Image via Complex Original
"Whoa," you mutter to yourself. You're waking up from that crazy three-way party with your two favorite sororities, and you have to get dressed for that meeting with your Dad's friend. He came all the way from his Financial District corner office to meet you for brunch. You scramble to put on clothes; pastel shorts, a patchwork madras shirt, and boat shoes. You marvel at your outfit in the mirror as you slide croakies over your head.
Does this sound familiar? From college frat rows, to Wall Street offices, basic bros are everywhere. We understand that for most men, their interest in fashion has peaked somewhat recently, exposing their closets as more of a bastion of pastels and wannabe Ivy League staples that betray their "basic bro" lifestyles. We understand that guys stick to what they know, but the moment you left the halls of your frat house for job in accounting, you should be trying to upgrade your wardrobe. We're here to show you not only what makes you look like yet another "make me a sandwich" joke making, tank top wearing, beer bong chugger, but help point you to alternatives that shouldn't stray too far out of your comfort zone. Fashion's really not that hard, and we want to show you How to Stop Dressing Like a Basic Bro.
Just because you'd wear it to the rivalry game, doesn't mean you should wear it anywhere else.
No one is claiming that having a few jerseys in your wardrobe is a problem. Same goes for branded hoodies or snapbacks. What indicates how corny you are, is when you wear those things to the inappropriate places. Heading to work in a baggy hoodie that you wore to the tailgate is always going to look bad, even if you take it off before work. No one cares if you wear a (insert team here) hat on your way to work. With “athleisure” emerging as a preferred style choice, we're not saying that you can't wear sportswear. However, if it's something that you'd see players wearing on court, it's best left for game day.
Don't let your Frogskins deflect everyone's fun from boozy Sunday brunch.
Frogskins? My guy, they had their moment in the sun (in more ways than one), but you're better off letting those go the way of shutter shades: stuff them in the back of a drawer, never to be seen again. Before you scroll down and freak out in the comments, there's literally no reason for you not to buy a pair of Ray-Bans. They may be more pricey than your former Frogskins, once you buy a pair of Wayfarers—or even Aviators—you'll literally never need to purchase another pair of shades ever again.
The only other reason you could justify choosing Oakley Frogskins over Ray-Ban Wayfarers is if you want sunglasses with crazy colored polarized lenses and frames. If you really need shades in loud colors, then this post isn't going to change your mind on your wardrobe to begin with.
Like your client's investments, you should diversify your options.
Wearing a “uniform” isn't a bad thing, but really, you've got to put time into diversifying what's hanging in your closet. We get it: oxford shirt and khakis for work, jeans and your rush T-shirt when you're with the bros. However, it may be worth a shot to switch up the materials that make up the greater picture that is your wardrobe. My guy, if you're alternating between the same two Gap oxfords when you're heading to work, and your only “nice” sweater is the one your mom bought you for Christmas three years ago, you owe it to yourself to cop some new clothes.
No, we're not suggesting you drop a grip on new clothes (you still need to have some beer money, right bro?), but you should be stacking up a stockpile that should be deep enough for you to wear at least a different shirt to work/or go out every single day. There's honestly a zero percent chance that you're not within 20 miles of a single J.Crew, Uniqlo, Club Monaco, or even Zara. Head out, cop a pair of pants that don't come in khaki; pick up a few solid-colored tees and button downs; and buy a new pair of jeans (yes, a second pair of denim). You'll likely walk away with a bill that totals no more than $200—and you'll look like your worth ten times more than that.
If you'd wear it to a frat party, put it into the back of your closet (like your diploma).
We get it. You had a great time at DKE's “Three Way Eco-Friendly Trash Bash,” but that doesn't mean you need to keep wearing the T-shirt three years on. If there's one thing that can be said for sure, it's that your frat tees don't really belong anywhere except the back of your clos…we mean archive. It's one thing if you're heading to the gym in those tees, but if you're going out with one of those on, it's likely the last time you got lucky was at the Alpha Phi formal.
Unless you're going to the gym, don't dress like you're going to the gym.
As mentioned before, old T-shirts should be drafted to workout wear (or discarded into the bowels of your closet). This also applies to your trainers, any running shirts, or your nasty athletic socks. Don't get us wrong, you can wear these things outside of the gym, but you shouldn't wear something you actually work out in anywhere besides the gym.
We're clearly advocates for sneakers, but just have a pair for the gym, and a clean, simple pair of the streets. You've got a running hoodie for when you're training outside, but also have a clean one that you're wearing under your bomber. You have sweatpants for the treadmill, but have a completely separate pair ready for when you're hanging out with friends on the weekend. It's not that you shouldn't wear athletic gear when you're not in the weight room, but rather that you should have a separate set of gear that isn't seeing any time at the gym at all.
It only takes accidentally wearing your sweaty gym hoodie on a night out to remind you that a separate gym kit is a decent idea.
Oh, and before we forget, athletic socks are fine. Slides are great. Wearing them together at every possible moment in your life: not good. Cease this.
Outerwear is more than just a North Face fleece.
BRUH. Stop wearing your black North Face zip up fleece. Stop.
It's arguably one the biggest indicators of “basic” dressing, and there's so many simultaneously classic and comfortable ways to layer up. If you're just hanging out around the crib in your fleece, then switch to a hoodie. Not only does it come with roughly the same amount of pocket space, but it also comes with head protection (see: hood). If you're using it as a layering piece or straight-up outerwear, then swap it for a denim jacket or even a simple sweater. You don't need a flimsy fleece to robe your body, there's honestly entire archives of choice.
Don't misunderstand us, we don't have anything against North Face. They make some great outerwear and have been around for decades. However, we can't stomach guys who buy the classic black zip-up fleece, and wear it every day the moment the thermometer drops below 60 degrees. Men have made it this far without having the North Face fleece, we can make it without one.
Beer ads are for the bar, not your headwear.
We all know you copped that Corona hat at Target my guy, and while we don't hate the occassional Carona in the summertime, we will always hate your pre-faded Carona-branded trucker hat. Close your eyes. Picture this monstrosity in your mind's eye. The bizarrely frayed brim. The patchwork logo emblazoned on the front. The crunchy plastic netting in the back. This is type of hat is the snapback's answer to the mullet.
This also goes for hats you've crafted out of the remains of the 30-rack you crushed with your bros last night. That material was meant to house cans and then been recycled—not reworked into a beer stained relic from your weekend. Unless you're a country boy who's got a severe sunburn and one too many Lone Star's in him, then avoid these hats like the plague.
No one wants critters in their sheets or pubes, so why would you put them on your pants?
Printed clothing is dope. Granted, all-over print clothes died out around 2010, but we can still understand wearing a shirt with printed material on it. But all-over microprint pants and shorts? I'm sorry my guy, no one needs any all over animal prints on their crotch. It's like you're pants are comprised of knock off Ralph polos. All-over animal icon printed shorts from Vineyard Vines, Southern Tide, and [insert preppy brand here] are as much a bro summer staple as croakies and a can of “Bud heavy.” Ease up on the childish shorts because, let's face it, no one wants a little animal anywhere near their crotch.
If you're not standing over water, stop wearing boat shoes.
Boat shoes are actually quite functional. With a leather, moc-toe uppers to keep water out, and light-colored siped (scored) soles provide the wearer great traction for wet surfaces of varying degrees. That said, if the closest you've ever been to a boat is one that floats in a bathtub, then there's no reason for you to really own this shoe—much less wear it everywhere.
Boat shoes are really practical, but if the worst conditions you face are in the line at Target or after you Swiffer your kitchen, then you honestly should just buy a pair of sneakers. We can recognize that the shoes also have an extensive Ivy League lineage, but even those guys switched up the footwear—and those kids also had boats bought by their corresponding old money. We suggest swapping out your Sperry's for a clean white sneaker when it comes to a dressier occasion, and just about anything else for everyday events. You'll probably end up with more comfortable footwear to boot.
Your madras is a reminder of British colonialism.
A lightweight fabric that hails from India, colonial Brits exported the fabric to the Western World, with it's popularity peaking as it became an Ivy League staple in the 1950's—especially as a signifier of personal wealth and privilege. Today, the loud fabric doesn't just scream for attention, it's notorious for it's collegiate properties, in all the worst ways. We understand that, much like seersucker, guys want to wear something light in the summer, but being covered in loud plaid really clashes with Keystone can in your hand, and your off color State School hoodie. It would be one thing if guys wore it in the classic, “Take Ivy” way, but unfortunately, it more accurately signifies that you needed a pair of shorts, and went and bought whatever was on the sale rack at Banana Republic.
If there's one thing to be gained from this list, it's that keeping it simple is not only going to look cleaner, but it's also going to give you a lot more mileage out of fewer pieces. A pair of solid Navy shorts are just a classic if you're interested in going that route; besides, no matter how deep your closet is, it's really hard to match anything with a plaid that's filed with lavender purples, yellow, and pinkish-reds.
