The infamous “Smoke Monster” is actually on his payroll.

One of the crazier ideas on Lost—which, of course, Abrams co-created—was the inscrutable antagonist known simply as the “smoke monster.” At any given moment during any episode, Ol’ Smokey could whip through a scene, toss characters into trees and through the air, and raise the ABC hit’s body count. We won’t get into specifics about who (or what) the smoke monster actually was, but it’s important to know that its primary objective was to act as a security system of sorts, protecting the island from those who wanted to exit and expose its secrets.

Sounds like something our boy Abrams could use to his advantage in real life, huh? We haven’t heard about any overly talkative film writers dying via mini tornadoes recently, but who’s to say that the real Smokey isn’t more concerned with fear mongering than homicide? Just as some ballsy blogger is about to upload exclusive images of the Cloverfield monster, or Super 8’s beastie, the huge gust of black smoke crashes through the writer’s window, knocks the Star Wars posters off his wall, and sends his computer hurdling through the air.

Or, Ol’ Smokey confiscates the desktop, takes it back to his tropical island lair, and watches all of the free porn. Shit, that’s what we’d do, at least.