Director: Stuart Beattie
Stars: Aaron Eckhart, Bill Nighy, Yvonne Strahovski, Jai Courtney, Miranda Otto, Nicholas Bell, Kevin Grevioux, Caitlin Stasey
Remember that emo, crying Frankenstein's monster in the awful 2004 film Van Helsing? He's Lou Ferrigno compared to Aaron Eckhart's Adam (yes, that's the monster's name here: Adam). Figuratively defecating all over Mary Shelley's classic creation, the makers of this humorless and altogether inept Underworld knockoff treat Boris Karloff's ghost worse than Robert Pattinson did Bela Lugosi's.
Had director Stuart Beattie and screenwriter Kevin Grevious embraced the concept's silliness, I, Frankenstein could've been a fun diversion, a sort of Penny Dreadful for Expendables fans. Playing everything as if they're trying to turn Eckhart into the next Charles Bronson, though, they only cast a brighter light on the film's rampant cheesiness and dollar-bin visuals. Because of I, Frankenstein, Van Helsing's filmmakers deserve an apology from all of that movie's haters. —Matt Barone