One man's routine bathroom trip didn't exactly go as planned and ultimately landed him in the hospital with the delightful brag of having survived a brutal python attack on his penis. Atthaporn Boonmakchuay reportedly noticed the 11-foot python attached to the tip of his member after feeling "a sharp bite" while on the toilet, the Daily Mail reports. Consider this a fair GRAPHIC CONTENT warning before you proceed.

Atthaporn, 38, somehow managed to restrain the python with rope before collapsing due to blood loss and being rushed to a nearby hospital in Bangkok, Thailand. He is now recovering and is reportedly in "stable condition," or at least as stable as one could possibly be after enduring a python chomp in the most sensitive of areas.

The python is also believed to be in good spirits, despite the troubling circumstances. Local officials report the snake likely made its way through regional pipes before popping up in the man's toilet, at which point emergency crews were forced to use hammers to free the snake. The snake, whose name has not been released, has since been returned to its natural, non-toilet habitat.

Hey snakes. With all due respect, please stick to planes and leave the toilets to us. No offense.