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We all know Ansel Elgort. He's the son of the wealthy, famous photographer who stars in all those movies the kids are into. He made girls cry in The Fault in Our Stars, tripled down with the Insurgent series, and played a teen addicted to video games in the not-very-good Men, Women & Children, so chances are you're pretty aware of who he is.
What you may not know about Ansel though is that he quite possibly gives the douchiest interviews ever—and boy does he give them a lot. In nearly all of his interviews, Ansel tries so hard to be nonchalant, down to earth, and most importantly, a non-threatening champion of women that he ends up being the exact opposite. It's like watching an endless loop of the clip from Good Will Hunting when Matt Damon tells Robin Williams, "I have been laid, you know. BIG time." Except it's in text form.
The thing is, I bet Ansel's a totally fine person. He's probably like any other 21-year-old from New York City, which is to say still pretty shitty, but not exceptionally shitty. In interviews, though? Damn. He sounds like he's THE WORST. Here are some a ton of examples:
Ansel on How Awesome He Is
The Quote: “When I first met Afrojack and Nicky [Romero] told him I made 'Totem,' he was, like, freaking out. He told me that it was his favorite track to play at the time, and he couldn't belive that I'm an actor and a credible producer.”
The Interview: GQ.com, March 16, 2015
This is a good place to start even though it's his most recent interview because it's pretty much indicative of how Ansel sounds in all of his interviews. This isn't even a humblebrag—it's just straight-up bragging.
Ansel on His Totally Chill Dad
The Quote: “[My friend] Jordan and I used to throw eggs off my roof and hit cars. We got in trouble with the police when I was 15. They came to our door. I told my dad, 'We were throwing eggs off the roof and you were out of town and they got really mad at us and said if we did it again we would get in trouble, but we're never going to do it again.' I said it all in one sentence. He was like, 'Okay.'”
The Interview: Seventeen, April 2015
Yooo, what a wild story bro. Your dad is a G, for real.
Ansel on Being a DJ
The Quote: “I'll work thirteen hours at a time producing a new track. Not a lot of people understand that—not girlfriends, friends, family.”
The Interview: GQ, December 2014
Please tell me more, Ansel. What's that? You only go by Ansølo when you DJ? Ahh, sorry I gotta go. I just remembered I have a dentist appointment.
Ansel on Being Teased by a Writer
The Quote:
@ChrisRyan77 I like grantland and I'm surprised u had @BillSimmons stamp of approval. That article is clearly a cheap trick to get clicks
— Ansel Elgort (@AnselElgort) December 1, 2014
The Interview: Just Twitter
For full context, this was Ansel's response to this piece, in which Grantland's Chris Ryan spent 300 words making fun of the hat Ansel wore to a Knicks game. This tweet is like that time you were 13 and someone at summer camp made fun of you so you went to the head counselor… and then you realized tattling was just going to make lights out worse for you.
Ansel on Giving Gifts
The Quote: “I like to buy girls shoes and jewelry. I buy stupidly expensive shoes. I got Louboutins for my mom and my girlfriend before. My mom was like, 'I can't wear these; they're too high.' I was like, 'Mom, you have to try them - they're so cool. They're red snakeskin!' She still wears them every so often but she can't walk in them.”
The Interview: Seventeen, April 2015
TOTALLY RELATABLE.
Ansel on Being Lowkey Rapey
The Quote: “Girls love it when you have some weird nerdy thing in your room. It makes you look less threatening, even though I'm, like, very threatening. I'm the most threatening guy ever.”
The Interview: GQ, December 2014
Props to GQ for italicizing that “very,” just so we could all get the full magnitude of Ansel's creepiness. Ansel, as a rule, joking about being rapey is the same thing as being rapey.
Ansel on Bomb-Ass Girls
The Quote: “If you can find a girl who you can go to an EDM concert with, have a conversation with, who will sit on the couch and watch you play GTA for three hours—and then you go to bed and have amazing sex? That should be your girlfriend.”
The Interview: Elle, March 2015
Oh God, it's getting worse.
Ansel on the Virtue of Sweat
The Quote: “I love when a girl is like, 'I can't hang out. I have to go to class.' And I go pick her up and she's all sweaty in a leotard with her hair in a bun. That's the hottest thing ever.”
The Interview: Elle, March 2015
What the fuck?
Ansel on Totally Not Caring About Fame
The Quote: “I don't really care that some trashy girl, like, now all of the sudden wants to fuck me. That's not really that interesting to me.”
The Interview: GQ, December 2014
How thinkpieces weren't written about this quote is beyond me.
Ansel on How Unfuckable Shailene Woodley Is
The Quote: “I've never once wanted her sexually.”
The Interview: Seventeen, April 2015
What Ansel was trying to say was he and Shailene are just friends, and how that's totally cool. But don't worry, bro, I'm sure she's happy you phrased it this way instead.
Ansel on Losing His Virginity at 14
The Quote: “I had no clue what I was doing, and neither did the girl. I didn't even make the lighting good. That'd be one thing I'd do differently. It was, like, fluorescent, bright bedroom light, like, over the covers.”
The Interview: Elle, March 2015
Now this is how you execute a humblebrag. One second your boy's “revealing” how he got laid at an early age, but then he pulls out some nonsense about the aesthetics of flourescent lighting to throw off the teens so they're like OH MY GOD HE'S SO ROMANTICCCC.
Ansel on Playing Basketball Against an Overweight 48-Year-Old
The Quote: “I went hard at him right away, before realizing he's Adam Sandler, not just a guy, and I probably shouldn't destroy him... I kicked his ass.”
The Interview: Details, March 2015
Anytime you can school an old guy, you gotta do it.
Ansel on Stupid Nightclubs
The Quote: “Some nightlife places, people aren’t there for the music and it's depressing. I'm not just a club DJ, I am a producer, and I'll only DJ when the crowd is there to enjoy the music.”
The Interview: Complex, March 21, 2014
OMG. SO. TRUE.