13 ways being uncool in high school changes you for the better

You're now better equipped to be a dope-ass adult.

November 10, 2015

Image via Complex Original

After surviving my twenties, I realized that the best training I ever got for becoming a well-adjusted, confident adult was being totally uncool in high school.

I was not popular. I probably went to one party, and was only invited because my best friend organized it (there was a keg, so obviously everyone showed up). Other than that, I was home every weekend chillin' with my mom.

But being uncool changed me in all the best ways. Sure, it wasn’t the greatest back then, but it made me such a better adult than if I had been popular. If you were uncool in high school, here are 13 ways it changes you (and 13 reasons why you should be proud of your lack of cool):

1. You become more empathetic and compassionate.

Four hormonal, vulnerable years of feeling lame and uncool means you understand what it feels like to be left out. If you’re not learning from your past pain, and extending more compassion toward others, then what are you even doing?

2. You care less about other people’s approval.

Sure, the popular kids are popular, but their popularity depends on the approval of others. Being unpopular means you never had approval to begin with, so it’s not something you seek in adulthood. This is an advantage: Craving external validation from the world keeps you small and afraid.

3. It forces you to accept yourself.

Nobody accepted you in high school—you had to demand that from yourself as a survival mechanism. While this was decidedly not fun as a teen, having ample self-acceptance as an adult puts you ahead of the curve to succeed, be happy, and live a killer life.

4. You tend to form stronger friendships in adulthood.

There is no stronger bond than between two people who experienced a hellish high-school experience together as uncool teens. These friendships will last forever—if only because neither of you ever want to be alone again.

5. You become more resilient.

Life as an adult gets very real after high school. Adulthood does not fuck around.

The more you can rely on yourself to endure hardship and rise above it, the more you’ll embrace life and all of its possibilities. If you know you’ll get back up no matter how many times you’ve been knocked down, there’s not much to be afraid of.

6. You get better at thinking outside the box

Nobody was handing out gold stars for your thoughts in high school. That means instead of trying to get other people’s attention, you turned inward and started thinking outside the norm. Before, you were the weird kid making weird stuff; now, you're the cool adult making cool stuff.

7. It forces you to define happiness for yourself.

You sure as hell weren’t happy in high school, so this forced you to self-reflect, and figure out what actually makes you happy. While the cool kids were out getting drunk and partying, you had all the time in the world to think about how you’d make life better as an adult.

8. You get better at being alone.

Whereas many people try to distract themselves from their loneliness, you’re killing it doing whatever you want because you’re so good at being alone. It may have been terrible to be a loner in high school, but feeling comfortable with your own company as an adult is a valuable skill that never stops being important.

9. It helps you figure out what's interesting about yourself.

Nobody paid attention to you in high school, so you could've believed that there was nothing interesting about you. But with all of that free time, you were able to carve out a niche, and develop unique traits—something that plays to your advantage both personally and professionally as an adult.

10. It gives you space to experiment.

It’s easy to experiment when nobody's watching because you get to take risks without fear of public ridicule.

Since there was nowhere to go but up after high school, you were able to start at ground zero. Your identity wasn't threatened upon entering adulthood simply because you had nothing to lose, and no social status to maintain. Adulthood was a blank slate.

11. You become a keen observer.

While the cool kids in high school were busy being social, you spent your time observing everyone, figuring out the world and your place in it. Sure, it was a crappy time, but as an adult, these observational techniques help you form strong connections. Those who understand others tend to be well-liked, and since you spent four years people-watching, you’re in good shape.

12. You sow your wild oats later in life (and more responsibly).

Being uncool means you had no opportunities to throw away your life as a stupid teen (you were probably at home every weekend toiling away on creative projects). This means you get to enter adulthood with wild oats to sow and a more evolved mind. In other words: You don’t have to spend the rest of your twenties living down stupid mistakes made in your youth.