If the news hasn't sent you to the hospital at least once this year, then you're probably not paying close enough attention. Of course, by "news" I mean poorly constructed articles about the supposed dating lives of people infinitely more successful and important than you. These articles are traditionally rife with words like alleged and reportedly, and are almost always accompanied by an all-caps headline that even a pun-loving fifth grader would be embarrassed to have permanently attached to their writing career.

Speaking of hospitals, Selena Gomez's mother Mandy Teefey—one of those aforementioned people who are more successful and important than you—was reportedly taken to one after being informed of the seriousness with which her daughter and Justin Bieber are treating their apparent reunion.

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Predictably, this fresh #news cake comes from the bakers at TMZ. According to their painful-to-read report, Teefey got "so worked up" when she was filled in on recent Bieber x Gomez developments. TMZ's sources said Teefey was voluntarily transported to a hospital  after a family member requested authorities perform a welfare check on her at a hotel in the Los Angeles area. That same day, these sources claimed Teefey had a "heated" discussion with Gomez during which the singer revealed she and Bieber were undergoing couples therapy. Teefey was released later that day.

I have to get this article to 250 words for Google-related reasons, so I'm going to use this final bit to remind you that the lawsuit regarding Bieber's insta-classic "Sorry" has been dismissed. That's good news, and so is the fact that this article will boast 275 words by the time I type out the final period.