Chain the Color of Akon: 10 Funny Rap Lines About Blackness

Rappers aren't afraid to let the similes fly when talking about how black they or their goods are.

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Complex Original

Image via Complex Original

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Listen to enough rap and you'll being to notice certain inclinations. For example, when a rapper wants to talk about the purity of the cocaine he sells, it's not uncommon for him to compare it to a white celebrity whose image is (or was) so pristine you couldn't imagine them dabbling with nose candy. Popular ones included Britney Spears, Miley Cyrus, Christina Aguilera, and Justin Bieber. You get the idea. But this trope works both ways. When it comes time to compare the blackness of their hearts, or how dope their black diamonds are, or how much darker their American Express card is than your regular green one, rappers aren't afraid to let the similes fly, often to very funny effects. 

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"His job try to claim that he too niggerish now/ Is it cause his skin blacker than licorice now?"

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Song: Kanye West, "Heard 'Em Say"

What if Ye was talking about strawberry licorice, tho? 

"Dressed in all black, blacker than a black and mild"

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Song: The Game, "Lehhhgooo"

Someone should tell Jayceon that Black & Milds, despite their name, are actually brown. 

"Acting blacker than a Bernie Mac, two Charlie Murphys, and Akon"

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Song: Childish Gambino, "The Worst Guys"

We get it: Childish Gambino has spent considerable time lamenting the fact that people don't think he's quite "black" enough, so it's understandable that he wants you to think he's blacker than this

"I’ll never be picture-perfect Beyonce, light as Al B, or black as Chauncey/ Remember him from Blackstreet? He was as black as the street was"

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Song: Kanye West, "Everything I Am"

Ironically, Chauncey doesn't look any darker than Kanye West in the images above. 

"And the Am Ex card blacker than my n*gga ‘Kon"

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Song: Fat Joe, "If It Ain't About Money"

This is just not true, Joe. 

"My heart is blacker than the children of Thomas Jefferson"

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Song: Diabolic, "Frontlines"

Being that T.J.'s kids probably had very light complexions, having a heart blacker than them wouldn't be too tall a task. 

"I’m Blacker than midnight on Broadway and Myrtle"

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Artist/Song: Mos Def, "Mathematics"

True, it's dark when the clock strikes midnight, but never in NYC where there are street lights and 24-hour bodega lights. Try experiencing midnight in the wilderness of Maine then holler at us.  

"Got stockpile guns, barrettes blacker than ‘College Hill’"

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Song: Vince Staples, "Crime Pays"

This line is only funny because College Hill was the blackest thing Vince Staples could think of. 

"I’m a black man, black as midnight, blacker than Flava Flav and Fela in a fist fight"

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Song: Murs, "Black-N-White"

This, admittedly, is pretty damn black. Hats off, Murs. 

"Grade A, A1/Chain the color of Akon"

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Song: 2 Chainz, "Mercy" 

If there's one thing we've learned about modern rap it's that nearly every rapper things Akon is the blackest thing in the world.  

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