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With the Chris Rock-hosted 88th Academy Awards now just days away, Leonardo DiCaprio’s assumed Oscar for his bear-battling performance in The Revenant is so close one would presume the newly minted Pope BFF can almost taste it. At this point, even when you factor in the reality that DiCaprio has also made some decidedly bad movies, the fact that dude doesn’t already have something golden and human-shaped to place on his mantel is downright ridiculous.

Sadly, we must also be mindful of chance and thus prepare for a world in which DiCaprio is once again robbed of his glory. What if a vengeful bear crashes the ceremony? What if the Academy gives Josh Brolin his five requested Oscars instead? What if DiCaprio's infamous Best Supporting Vape ruins everything for everyone? In the event of such an upset, the DiCaprio-minded YouTube user EmileJamieSung Project has kindly prepared (see above) an acceptance speech for future enjoyment using a ton of classic scenes from the actor's huge catalog of hits.

"Every single day of this movie was difficult," DiCaprio told Wired of his Revenant experience last year. "It was the most difficult film I’ve ever done. You’ll see, when you see the film—the endurance that we all had to have is very much up on the screen." Adding that each day on set was "a challenge not to get hypothermia," DiCaprio said the hardest thing about working under the direction of Birdman mastermind Alejandro González Iñárritu was getting in and out of all those frozen bodies of water.

Of course, should Leonardo DiCaprio once again end up Oscarless this Sunday, we all know exactly who what to blame: The Beach.