the same easy charm (that you took days cultivating) that your profile exudes. If your prospective partner is equally obsessive about how they are going to write that perfect response, the two of you might just have a shot at enjoying being terribly awkward in person together.

For some people, a restaurant isn't enough. For these online daters, the idea of a simply eating dinner and getting to know each other is unbearable. For them, each date should be like a snowflake, a unique creation. These are the sort of people of suggest ice skating in winter, gallery hopping in the spring, and hiking in the summer. Dating with these people is always an interesting experience, but just make sure you're honest about your ice skating prowess before you hit the rink, and if you go on a hike, make sure you can make your way back alone if you say the wrong thing.

Most online dating sites match you with potential mates by asking you questions. Sometimes they give you the chance to explain your answer. There are those of us out there that don't want to miss out on someone who gives differing answers, so we will opt to explain our answer to almost every question. You're the kind of person who, when asked if you "like cuddling," answers yes, but then clarifies, "But I would totally be down with not cuddling. If you're the kind of person who doesn't like to cuddle, well, that's fine and all. I don't want to make you uncomfortable." If you are an explainer, find someone else who likes to explain, and the two of you can spend a wonderful evening explaining your rationale for always explaining things.

There are two schools of thought when taking that carefully cultivated Internet flirtation into the flesh. Some prefer to have as little contact as possible prior to a first date. After all, dating is largely about getting to know each other. If you already know each other before you start dating, then what are the dates for? There are those out there who like to try to make sure that they are making a good bet. They like to gather as much information as possible. They will read your profile like tea leaves, making sure they approve of your favorite books, movies and bands. Then, they analyze your chat history, deeming you sufficiently witty before you meet in person. There is nothing wrong with either of these approaches, but if someone else has the same style as you, it might mean that online and offline love are in the cards.

Beyond politics and religion, the most divisive argument online is between dog people and cat people. When you first create an online dating profile, one of the most striking things is how vehemently users take their stand in favor of pups or felines. While you may be able to cross religious boundaries, and politics can be thrust aside for love, we just aren't sure if a dog person and a cat person can become one.

It's not that you're vain, it's just that 500 characters isn't enough letters to describe "you." Sure, there are those enigmatic types that simply slot in a pun or a pithy quote and call it a day, but you need to let them know at least something about what defines you. How are they going to choose between you and the dozens of other matches that cross their computer screen if you don't describe yourself in complete detail? Not only does your prospective mate need to know your dreams, they need a detailed outline of all of the dreams you've had since your were 11. If this makes sense to you, we suggest finding someone with a similar distaste for brevity as you venture out into the wild online yonder.

In our experience, it isn't your astrological sign that matters, it is whether or not you put any stock in astrology at all. If you believe that the cosmos has a real impact on your daily life, then you'll probably get along with someone else who has stars in their eyes. This works both ways. If you and your online crush doubt that the movements of the universe have any concern for little old you, there is a good chance you'll enjoy mocking astrology together over a warm cup of joe...as long as Venus is in the third house.

Many online daters view their favorite books and movies section as an intelligence gauge. They may secretly have a undying love for the Air Bud and Legally Blonde franchises, but they are going to name drop Almodóvar instead. "Tuesdays with Morrie" and the rest of Mitch Albom's oeuvre might have made them cry, but they limit their favorite books section to Russian authors. If you and your crush only have intelligentsia approved names on these lists, the two of you might just bond over feeling guilty about not owning up to your guilty pleasures.

What would you say are your best qualities? What do people immediately notice about you? What attracts people to you? Questions like these pop up on online dating websites all the time. Some users just go for it and let you know that people immediately notice their massive muscles or ample booty. Others are sure to let you know just how educated they are and how many advanced degrees they possess. Others try to brush off every potential chance to brag about themselves with a healthy dose of self-deprecation. If you are the sort of person who responds to a question like "What's the first thing people notice about you?" with a cheeky "That I'm staring at them through the window," you might want to find a similarly modest mate.

Creating a username is one of the most stressful moments in someone's online life. Many of us remember carelessly creating an AIM screen name back in the day and are still haunted by the noms de Internet from our youth. Whether you were "cuddlybutterfly77" or "kornweeddude69," it was not a good scene. Dating websites have created this problem for us all over again, and the stakes are so much higher. Adding one too many numerals or foolishly working the fact that you are a "coffeefan" into your username could lead to prospective mates dismissing you without even bothering to read your profile. If you and your digital crush put an equal amount of time into creating your username, you two neurotic lovers might just make it in this crazy world.