In what must be the most absurd lawsuit of the year—if not ever—a Michigan man is suing Justin Bieber with some of the weirdest/most hilarious claims ever. In the document, he alleges that Bieber got the man's daughter, who he claims is Selena Gomez, pregnant in his bedroom on his Canadian bear rug. The man said he had to pay $426.78 to get his daughter an abortion, and he wants Bieber to pay for it.

Also, he writes that Usher went to his house on the "forth of july 2012"—his errors, not ours—and sodomized him with a firework while "blaring kate perry firework song in my ear drums." This can't be life.

[via TMZ]

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