We didn't know Rolling Stone was still around, so it took a little while for the news to finally sink in. And, uh, *drumroll*...American Idol's Adam Lambert is gay. *SHOCKED GASPS ALL AROUND*. Hadn't this already been established? Apparently not, since Lambert decided to let every American who doesn't have eyes or ears (he was previously photographed holding hands and making out with men) in on the big secret. You know, just in case we were actually as dumb as we act. (Don't let the act fool you, people, we're bodying your favorite magazine/blog.)

The thing is, Lambert isn't alone in his desire to state the obvious (or to overestimate our interest in what his preferred orifice is). Famous faces—from survivors of the pre-Internet dark ages to modern boy-band burnouts—have done their best to shake the world with their sexual admissions, when in reality it was about as controversial as Wilford Brimley having some Quaker Oats and taking an mid-afternoon nap. Click on to see the Top 5 "You're Gay? No shit!" Moments...


• Who: Ellen DeGeneres
• Officially Came Out: April 14, 1997 on the cover of Time
• We knew: March 1997 at a Gay and Lesbian Awards Ceremony honoring lesbian singer K.D. Lang
• How we knew: Standard congratulations normally involve a handshake and a hesitant air kiss, not a make-out session that screams, "Yay for carpet munching!"


• Who: Lance Bass
• Officially Came Out: July 26, 2006 in People Magazine
• We Knew: July 4, 2006 in Massachusetts
• How We Knew: Not only did he paint the gay clubs red with boyfriend Reichen Lehmkuhl, he also tried to disguise his presence with a hat, which is like the tabloid version of screaming, "Hey, it's me!" during a perp walk.


• Who: Clay Aiken
• Officially Came Out: September 24, 2008 in People
• We Knew: May 29, 2008
• How We Knew: Clay wanted a baby. Clay was grossed out by sex (!) with a woman (!!). What to do? Throw some CCs (of semen) in that bitch! [Ed.—This joke was written by a woman. Please direct any outrage at your own sad life.]


• Who: Sheryl Swoopes
• Officially Came Out: April 12, 2006 in ESPN Magazine
• We Knew: October 26, 2005
• How We Knew: We're pretty sure the primary requirement for becoming a spokesperson for Olivia, a lesbian cruise and resort company, isn't just enthusiasm for snorkeling. At least not in the literal sense.


• Who: George Michael
• Officially Came Out: April 11, 1998 on CNN
• We Knew: April 7, 1998 in L.A. (And that's only if you ignore the entire existence of WHAM!)
• How We Knew: In the romantic setting of a public L.A. bath room, Georgie just couldn't resist playing "I'll Show You Mine if You Show Me Yours" with officer Marcelo Rodriguez.