You can tell a lot about a TV show from its title. Well, sometimes you can. In Terriers, FX's new sleuth series premiering tonight at 10 p.m., Donal Logue stars as an ex-cop and drunk who forms an unlicensed private detective agency with his friend. Not that we knew any of that from the title, or the teaser television spots in which a literal terrier runs around and digs up an assault rifle. We thought it was Best in Show: The TV Series until synopses and more recent ads showed us otherwise. Regardless, we're watching because Logue is the shit and FX has a great recent track record with shows like Sons of Anarchy (find out how to pick up biker chicks with our boy Theo Rossi), It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia (check out Charlie Day's Mantras page from the August/September issue), and The League (see what the stars had to say in our Fantasy Football Consensus). Still, we can't help thinking the show could've used a different title that didn't make us think "that little bitch is fierce!" Alas, as good as it may be, it nonetheless ends up on our list of the worst named detective shows...
TERRIERS (FX, 2010)
Actual premise: A shiftless ex-cop and drunk partners with his simple-minded friend to start an unlicensed private investigation agency.
Sounds like: Fierce little bitches training for the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show.
BLACKE'S MAGIC (NBC, 1986)
Actual premise: A magician and his con-man father solve obstructive mysteries so the show can go on.
Sounds like: More of the white man's "magical Negro" nonsense.
INCH HIGH, PRIVATE EYE (NBC, 1973-1974)
Premise: An incredibly small "dick" solves mysteries for The Finkerton Detective Agency with his niece and his much larger dog.
Sounds like: Dwarf porn. Word to stubby one-eyed monsters.
HART TO HART (ABC, 1979-1984)
Premise: A jet-setting millionaire businessman and his freelance journalist wife play detective with help from their butler/cook/chauffeur.
Sounds like: Emotions, which Prodigy already told us are for bitches.
MANIMAL (NBC, 1983)
Premise: A shape-shifting doctor helps the po-po solve crimes by taking the form of various animals.
Sounds like: Ron Jeremy's ongoing battle with back hair.
ME AND MOM (ABC, 1985)
Premise: A criminologist and sleuth investigates crimes with an ex-cop and her wealthy—and absolutely fabulous—mother.
Sounds like: The most
awkwardawesome threesome invite we've never gotten.
RANDALL AND HOPKIRK (DECEASED) (ITV, 1969-1970)
Premise: A British private detective investigates crimes with help from the ghost of his murdered partner.
Sounds like: A premonition of how long this show would be on the air. (Note: People love this short-lived series, which BBC One remade in 2000 and the SyFy network is currently developing a pilot for.)
RUMPOLE OF THE BAILEY (ITV, 1975-1992)
Premise: An eccentric old lawyer in London defends criminals and investigates their wrongdoings to keep them out of prison, often exposing them as d-bags in the process.
Sounds like: Rump hole, which would be awesome if the star of the show weren't a crusty old white dude.
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