These Socks Cost $800 And Are Surprisingly Not Worth It

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Few things in life are taken for granted as much as the lowly pair of socks you put on every single morning. If you're anything like me, you have a bunch of pairs by C9 from Target and a few of the Uniqlo variety. They work, last for a while and don't cause any problems—perfectly good socks. But, naturally, good is never good enough, which is why Falke made these $800 socks crafted from vicuña wool. They come in their own commemorative wooden case and use the preferred material of Incan royalty. Cashmere is nice, but vicuña is the next level of luxury. It's the finest wool available, measuring a scant 12 microns in thickness. For those of you keeping score at home, that's roughly around 1% of a millimeter. The craziest part is THEY'RE NOT EVEN THE WORLD'S MOST EXPENSIVE PAIR OF SOCKS. Check out Harry's of London if you're really trying to flex. $1,400 motherfucker.

Anyway, Guardian writer Dean Kissick tried on these coveted vicuña wool creations AND WAS NOT IMPRESSED. He sons these socks the moment he comes in contact with them: "They are naturally coffee-coloured and they're soft, very soft; but actually, not as soft as I was expecting...The harsh sock critic within thinks these could be softer, and possibly more golden in colour too, at that price..."

He knows. These cost $800. They should be softer than soft. Like, you should need to invent a new word to describe softness after wearing these things. So, I guess the pricepoint comes more from the rareness of vicuña wool than the actual comfort of the socks. Unfortunately, for those of you out there looking for the perfect Christmas gift for pops, they're currently sold out at Selfridges. BUMMER, but also a little bit reassuring. There are, in fact, people in this world dumber than you.

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