Cats love catnip, ignoring your existence until they need something, and lube. Everyone knows this. That's why Richard Hovan, a 33-year-old former teacher and MIT graduate accused of having sex with his 16-year-old student, blamed his cat for an opened bottle of lube seen in a photo of the two mid-coitous.
Hovan's then fiancé caught the two having sex and snapped a photo with the bottle of lube in plain sight. He testified in court that he didn't open the lube, but it might have been his cat. "My cats open the fridge, they open the cabinet, all of those things. I don't know."
Predictably, Assistant District Attorney Shanda Strain wasn't having it:
"The lube is almost empty, right?" Strain said.
"Yes," Hovan said.
"The cats played with it? ... So do they have opposable thumbs?" the ADA asked with sarcasm.
Hovan then boldly claimed that his pair of felines are very capable — and are "perhaps" the reason for the open container, even though there would have been a seal on the bottle.
His defense doesn't end there, though. Havan also claims he was just doing a crossword puzzle with his student when they were caught by his fiancé. Why the student then fled down the fire escape doesn't register with the assistant D.A. "If you're just sitting down on the couch doing crossword puzzles, why is [the victim] climbing down the fire escape?" Strain asked. "Does that make any sense?"
The jury begins deliberation today on charges of statutory rape, criminal sex acts, and child endangerment. They'll consider "thousands of texts with the girl, flirty emails and proof they had spent the night together" brought forward by the prosecution.