Image via Complex Original
Do you consider yourself a pretty stylish guy? And you like shopping once in a while? Congratulations, you're a normal dude who cares just enough. But what if your spend your whole paycheck on that Thom Browne suit you'll only wear once? What if you dumped your girlfriend because you needed to use her side of the bed for coats? And what if you're constantly at consignment shops looking to come up on five bucks? Well, you have a problem. Here are 10 Signs You Like Clothes Too Much. Get some help.
RELATED: 10 Signs You're A Clothes Hoarder
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Your Main Source of Income is Buffalo Exchange
You want to be "first" when it comes to trends, so you've accumulated a lot of shit over the years. You constantly drop off defunct streetwear brands and obscure designers at Buffalo Exchange, then blow up at resellers when they can only offer you $8.75. Should've passed on that drop crotch, homie!
You Think "Current Events" Are Supreme Drops
Thursdays on your calendar have a big fat star because you need to get up extra early. And it's not to convince your boss for that promotion, but to stand in line on Lafayette for a graphic tee. Hope your dad is proud of you.
You Refer to the Local Tailor by First Name
Luis from Z&Z Cleaners only sees dollar signs and loves that your pants get more and more flooded every year. He knows your name, too, but only because you're the one who says "gracias" wrong.
You Eat Salads for Lunch—Not for Health, but to Stay Sample Size
Real men eat steak and potatoes and enjoy a beer. You stay away from carbs to enjoy a trendy piece for half the price, just because it's sample size. Way to seize the day! You still look like shit.
You Take Vacations to Tradeshows Even Though You Don't Work in the Industry
You could have gone to Spain or Morocco to take in some real culture, but you bought a trip to Vegas instead. You don't even work in fashion, you just have a decent Tumblr following. Do you even use words on that thing or do you just reblog other people's photos? Did you know that unless you're a buyer for a legit shop, the brands don't even want to talk to you? Hope your crappy iPhone pics of samples are worth it, loser.
Take a Look at Your Credit Card Bill...
You're over ten grand in debt and it's not from student loans? And you don't do drugs? And that bespoke suit you bought on credit doesn't even fit anymore? I have nothing else to say to you.
You Spend Over 10 Minutes Perfecting Your Tight Roll
Girls think your calusses are from weightlifting, or maybe even guitar playing, but no. Your fingers are rough from constantly cuffing your 15 oz selvedge denim. Every morning, you fold it in, roll it up, scrunch it just right, and look in the mirror. It's still off. You try and try again, until there's blood dripping on your Aldens. "It's worth it," you say to yourself. "Scott and Tommy will notice." Well, they don't notice, and they still won't take a picture of you.
You Freak Out Over the Way Shoes Are Laced
You're trying on the last pair of Black Royal 1s in a 9, even though you're a 10.5. "Nooooo! It's the right over the fucking left!" you yell out as Reggie weaves the black strings through the holes. But Reggie in his referee shirt doesn't hear the screams of your shoelace OCD. He just wants to write his employee number on the box and go have a smoke in the back room. Learn something from Reggie and RELAX. You can relace them when you get home.
Your Bathroom Reading is Nothing But Catalogues
Nary a New Yorker or The Economist in your bathroom. Instead, you have piles of L.L.Bean, J.Crew, and Filson catalogues by your shameful pubic hair on the floor. Dude, the least you could have is a glossy Victoria's Secret for real toilet "reading."
You Take Up More Closet Space Than Any Woman in Your Life
So your shopaholic ass miraculously landed a girlfriend, even after all those years of buying shit for yourself instead of buying her a decent birthday gift. And what do you know, you moved in with her, too. But now what? You tell her you need the bigger closet, plus the extra rolling rack, just like you told your mom before she kicked you out. You tell wifey you deserve it because, well, she still uses wire hangers.
