1.
For music lovers, concerts can be some of the best, most memorable experiences life has to offer. That makes it even more bothersome when something or someone fucks up the night. We’ve decided to get some things off our chests and share with you the most annoying things we regularly see at concerts. Hit the comments section to share your own.
Hit “next” or click the picture to read on…
2.
Smartphone Cinematographers
Obviously.
Look, we understand if you want to take a few pictures to share with your stupid Instagram friends, but you’re really going to capture the entire night on video? If you’ve ever spent the entire night watching the concert on the iPhone screen of the asshole in front of you, you know how annoying this can be. So when you’re in a room full of people who are all taking an iPhone video of the same show, put your phone in your pocket and just watch—the videos will all be up on YouTube if you are so desperate to relive the event later.
3.
Awkward Lack of Crowd Participation
It’s not awkward unless you make it awkward.
Getting the audience involved in the show is always fun, but it doesn’t always happen, and it doesn’t always have to happen. Some of the best shows are ones where the artist enters into his/her own world and seems oblivious of the audience.
There is nothing more awkward than when an opening act comes out and demands that the mostly uninterested crowd puts their hands in the air. People in front shift and avoid eye contact, a few fidget with their phones or drinks as if to say, “Sorry, my hands are busy,” and one overly enthusiastic guy in the back lets out a big “woo.” If your show is good, people will be into it, and you don’t always need to make them put their hands in the air to prove it.
4.
Tall People
It sounds bad, but it’s true. If you’re super tall and you’re at a concert, you are annoying. Because the fact is you’re standing in front of someone and tarnishing their concert experience, and if you aren’t standing in front of anyone, everyone is probably on edge like, “Who is that super tall person standing against the back wall. What are they plotting? Are they violent? If they are, I’m concerned, because they are super tall and have a long reach.”
Even worse: tall people with big hair. If you are really tall, is that big hair necessary? Cut your hair, you gargantuan slob.
5.
Make Out Sessions
Hey, making out can be a beautiful thing. We support it. But a concert full of people isn’t the best place for it because it can go two ways:
1. You’re an ugly couple, and sorry, but we are a shallow human race and we do not like to look at ugly people making out.
2. You’re an attractive couple, and sorry, but there are young men in the audience and when young men see attractive stuff they get boners and when you’re standing up in a room full of people, boners are so unnecessary.
Here’s a better idea: listen to the album at home and fuck.
6.
People Who Can’t Handle Their High
When you go to a concert, you have to expect that there will be people on drugs, but some people just can’t handle it.
If you’re going to go out into a crowded public place and take a bunch of drugs, maybe you should practice first. Maybe before you hop on the molly bandwagon, scream about your melting face, and pass out in a pool of sweat at a Borgore show, you should go to your friend Todd’s house, take some molly with him in his basement, and get used to the feeling. Well, maybe not Todd, and definitely not in his basement, but you get the idea.
7.
Backpacks
When everybody’s in a tight space, the most annoying thing in the world is people who make the space they occupy larger. This includes the tall people with big hair and also the notorious assholes who bring backpacks to every concert. We know that sometimes you have really important stuff—documents, tools, whatever—that you need to carry around, but there are other less obnoxious options, like fanny packs, pockets, or the balloon tactics of drug-smuggling mules and inmates.
8.
Late Performers
Never in the history of concerts has a performer started on time.
Oh, you had to sit back stage and smoke weed for an extra 45 minutes? Well, we paid to see you perform, squeezed through a crowd of tall people with big hair, sloppy drugged up tweens, and assholes with backpacks just to stand here and wait. By the time you come out on stage we are angry, our spirits have shriveled up and sunken into the pits of our stomachs, and we have pissed ourselves because there is no possible way to go to the bathroom and make it back to our prime spot among all these asses, slobs, and creeps.
9.
Creepy Old Men and Drunken Moms
Where there are young, sloppy, drugged up tweens, there are creepy old men. You can easily spot them because they’re usually looking around the audience with their beady, predatory eyes, half-pretending to be listening to the music. Also, they smell like moth balls and probably have moustaches.
A counterpart to the creepy old man is the drunken mom. She is more abrasive but less harmful. You’ll find her right in the middle of the action, rubbing her drunken mom body on unsuspecting victims and spilling her $12 vodka tonic all over her mom jeans. People will probably laugh at her, but hey, she’s having more fun than you are.
10.
People Who Insist On Singing Along to Every Song
If you want to sing along to your favorite song, go for it. But when you sing along to the whole concert, you’re most likely ruining the concert for the person next to you, especially if your voice sucks, which it probably does. A good thing to do if you pay money to go to a concert: listen to the music. Give it a shot, and if it doesn’t work out for you, there are other places that will satisfy your need to be an active participant. Try a karaoke bar.
