The Most Exclusive Drake Exclusives on Media Take Out

Drake appears frequently on the indefatigable gossip site Media Take Out, showing up in unsavory all-caps accounts of nightclub fights, late-night bouts of sexting and booty eating, and drama at the urologist's office. The best of these stories are exclusive to MTO. Is it because they're likely untrue rumors? Or is it because MTO is the only site brave enough to publish these deeply freaky tales? Decide for yourself.

Ross Scarano is a deputy editor at Complex. He tweets about Drake here.

Date: 10/6/2014

The gist: Drake's being put in a tight spot by down-to-earth stripper Jhonni Blaze with sperm she trapped in her mouth and then saved for later, to impregnate herself. Oh, and now Drake's trying to have her killed. Possibly.

Best line: "Jhonni told MediaTakeOut.com, 'I asked him why he messed with me with no condom, what if I get pregnant. He said 'I'm not worried about that, I just want to give you the best of me.'"

Coincidence that this story broke right after Gone Girl, which features a similar plot, opened? Like many MTO readers, I don't believe in coincidences. I need the receipts.

Read the full story here.

Date: 9/9/2014

The gist: Drake achieves peak songwriting moisture on love songs via a ghost writer.

Best line: "Have you ever wondered why Drake sounds so FEMININE in some of his songs?"

Gender as a construct, though.

Read the full story here.

Date: 10/4/2014

The gist: Drake's torrid affair with the ex of an NBA player has moved to his condo.

Best line: "Drake is no longer a single man . . . he's dating Lira Galore, who used to be a popular stripper from Houston's V Live...was SAVED FROM THE POLE by Houston Rockets player Pat Beverley, who moved her into his mansion."

But who will save Drake from himself? Toronto can be a chilly city...

Read the full story here.

Date: 7/14/2014

The gist: Drake believes in reciprocity.

Best line: "It was weird eating a man's butt like that, but I'm a freak, and it was Drake LOL."

You know this story. It set the Internet ablaze over its frank description of pleasure and ass eating. It may have single-handedly changed America's perception of acceptable sex acts, resulting in a "booty-eating renaissance."

It was also shortlisted for the Pulitzer Prize in Journalism.*

Read the full story here.

*Nope.

Date: 6/13/2014

The gist: Succumbing to the charms of another video vixen, Drake fathered a child.

Best line: "Details are JUST COMING IN, but a Detroit video model has reached out to Drizzy (through her STREET CONNECTIONS) and told him that her 2 year old boy IS DRAKE'S."

Imagine the writer at MTO clutching the slow fax coming in like ticker tape, the writer's eyes widening as each sordid detail emerges with the shocking clarity of a knife to the ribs.

Aubrey?

Imagine.

Read the full story here.

Date: 4/24/2014

The gist: Drake's infidelities catch up with him, separating him from Rihanna yet again.

Best line: "Well Rihanna READS MTO like it was her DAILY PAPER (yeah, she RATCHET LIKE THAT lol) . . . and so she is well aware of Drake and his SHENANIGANS."

Of course, Drake must read MTO like a daily paper too, if only to feel closer to Rihanna. It's like how you finally read that book your ex always wanted you to read after you two split up, and as you fall into the story you realize your depth of feeling for your ex. You feel suddenly less alone, connecting with your past love through the pages of the book—and that's when you realize just how alone you truly are.

Read the full story here.

Date: 9/27/2013

The gist: Drake loves Kris Jenner.

Best line: "Oh, and Kris if you're getting BEAT by Drizzy . . . YOU GO GIRRRRRRLLLLLL!!!"

Unfortunately, this is the only story on MTO bearing the tag "older-women." SMH.

Read the full story here.

Date: 9/13/2013

The gist: Nicki Minaj is Drake's great unrequited love—unrequited except for one instance of oral.

Best line: "But ONE NIGHT after a few drinks Nicki reportedly allowed Drizzy into them drawers."

Nicki Minaj is awesome.

Read the full story here.

Date: 2/6/2013

The gist: Drake had a great weekend in Los Angeles with friends who dance, and not like "ballet and shit."

Best line: "We're told by an exotic dancer at the event that Drake seemed OUT OF IT. He was walking around the party smoking a hookah and chilling, mostly with rapper Big Sean."

Drake values male friendship.

Read the full story here.

Date: 7/24/2012

The gist: Drake visited the urologist for a possible bladder infection.

Best line: "How can such a young dude have a F*CKED UP prostate?"

Really, though—how can such a young dude have a fucked up prostate?

Read the full story here.