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The last-minute rush to decide who or what, exactly, you're going to pretend to be for Halloween this year is officially underway. Procrastination has a certain way of making objectively awful decisions seem like fucking brilliant ones, but there is no excuse—not a single one—for slumming your way through the most important holiday of the year by dressing up as a goddamn augmented reality hot dog.
Still, Snapchat is now hawking a costume based on its dancing hot dog abomination for $79.99 on Amazon. Megan Rose Dickey at TechCrunch spotted the listing Wednesday, and penned a brief article on it that was presumably born of the same unique brand of frustration that's inspiring me to write the one you're reading right now.
The 2-piece "hot dog tunic" is sold by Spectacles by Snap Inc. and includes attached sleeves, hands, pants, hot dog-like shoe covers, and—for no added cost—the total annihilation of your tolerability level in social situations. The Amazon product description claims this embarrassment of a costume is "made of 100% beef, but never starts it," which sounds like two complete fucking lies to me.
The original hot dog in question first started annoying me and millions of others over the summer, at which point the anthropomorphic pile of meat trimmings and preservatives became a meme and eventually leapfrogged your aunt's favorite thing to post about on Facebook: Bitmoji. Thankfully, the hot dog filter was removed from Snapchat in September.
An early Amazon reviewer of the egregious costume claims to have already eschewed traditional clothing in favor of resembling a confusingly happy hot dog. I'm going to accept that claim at face value.