Canadians are so goddamn nice, they've already practically opened their homes to brain-possessing Americans vowing to leave America in the event of a Trump presidency. But as with any sinking ship, there are always those brave souls willing to stay behind and continue fighting the good fight until the last possible second. John Oliver is one such dude.
Speaking at the Center for Reproductive Rights gala, Oliver assured the nation he had absolutely no interest in fleeing to Canada. "I'm not going to Canada," Oliver said, Salon reported Wednesday. "Armageddon is not enough to force me up there."
Oliver has more Titanic-esque plans in place for this theoretical Trump presidency. "I'm staying in this country like the string quartet stayed on the Titanic," Oliver promised. "If Donald Trump swears into office, I will stay here for his inauguration, turning to the people to my left and my right and saying, 'gentlemen, it has been an honor.'"
Oliver also discussed Trump’s recent remarks on abortions, breaking down the GOP nominee's apparent ignorance on the topic so succinctly that we're just going to paste the whole damn thing here:
"His discussion of late-term abortions showed no real understanding of how abortions work, no clear understanding of the basic biology of women’s bodies and a very poor sense of grammar as well. If you asked Donald Trump to draw a fallopian tube, I can’t imagine what you’d get back, other than a child’s drawing of a cobra."
Oliver already has his first major post-voting gig lined up. The Last Week Tonight host will be joined by Late Show boss Stephen Colbert for a post-election throwdown. The special event, officially dubbed Wow That Was Weird: A Post-Election Evening With Stephen Colbert and John Oliver, takes place Nov. 19 in New Jersey. Proceeds will benefit the Montclair Film Festival.