Image via Complex Original
There's no doubt that a good first person shooter video game can be fun to play alone or with a group of friends. With the evolution of graphics and realistic tactical gameplay, it's easy to become so engaged that some of the action bleeds into real-life. Especially if you're an FPS addict. just think of how funny the phrase "boom, headshot" is in any context. When you hear the term "lobbyist," the first thing that comes into mind is a multiplayer lobby where the most offensive insults are hurled like stun grenades. If you find yourself nodding your head and smirking in agreement, chance are, you're an FPS addict described in the following slides.
First person shooter addicts are relatively harmless of course, the most trouble they cause in real-life is during an online, multiplayer match where they often blow their tempers and cuss incessantly into their headsets. Otherwise, they just use terms that only other addicts understand, leaving non-gamer friends and family members in a state of confusion.
If first person shooters have taken over your life, the first step in understanding what you're dealing with is knowing if you are indeed an addict. Check out these 10 Signs You're a First Person Shooter Addict to see if time away from the controller is necessary.
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10. You accuse people who get things before you do of camping.
No one wants to admit it but there has been a time in every FPS player's in-game career where they've camped out to get easy kills. As their gameplay matured, most former campers grew to shun the idea of camping in favor of more honorable shootouts on the battlefield. Unfortunately, there will always be new campers and if you've been a victim, that baggage will travel along into life's real moments. When someone was able to get sold out movie tickets on opening night before you could, it's believed that they unfairly camped for them. Higher score on an exam? The jerk camped. The reality is that you're the one tripping. Camping is a good thing in the actual world.
9. Your wardrobe is referred to as your "loadout."
Clothing isn't just stuff you wear anymore, It's an experience of preparation. In the eyes of a first person shooter addict, going through a closet to get ready for the day is just like preparing for a new campaign mission. How much protection will a Crooks & Castles hoodie provide against rifle fire? Can these Foamposites handle the blast from a landmine?
8. Being offered tea is offensive.
Being offerered tea is often meant as an expression of comfort or hospitality. In the mind of the FPS addict, the offering is a sneaky way of implying that the person wants to kill them and squat over their face in mockery. Tea bagging is always a humiliating death in first person shooters so for someone to be so sensitive is understandable. Imagine the type of anxiety comes with witnessing Tea Time in London, attending a Japanese tea ceremony or even being near a Tea Party protest march. It's enough to shatter the nerves of the most hardened virtual soldier.
7. A significant other is referred to as your sniper.
These days, people tend to avoid titles in relationships, but that means nothing to the FPS addict. The sniper is the best form of back-up you could have in a game so that's just what they call their boo thangs. You'll know that you've hit rock bottom when you tell your friends about the time you had your "sniper" take care of your mom when she was sick while you handled the rest of the family. Try explaining that one to the NSA.
6. The term "lobbyist" takes on a new meaning.
Although they both linger around and spew nonsense like nobody's business, an actual lobbyist is not someone who runs their mouth while waiting for a multiplayer match to start. True lobbyists are the ones who run their mouths while waiting for a politician's greed lust to start.
5. Vacations are called "new maps."
To the first person shooter addict, new maps are the most exciting bonuses to a game. They contain new places to go and brand new environments to look at. So it should be no surprise that an FPS fiend would go to a travel agent and ask for them to download them a new map for a vacation. Too bad airlines don't take Microsoft points.
4. When faced with an engagment you don't want to go to, planting a turret is always an option.
Turrets are a great proxy when you're under heavy enemy fire and you need to be in a number of places at the same time. Not so much at a family gathering or sibling's piano recital. The clapping a turret does won't count the same as the type hands do when little Sarah bows for her standing ovation.
3. When tired or injured, you hide behind a large object.
Screw bandages and rest, running behind a building or crouching behind a large crate is more than enough to get an addict back to full health. The only problem is that when they eventually pass out from something serious, there aren't any real-life radars for a medic to use to find him. That is unless Google Glass has something up their sleeves.
2. You refer to home, school or work as respawn points.
If you've ever told someone to meet you at the main spawn point and you're talking about the crib, it's time to shut down the console and go for a long, self-reflective walk. Home is almost always your starting point but telling that to the wrong person could put you in hot water for it's pervy undertones.
1. You scream "boom, headshot" after sex.
Out of all the cool and sexy things to say in bed, "boom, headshot" is what will lose every cool point you've ever had with your significant other. It's guaranteed that there will be another headshot coming but it won't be the type you'd want to brag about.
