Image via Complex Original
Fall is a time when dudes grab their sweaters from the back of the closet, overload on pumpkin spice products, and start to lock down a bae for the impending cuffing season. However, all of that precious gear that got worn all summer long is fading quickly out of season. Naturally, anyone would be upset when 50 percent of their wardrobe full of expensive-as-hell clothes immediately become off-limits. Your local hypebeast(s) aren't going to let their complaints fall silent, and you may be surprised how limiting autumn really is when it comes to flexing like they do the rest of the year. These are The 10 Biggest Complaints Hypebeasts Have in the Fall.
“I can't cop Supreme at the 11 a.m. drop because I'm in class.”
School is back in session and it's time to hit the books. Sure, in the summer you could make sure to wake up super early to hit the line for a drop, or burn a few days by camping outside the store without a problem (except for your parents heckling you about a getting a job). Now that you're trapped in the classroom from all day, you'll have to cop on your phone under your desk, or try to sneak out and get lucky at lunchtime.
“I ate too much on Halloween and Thanksgiving, and now my clothes don't fit.”
Halloween is all about going H.A.M. with your sugar addiction, and Thanksgiving is all about shoving your face full of food on a day exclusively about eating (and football). With all of these autumn holidays centered around junk food and gravy-heavy meals, it's hard to keep a consistent figure and maintain a decent fit with gear you copped pre-gorging.
“Everyone is wearing sweatpants now.”
Sure they laughed at you when you wore your black Tech Fleeces in the middle of July. You didn't care, you wore them anyway, and you dealt with the resulting swamp crotch. You were first, and it was a trend that no one wanted to touch. Now, as tailored sweatpants get even more popular, you're seeing them on more and more people as the temperature drops. And as everyone knows, the inevitable curse of a hypebeast is seeing the trend that he "started" get picked up by the masses.
“No white after labor day means my coke boy dreams are dead.”
While we believe that this style rule is outdated, certain individuals perceive it as a set-in-stone law. For a wary hypebeast who errs on the side of caution when it comes to sartorial matters (a rare breed, but still out there), there's always going to be hesitation about pulling out the coke boy look and the all white Air Force 1's after the unofficial end of summer.
“The leaves are brighter than my kicks.”
When the leaves turn, your eye-catching sneakers might get outdone. With fall's beautiful array of bright reds, oranges, and yellows, nature is naturally competing with any hypebeast's bright-as-hell, attention-grabbing kicks.
“I spent all my money on textbooks and don't have any left over for clothes I'm going to think are uncool in three months.”
Textbooks are a racket. Whether you have do some supplemental reading for your term paper or are picking up your crazy textbook bill at the campus bookstore, be prepared to drop a couple hundred on books that you'll rarely open all semester—and sell back for less than $80 total. When you're dropping all of your hard earned cash on textbooks, how are you going to have money for the latest release that will gather dust when the next release drops?
“Pumpkin spice powder is so difficult to get out of extra-long tees.”
For better or for worse, pumpkin spice is as much a sign of fall as the changing of the leaves and the return to school. While the flavor has been translated well beyond its humble Starbucks beginnings (looking at you Oreos), if you go a little turbo on the pumpkin spice, just know it's gonna be a bitch to clean out of your crispy white tee.
“Apple picking in a dirty-ass orchard is a definite way to fuck up the kicks.”
Unfortunately, you chose not to breakout the boots and figured a pair of fresh kicks would be fine for on the fall pastime of going apple picking. But as soon as your feet touched down at the orchard and/or pumpkin patch, you realized you forgot how dirty nature is, and your sneakers are definitely about to get fucked up from rotting apples, mud, and grass. If you don't wear the right footwear when you go out to literally enjoy the fruits of fall, don't be surprised if your kicks become junk-pile worthy with the quickness.
“Why don't these bullies appreciate my emotional layering?”
Layering is an art form, and f you're a frequent visitor of this site, you're familiar with that tongue-in-cheek mantra. However, while you're planning the most perfect mash-up of rare hemlines and long tees, basic dudes around you are throwing on a hoodie and moving on with their lives. Just because the bros can't understand your (over)thought out, drapey fabric tiers doesn't mean you need to stop striving for a PhD in layering.
“Cuffing season approaches and I'm still a virgin.”
As the thermometer inches downward, so too does cuffing season approach the general consciousness of guys everywhere. While hot summer nights are prime for meeting new people and living the single life, the chilly weather forces people inside, and Netflix is best enjoyed with another warm body near you. For hypebeasts that can wax poetic on hemlines and obscure denim brands, this poses a problem: in order to get a significant other, one must speak to a girl. With the onset of fall, every hypebeast might shiver—not from a dip in the temperature, but with the knowledge that they have to talk to girls if they don't want to hibernate alone.
