25 People We Wish Were Rappers

Potential rap name(s): Slick Disick, Lord Disick
Potential album name: Is This Too Blunt?
Suggested producer: Kanye West

It's hard to believe Scott Disick isn't already a rapper. He dresses great, has a Kardashian on his arm, and is nearly as full of himself as his new BFF Kanye. Why didn't he get a verse on Yeezus?

Potential rap name(s): The Voice, Comeback Kid, 2 Bitez
Potential album name: Yes!
Suggested producer: The Bomb Squad

There's nobody we'd rather hear calling a game than Marv Albert. His voice is untouchable. It's so great, in fact, that it influenced Chuck D's own bold, resonant tone. Naturally, the two should work together.

Potential rap name(s): Tecmo Bo
Potential album name: Bo Knows Rap
Suggested producer: Q-Tip

The man is great at everything he tries: Football, basketball, track, archery. Why not rap? Bo's had more than 20 years to prepare his response to Phife Dawg.

Potential rap name(s): Tarvold
Potential album name: Victory
Suggested producer: Ant

Beneath the somewhat-defined muscles and graphic shirts, Johnny Drama is a sensitive dude. And thanks to shifts in culture that's now acceptable in hip-hop. The Viking Quest actor should get a producer who might know a thing or two about the Germanic people. We're thinking Minnesota-based Ant.

Potential rap name(s): The Broker
Potential album name: King of New York
Suggested producer: Just Blaze

One of the most common topics of conversation among New Yorkers is apartments. With that in mind, it's only right for a real estate broker to be crowned King of New York. The throne is for the taking, Fredrik. And who better to mold a Gotham MC than Just Blaze?

Potential rap name(s): Top Chef
Potential album name: Executive Chef
Suggested producer: The Alchemist

Forget the King of New York. Anthony Bourdain's entrance into hip-hop would start a battle with Action Bronson for the king of cuisine. Whoever lays the best food references on Alchemist's beats wins.

Potential rap name(s): Cap'n Cook
Potential album name: Bitch!
Suggested producer: Lil Jon

Hip-hop is full of coke dealers but what about meth? Jesse needs to swing in and tell us about the blue. He has plenty of life experience to draw from and more street cred than anyone in the game. Judging off the short bursts we hear of Pinkman bumping hip-hop, Lil Jon seems like a nice fit.

Potential rap name(s): Carlos Danger
Potential album name: Sext Education
Suggested producer: Mr. Collipark

Anthony Weiner doesn't even need his own beats. "The Whisper Song" is just sitting there waiting for Carlos Danger to hop on. "Wait 'til you see my briefs, ay girl!"

Potential rap name(s): The Franchise, Big Ticket
Potential album name: Anything Is Possible!
Suggested producer: Swizz Beatz

We've always been convinced that, without basketball as an outlet, Kevin Garnett would go crazy. He's one of the most intense players in the league so he'll need a new way to express himself after he retires. If Swizz Beatz can handle DMX, he should be able to handle KG.

Potential rap name(s): Mayor
Potential album name: Cracked Reputation
Suggested producer: DJ Premier

"10 Crack Commandments Part 2," anyone? The Toronto mayor could teach us a few things about the freebase form of cocaine. DJ Premier needs to cook up a new beat.

Potential rap name(s): Lil Kevin, Chocolate Drop
Potential album name: The King of Comedy
Suggested producer: Lil B

Kevin Hart can probably drop better lines than he did in his battle with T-Pain. But what's the fun in that? Chocolate Drop's bars are so bad they're great. Doesn't that sound a bit like the Based God?

Potential rap name(s): Anchorman
Potential album name: Pleasure Town, Glass Case of Emotion
Suggested producer: The Bomb Squad

Chuck D famously said that rap is the CNN of the black community. This would be the best news delivery team of all time.

Potential rap name(s): Barry O, Baracka Flacka Flame
Potential album name: Barackavelli
Suggested producer: Lex Luger

The parody song "Head of the State" imagined our 44th president as an ignorant trapper and we loved it. Barry O's going to have to find a new way to pay the bills post-presidency.

Potential rap name(s): Butta
Potential album name: Accidental Racist
Suggested producer: Brad Paisley

Rapping is the only way for her use of the n-word to be a little less disgusting. But not really...

Potential rap name(s): Super Mario
Potential album name: Why Always Me?
Suggested producer: Devon Gallaspy (Producer of "All Gold Everything")

Who cares if he can actually spit? Gimmick rappers are at their highest demand right now. If Trinidad James, Kreayshawn, and Riff Raff can stay semi-relevant then Mario shouldn't have trouble. The Italian's hijinks are on point.

Potential rap name(s): The Black Scorpion
Potential album name: The Nature Boy
Suggested producer: Diddy

You could already consider Ric Flair a rap legend considering how often his name is dropped and his voice is sampled. He needs to stop letting others capitalize off his name and do it himself. With Diddy by his side nobody could one-up their shit talking.

Potential rap name(s): Smother Brother, King Tut
Potential album name: Rapping Is Not Pretty!
Suggested producer: Biz Markie

Steve Martin can infect anything with his humor, including music. You could even make the argument that his infamous "King Tut" is hip-hop. His delivery is more like rapping than it is singing. We need to match him up with a producer that also so has a sense of humor. Biz Markie would be perfect.

Potential rap name(s): Trill Nye
Potential album name: Enter the Laboratory
Suggested producer: The RZA

GZA recently did a podcast with Neil deGrasse Tyson, director of the Hayden Planetarium. To keep the science/Wu-Tang relationship going, The RZA should team up with Bill Nye. Besides, the theme song from his show is probably better than your favorite rap song.

Potential rap name(s): Iron Mike, Kid Dynamite
Potential album name: Pigeons and Pains
Suggested producer: SouthPaw

Alright, his voice certainly isn't tough. But just imagine the threats he'd make. Iron Mike actually said, "I want to rip out his heart and feed it to him. I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children." With lyrics that dark, Immortal Technique's producer SouthPaw should hold Mike down.

Potential rap name(s): Marsellus Wallace
Potential album name: The Briefcase
Suggested producer: Clark Kent

If anyone could act tough in a rap song, it's Ving Rhames. Hell, intimidation is already his job. And since he dresses like Reasonable Doubt era Jay Z, Clark Kent is a natural partner for the studio.

Potential rap name(s): Plastic Queen
Potential album name: As Nasty As She Wants to Be
Suggested producer: Mr. Mixx

Joan Rivers has lines that would make 2 Live Crew blush and one-liners that could make 2 Chainz jealous. We would love to hear her drop nasty rhymes over some booty shaking beats so the 2 Live Crew's Mr. Mixx makes sense.

Potential rap name(s): Don "Magic" Juan
Potential album name: Spiritual Advisor
Suggested producer: Dr. Dre

It would only take one guest verse on a Snoop track for this to become real (Snoop claimed that they were working on an album at one point, but its never seen the light of day). The man already has a rapper name and dresses like a pimp. Dr. Dre should hook him up with some of his classic productions.

Potential rap name(s): Clyde
Potential album name: Hall of Fame
Suggested producer: 88 Keys

Both on and off the court Walt is smooth man. He blew by defenders during his playing days and now delivers his color commentary with a strong voice, extensive vocabulary, and slick suits. Clyde would sound great over 88 Keys' often jazzy samples.

Potential rap name(s): L.D.
Potential album name: Airing of Grievances
Suggested producer: Young Chop

All we need is a Larry David verse on "I Don't Like" to make us happy. The man has made an entire career off of pointing out the stupidities of everyday life so he might as well do it over slapping ass intrumentals.