10 Things You Hear at Every Concert

Can you? Will your label allow you to do that? Will we like it?

Almost every time this happens at a concert there's a rush of excitement, followed quickly by disappointment. Sure, hearing a new song is cool, but more than half the fun is singing along and dancing to the music you know. When someone plays a new song you all of a sudden have a job to do. You’ve gone from drunk concert reveler to professional music reviewer in 0.5 seconds.

It only goes over well with some members of the crowd, and rarely does a song blow anyone away at the first listen. For example, when A$AP Ferg played Coachella, "Hella Hoes" and "Multiply" were performed for the first time and despite Rocky coming out they were easily the most dead songs of the set. Can you play some new shit? Yes, you can. But should you play some new shit?

Ummm, no your thirsty self cannot. Nothing in this world merits your presence on stage and nobody wants to see your wobbly twerk. On top of that there are three massive security guards between you and your ten seconds of fame—and even if you get there, the performer might go all Action Bronson on your ass.

These people are the worst—the type of people that need a little surprise like it’s Christmas so they can insta/tweet/and snap their groundbreaking experience to the world. These are the spoiled concert-goers, the ones who go home disappointed when Drake doesn't come out to perform Tuesday at the iLoveMakonnen show or Kanye doesn't join Travi$ Scott on stage.

They make their predictions loud and clear before the concert starts, just so when they're right, they can yell out, "I knew it! I called it! Told you so!" Worst. And if they're wrong, they'll be complaining for the rest of the night about how disappointed they are. If you’re not content with the performer on the lineup, go to a damn festival instead.

By the amount of downloads it has on DatPiff maybe 0.000003% of this venue has actually heard the tape, however to gloss over any awkwardness the crowd roars. Whenever a rapper or musician name drops whatever first project they did back when they were still hanging out at the mall and struggling in high school talent shows, for some reason everyone feels the need to pretend to have heard it.

The truth is quickly exposed as the next track starts and the crowd stands confused and bored, waiting patiently for the song to end.

We all know the trick to cutting in front of people. You push your way through, politely excusing yourself while elbowing girls in the boobs or spilling part of your drink on someone's new shoes, and when someone questions why the fuck you think you can barge in front of everyone, you explain that you lost your friend and you're trying to find them. No. You're annoying and your sense of entitlement is going to get you stabbed one day.

Really?! Because this is actually my second show on the tour and you said it both times...

Easily the simplest crowd pleaser in the game, artists fall back on this whenever there’s some type of lull between songs. Smiling as they play you heartstrings like a marionette, the lead singer will let you know that (insert your city/town/village) is his favorite place to play. Before you get too excited and overwhelmed at the prospect of (insert your city/town/village) being the coolest (insert your city/town/village), remember you live in (insert your city/town/village) and that they’ve probably said that every night on tour.

Why oh why do we still hear this?

Why do artists collectively continue to hold on to the nostalgia of the lighter. This isn’t Woodstock anymore, and Bob Dylan hasn’t played a good show in years. This is 2014 people, the era of mini-pocket computers. Sure it’s kind of lame to say, “Put your iPhones up!” but it’s better to be realistic than stuck in the early '90s. At this point in time the only people who actually put their lighters up are aging moms and dads, or pre-tweens trying to prove that they smoke.