Image via Complex Original
McMansions are one of America's most notorious products. They have made it possible for people to live in large, cookie-cutter homes, which can be "customized" from a list of builder options. They have developed a reputation, however, as opportunities for perfect architectural disasters.
We have selected 10 of the most disproportionate, inharmonious, ostentatious, and just plain ugly McMansions to entertain you with (and show you what not to do if you are thinking of building a home). As an added bonus, we've also pointed out which famous architect would roll over in his grave if he saw it.
The 10 Ugliest McMansions In New Jersey.
Montville, NJ
An Architectural Fantasy
Town: Montville, NJ
Size: 13,500 sq ft
Value: $3,800,000
Architect who would despise this: Mansart
The individual parts of the house: the archways, the mouldings, and the windows, all seem like they are meant to be spread out on a house that is larger than this already oversized home. Again Mansart, creator of iconic French architectural elements, would cringe at the integration of his style into this house. The hints of scrollwork in the windows and on the chimney give the design of this house almost a fantastical feel, but I doubt there will be a happy ending to this architectural fairytale.
Towaco, NJ
Teresa Giudice’s House
Town: Towaco, NJ
Size: 12,000 sq ft
Architect who would despise this: Venturi
Value: $4,000,000
The beauty of this house lies in comparing the front elevation with the aerial shot of the house. It makes me think of what Venturi calls a "decorated shed", when huge, mass produced megamarts slap a sign on their huge warehouse box of a store. I don’t see much difference between how Walmart decorates its square stores with its logo and this box decorated with “sophistocated”, “French” finishings.
Colts Neck, NJ
In Need of Salt
Town: Moorestown, NJ
Size: 12,000 sq ft
Value: $5,295,000
Architect who would despise this: Charles Moore
This house is like an unsalted potato chip, horribly bland. The window surrounds are nonexistent and the dormers seem clad in vinyl siding. There is no dimension to the house. Nothing about it says unique or custom made. Charles Moore produced many buildings with simplistic, paired down elements, but those were carefully selected, and oftentimes were fraught with architectural irony. The only thing that's ironic here is a multimillion dollar house that's stylistically worthless.
Fort Lee, NJ
French Opulence
Town: Fort Lee, NJ
Size: 5 br, 6 bath
Value: $2,500,000
Architect who would despise this: Mansart
Besides the bland, beige brick, disproportionate windows, and disjoined French, steep roof made popular by the architect Mansart (they are actually called Mansart roofs) with a circular window in the front to show that it is “authentic”, my favorite part of this house is the pair of Corinthian columns holding up the porch.
Saddle River, NJ
Eavesdropping
Town: Saddle River, NJ
8500 sq ft
Value: $4.5 million
Architect who would despise this: Lutyens
Lutyens, the master of cheeky British architecture and overgrown eaves to create humor, would find the roof line of this home disproportionate and clunky. Not to mention the proportion of the second story Norman windows to the rest of the house and the relatively tiny columns holding up that massive overhang of a porch.
Alpine, NJ
A Confused Chateaux
Town: Alpine, NJ
Size: 14,000 Sq Ft
Price: $14,750,000
Architect who would despise this: European Castle Builders
If you can decide which country this house draws inspiration from, please tell me. It’s like a French chateaux, whose father is a romanesque cathedral and whose mother is a quarter German.
Barons Court
“Barons Court”
Town: Montville NJ
Size: 5 bedrooms
Architect who would despise this: Robert Smythson
Coining, Rustication, Tudor beams? Lantern windows that recall Robert Smythson's famous Hardwick Hall? Some central European roof influence? Why not. They must all work together if they are all from Europe! I'm sure Robert Smythson appreciates being worked into that mix, too.
Largest Home
“Villa Collina”
Town: Moorestown, NJ
Size: 45,854 sq ft
Architect who would despise this: Le Nôtre and Le Brun, landscape architects of Versailles
The gardens of this house are insane. Very axiometric designs that are centered around roundels like in Versailles, but the only thing is that, at Versailles, the gardens are connected to each other, and they make sense as a whole. These seem placed simply in relation to which rooms overlook them.
Cedar Grove, NJ
Cedar Grove Megamansion
Town: Cedar Grove, NJ
Size: 25,000 sq ft.
Value: $18,000,000
Architect who would despise this: Palladio
Corinthian columns are just a bad idea in modern residential architecture. Everything about this house screams at you, hitting you over the head with how big and fancy it is meant to be. Look at the window trimming, which projects enough to almost be classified as a sculptural relief. This completely goes against the architectural theory of Palladio, the master of Italian symmetry and quiet architectural harmony.
The Marble House
The Marble House
Town: Avalon, NJ
Size: 5 Bed, 5.5 Bath
Value: $9.875
Architect who would despise this: Le Corbusier
The fenestration on this house baffles me. The top row of windows seems awkwardly squeezed in there, and what’s with that random round window? The rear elevation looks like it has staircases stolen from Le Corbusier, who I’m sure would be incredibly flattered to be connected with this house.