Image via Complex Original
In an attempt to shave precious seconds off of its already breakneck turnaround times, McDonald's is adding a third window to its drive-through lane. Branded Fast Forward Drive-Thru, the additional pick-up spot allows customers to pull up to a second window for orders, doubling the restaurant's ability to distribute fries and burgers. The innovation comes as the result of bellyaching customers, who are apparently tortured by the idea of waiting 30 extra seconds for a Big Mac.
Well, if change in the fast food industry is inspired by petty gripes, then Complex City Guide has some of its own. From all day breakfast to delivery, there are countless ways to improve the fast food court experience. Behold, 10 Innovations Every Fast Food Restaurant Needs.
RELATED: 10 Discontinued Fast Food Items We Want Back
RELATED: 25 Junk Foods We Wish Still Existed
RELATED: The 20 Greatest Taco Bell Menu Items of All Time
All Day Breakfast
The combination of eggs, Canadian bacon, and an English muffin seems specifically concocted for a person who wakes up at noon reeking of Jameson. So why, for the love of Yeezus, do fast food restaurants cutoff breakfast one second after 11 a.m.? Sure, our country's marred by The National Debt and Flo Rida remixes, but extended breakfast hours for fast food restaurants is our most pressing domestic issue. Do your patriotic duty, fast food purveyors of America, and make perfectly toasted croissants an all-day affair.
Beer on Tap
Fast food joints are overrun with complex carbohydrates and the potent aroma of bacon and vegetable oil. The only thing missing from the visceral experience of wolfing down a burger and fries is an ice-cold beer. But, if you crack a Coors Light wide mouth can in a crowded Wendy's, a member of the staff will clobber you over the head with a dustpan and call the cops.
This isn't communist North Korea, fast food CEOs. Stop treating your adult customers like children and install some keg lines. What's the worst that could happen?
Happy Meal Toys for Adults
No matter your age, the excitement of a free gift never gets old. So, graduating from a four-piece nugget meal to a super-sized Big Mac shouldn't mean having to give up your complimentary tchotchke. Of course, as appetites and tastes change, the toys should as well. While your kid enjoys a wind-up version of Lightning McQueen from Cars 2 with his Happy Meal, you get a Celebrity Apprentice branded wine opener with your Bacon Habanero Ranch Quarter Pounder. That's the kind of world we should live in.
DIY Salting
The fries are an integral part of any fast food meal, but sometimes they're salted with the subtlety of a Mike Tyson uppercut. By empowering consumers to salt their own starches, burger joints can ensure a meal that's made to taste and market it as a "healthy lifestyle option." That's called a win-win.
The Sauce Packet Jackpot
It's 2013 and, quite frankly, ketchup and barbeque sauce aren't getting the job done like they used to in 1962. If the fast food industry wants to stay relevant with the ever evolving, Instagram-crazed culture of today's diner, it's going to have to display some cilantro lime vinaigrette packets and water chestnut spinach dip alongside the staple tubs of tomato sauce.
Booths Engineered to Prevent Weird Couples From Sitting Next to Each Other
YouTube comments and Teletubbies notwithstanding, there's nothing more disconcerting than the couple that close eats on the same side of the bench. Like, if you guys are so painfully codependent that you have to be close at all times, wouldn't it make sense to sit on opposite sides of the table and stare longingly into one another's souls? Uninterrupted eye contact while simultaneously enjoying a Filet-o-Fish with your partner is more intimate than a Spearmint Rhino lap dance, juheard?
You can’t depend on two hormone-frenzied teenagers that met in Madrigals Club to police themselves. So, it’s up to fast food restaurants to keep the palpable stink of high school band love out of the dining room. A Chevy Silverado-like center console on all benches would work, and it would also provide an additional cup holder.
Complimentary Mouthwash
Napkins and sporks are worthwhile add-ons to a fast food meal, but a mouthwash sample would make the cypher complete. Mouthwash is used to cleanse your face cavity of whatever regretful action it may have been a part of, and housing an entire value meal in three-minutes certainly qualifies.
Grilled Cheese
Every fast food restaurant has the ingredients and pipeline to market a grilled cheese sandwich, but, for whatever reason, the public is saddled with seasonal shakes and braided crust pizza instead. SMH. As a dietary staple amongst marijuana-addled burnouts, the grilled cheese sandwich is more than just a potentially lucrative menu item; it's a statement of good will directed towards the fast food industry's most loyal demographic.
All-Encompassing Drive-Thru Windows
You can't really blame fast food workers for being weary of pranksters. As the exploding watermelon is to Gallagher, the drive-through window attendant is to YouTube hooligans. That said, there's no reason to discriminate against those who approach the interactive menu in something other than a Ford Windstar. Whether it's by bike, on foot, or horseback, the drive-through lane should be open to all.
Delivery
Fast food, as a business model, capitalizes on the categorical laziness of its customers. From the drive-through window to the ticket times, each restaurant offers a quick and convenient alternative to, like, poaching one's own salmon in a kitchen and washing dirty dishes afterwards. But, why stop at window-to-window service and a 30 second turnaround time? Wouldn't the world be a better place if Ronald McDonald made paper sack deliveries door-to-door on his moped?
Members of the fast food Illuminati, don't let a painful four block walk or tedious car ride get between a man and his craving for Double Stacks.
