By some accounts, Selena Gomez and The Weeknd are in a real relationship that has absolutely nothing to do with the fact the two are allegedly cooking up new music together. Justin Bieber, however, reportedly has a different theory. Dude is convinced Gomez is "using" The Weeknd for promotion, TMZ reports.

Bieber reportedly feels the alleged sham is "all cookie-cutter stuff," which is an amazingly subdued insult that I'm definitely going to start using as often as possible. According to one of these TMZ sources, Bieber has made a habit of "rolling his eyes" at the recent hype surrounding his ex's relationship with the Starboy mastermind.

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This alleged coupling was first whispered about when photos popped up last week of the two putting their mouths on each other. "It was a romantic dinner date in the rain," a self-proclaimed "onlooker" told People of Gomez and The Weeknd's Giorgio Baldi excursion. "They acted like a couple. They ordered pasta and shared the food. She seemed very into him. She was smiling a lot. They left holding hands."

Hours after those post-pasta photos rocked insistent Twitter scrollers to their core, celebrated photographer Mert Alas posted the following mirror shot of Gomez while strategically tagging The Weeknd in the comments:

And just as news of his Gomez and Weeknd theory swept the planet Tuesday, Bieber ignored it all and instead revealed his "I love you face" on Twitter and not Instagram because Instagram is where Mr. Lucifer lives or whatever: