Justin Bieber will sue you for $5 million if you divulge the secrets of his house parties, TMZ reports. If the pop star invites you to his house in Calabasas, California, it's with the understanding that if you discuss the "physical health, or the philosophical, spiritual or other views or characteristics" of Bieber or the other esteemed guests, you will be served. The waiver you have to sign before entering guarantees it. This places visiting Justin Bieber's home on the same level as white water rafting and skydiving in terms of liability.

Oh, you want to let your mom know you're having such a fun time with Justin and can curfew please be 11:30 p.m., just this once? Guess what, fun-loving young person, you just got your ass sued— because you just blabbed about the fun. The fun must be secret.

What the hell is all this secret fun about? What's going on at these house parties that calls for such drastic measures? What is Justin Bieber hiding?

We have our theories.

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