25 Phrases A Grown-Ass Man Should Never Say

There are quite a number of terrible hollering phrases out there, but this has to be the worst. If you are calling attention to a lady's physical assets, at least there is a grain of a compliment beneath your lewd catcall. But, the smiling line makes no sense. Who made you the grand arbiter of smiling? Why should women have to smile whenever they're around you? Presumably, the purpose of catcalling is to get a girl to stop and talk to you. It's a safe bet that at no point in human history has a woman stopped and flirted with a man who just told her to smile.

Either come or don't. You don't need to put on a show implying that you have some incredibly full social schedule that you may or may not be able to alter to fit in an appearance at the party. Your friends already know that your Friday night is either going to be spent with them or at home catching up on Game of Thrones. It's okay to choose the comfort of your couch and the warming glow of your television screen: just own it. No one cares that much if you show up anyway.

Unless you've taken a second job as an MMA promoter, you shouldn't be saying this. Resorting to physical violence is never the solution, but it happens. Sometimes you have to throw down. But, being the guy yipping in the background, egging the whole thing on is never a good look. Have your boy's back if he gets into a fight, but don't be the person responsible for it.

It is always good to consult those who know a little bit more than you about fashion, but you shouldn't have to rely on the ladies and menswear bloggers in your life for the simplest of style choices. If you are capable of looking up who played the henchmen in that last super hero movie on IMDB, then between the Internet and your powers of observation you should be able to figure out color coordination.

Most of the time someone is seeking advice, they're really just looking for a person who will to listen to them. Even when they're really looking for help figuring out what to do, they want to hear what they should do, not what you would do. Unless they come out and ask, "What would you do?" it's probably a bad idea to make to take their problem and make it about yourself.

It's cool to be the drunkest guy in the room at underage frat parties, but that coolness factor declines sharply from there. There will be nights where you just have to get hammered to forget the pain of the world. That's okay. Everybody does it. When you do decide to tie one on, do everyone a favor and take it in stride when you get cut off. Besides, if you really want to keep drinking, you can always buy a 40 from the local bodega and continue the party until you pass out.

Women know very well that this line is just a way for you to get away with calling her a bitch. Here's the thing: calling her a bitch might actually get you further ahead. If you think a woman is being "bitchy" at least you're admitting that she is directing her ire at you for something that you said or did, rather than claiming her anger is the result of biology. Not only is this question disrespectful, but it's passive aggressive. If your girl's acting like she's mad at you, it's because of something you did.

You're never going to win this one. If your friend's girlfriend is abrasive, rude, manipulative, or anything other negative adjective you can think of without saying the "b word", chances are that your boy is well aware. If he is still with her, then he has decided that the positives outweigh the negatives, at least for now. Even if everyone around them can see that the relationship is toxic, you can't help someone until they want to be helped.

In our technologically advanced world, it is hard to admit when you don't know where you are. Not only has your map failed you, but your arsenal of gadgets and apps didn't come through either. Even in a world where we have Siri to guide us to the promised land, it is okay if you actually get lost. On the bright side, the gas station attendant will likely be pretty nice to you because these days people don't often stop and ask for directions.

Anybody who's really somebody doesn't have to go around making sure everybody knows that he's somebody. If you are one of the fortunate few to find success and influence, the least you can do is not be a dick. No matter how much money you make, you may still have to wait in line at the post office, and you should expect bad customer service from time to time. Don't sweat these humbling moments. Most of the time you'll be able to buy yourself out of that bullshit anyway; that's what makes America great.

Joe Carter has some good rules regarding when it's appropriate to correct someone's grammar. In his view, it is only appropriate to unleash your inner grammarian when "a) you are asked to do so, b) getting paid to do so c) the person is both under the age of eighteen and your own kid." These seem to be pretty reasonable guidelines, and you'll note that nowhere does he say "if it's a person you disagree with on the Internet." Grammar does seem to be a fading discipline, and it is almost painful to read what some people write and hear what some people speak. You'll get the best results and prevent people from thinking you're an asshole if you lead the grammatical renaissance by example and not through correction.

Accepting a break-up is never easy. The longer the relationship, the harder it is to let go. Adulthood doesn't mean that you won't feel that pain, but it does mean understanding that it's over. If one party has decided to end the relationship, there was usually a good reason, a reason that isn't going to suddenly fix itself. It is best to realize that if a relationship was going to be fixed, it would have happened before the breakup. At this point, all that's left to do is move on.

If you're waiting for a friend to tell you that you were right, you'll often wait a long time. No one likes to admit when they're wrong. If there's anything people enjoy less than admitting they were wrong, it's being told they were wrong. Don't be the guy with his chest puffed out and a glint in his eyes when your friend comes back to you with his tail between his legs. You know you were right. Isn't that enough?

This is code for "How little can I get away with tipping without embarrassing myself?" You already know the answer is "20% unless the service was dreadful," so don't ask. If you feel that your server so disrespected or disappointed you that you have to take it out of their paycheck, make that choice boldly and live with the social consequences. If you can't do that, then pay 20% and next time find a restaurant with a friendlier waitstaff.

This may be true, it may not, in fact, be your problem, but there are far more diplomatic ways to tell somebody that you aren't responsible. Before you essentially tell someone to fuck off, think about if you can offer a solution. If you have no words of wisdom, then something like "I'm not sure how to help you." or "I think John in accounting might be a better resource on this one." will get you a lot further than blowing them off. If you use this phrase too often, the next time you have a problem, you'll probably have a hard time finding anyone to help you solve it.

It's strange, but as a culture we feel that we can say things on the Internet that we would never dare say in real life. Despite the articles we've seen about people losing their job over tweets and seeing the consequences of poorly chosen words on our Facebook feeds every day, we still can't seem to tone down our web rhetoric. In our increasingly digitized world, we have to try our best to imagine that there aren't screens between us and the people we're talking to. Otherwise, we risk ruining real life relationships.

Being too busy is a way for us to hide from our insecurities. This helps many Americans turn work into an addiction. If you don't magically achieve everything you thought you were going to achieve, it's okay because you're making sure to grind yourself to the bone along the way. Presidents, composers, and astronauts have made time for vacations, and you can too. You'll find that a couple weeks off of the grind will give you a renewed sense of purpose. If you never take your foot off the gas, you'll never know if you've been going in the wrong direction.

I recently spoke to a friend that has recently found himself in the position of doing a lot of hiring and firing. I asked him how he's able to do it. He told me there are three reasons that someone gets fired 1. They can't do the job. 2. They feel the job is beneath them and aren't invested. 3. The company can no longer afford to pay them (we call that one "laid off"). It doesn't take a savvy employee to see any of these scenarios on the horizon. It simply takes a cognizant human being. There's nothing that can take away the sting from getting let go, but pretending to be blindsided isn't going to make things any easier.

In your adult life you are going to meet people of all sorts of ages in all sorts of jobs. You will meet 45 year-old waiters and 24 year-old CEOs. Unless a person you're talking to volunteers what it is they would rather be doing in their career, don't bring it up. Odds are that the guy behind the Geek Squad counter never imagined himself working as a Best Buy clerk at 40. There are even better odds that he really doesn't want to talk about it.

I don't need to quote Master Yoda, as his words have been written on your heart long ago, but I'll do it anyway, "Do or do not. There is no try." If you say you're going to do something, follow through. If you don't plan on executing, then be up front about it. If you aren't sure if you can do it, then it's probably not a good idea to tell people that you can. And if you don't do something you say you're going to do, apologize.

If you're going to apologize, then apologize. If you aren't, then don't. A disagreement has never been successfully resolved with an "I'm sorry you feel that way." All this phrase does is deepen resentment while putting a flimsy band-aid over the wound. If you aren't sorry, then the best thing you can do is say as much, or maybe say nothing at all.

Stop right there, because the next thing you're going to say is definitely racist. Beginning a sentence with this phrase implies that you think what will be said next could be construed as racist. If you think it could be construed as racist, then the person you're saying it to will probably think it's racist. So, then you have to ask yourself, why did you decide to say this thing in the first place?

This can be said in reference to politics, religion, or the likelihood of the Knicks making the playoffs. Belief is a strong thing, and all of us believe in something. No one wants their beliefs cast in doubt. You might not like the fact that your boy is shaving his head and putting on robes a couple times a week, but you only really have two options when a friend believes something you think is bullshit. You can either call an intervention or let their belief run its course. If you think that reasoned argument changes belief, you need look no further than your Facebook wall for proof to the contrary.

Life is not a strict meritocracy. People who don't deserve success are going to find it from time to time. Pointing it out isn't going to make you look like a sage; it's going to make you look like an envious jerk. If someone finds success that you don't think they earned, you should keep that between you and your journal. Don't worry, usually ill-gotten gains fade away with time. If they don't, then it might be time revisit your earlier judgments.

"Life's not fair." I can still hear my father whipping out this response every time I told him something as trivial as a board game loss "wasn't fair." Turns out he was right. As you watch friends lose their jobs, fall victim to medical ailments, and die too young, you learn that life isn't fair. If you haven't learned it yet, then you've been lucky so far. In that case, keep your head down and take our word for it.